Banders #7

[Julie norton 2,850]

Sharpie,

I am also so sorry for your losses. Life is not fair or nice sometimes. You have much to deal with in a relatively short amount of time. ( I remember you lost your dear husband last fall and now these also)

I'm so thankful you let our small and caring group offer a tiny bit of love and compassion to you.

I'll just suggest gently that eating unhealthy and gaining back weight will not make you feel better in the long run.... I'm guessing you already know that, and others have mentioned it.

Please stay connected... If you react like me, it is easier to just cocoon when sadness strikes. We are, in our own way, here to listen and help you anyway we can .... If you want that.

We can just listen too...

Sending strength.

[Sharpie 3,306]

Thank you girls for your love and support. I did a little better yesterday with eating and I felt better physically today. Missed my yoga class today , I had a date with my granddaughter to shop and have lunch. I am so blessed to have them close by. yes life just sucks sometimes and nothing remains the same. It gets pretty scary when people you love suddenly are no longer here. I appreciate all of your advise and prayers. It's hopefully going to turn around to something positive in my life soon. I still have my health and I have some plans to travel in Sept. I think this darn weight thing is a struggle and it s way worse when life sucks the will and motivation out of you. I promised my daughter that I would get up each day and do what I can to eat good and exercise. She said Mom, your getting down and not taking care of yourself will not bring them back and will only hurt me and the girls In the end. I will check in and Lisa I am hoping and praying your health is improved.

Loveyou all.

[lisacaron 5,075]

Hi everyone!!! Thank you all for thinking of me, it helps to know there are people in your corner pulling for you when you feel like you can no longer pull for yourself.

My barium swallow showed a slight dilation and they removed all the Fluid from the band...this has been a blessing and a curse right now for me. Sharpie my heart is breaking for you, and I am paddling along with you. My father is dying. He's been suffering from just about every co-morbidity you can think of. We recently moved him from Queens to the East End of Long Island so that we (my brother and I) could better manage his care and spend more time with him. He has steadily declined, even doing dialysis 3 times a week. Yesterday my husband brought him to the hospital for what we thought would become a routine parenthesis (which is where they put a surgical tap into the abdomen and remove the excess body fluid that his body can no longer metabolize and the heart can no longer push around through the organ system.) When they took his vitals his already low to begin with blood pressure and oxygen levels were crashing to they rushed him to the ER trauma unit which only served to piss him off and scare the crap out of my poor husband who has taken up the mantel for me so I can be at work! Dam work!! Honestly...FMLA isn't it for things just like this?! I put in for intermittent leave and they denied it because they didn't get a complete reply package from the Dr. UGH!! I let him know and he wrote me a book and said if this is not enough for them I suggest you quit! Love that Dr.

Long story short Dad decided he does not want to continue down this path, and he wants to stop dialysis. We were under the impression that we would have a couple of weeks if he stopped the treatment but the Dr.'s informed us this morning that if we stop all intervention he would be gone by Monday morning. I am not ready for that!!! I don't think he was ready for that...but maybe he is...I don't know. I know that we are not. We asked him to keep going at least one more week. He's alert, talking sitting up in bed. True he's not riding his scooter down the road, or driving his car or chatting up hot chicks on the internet but he's alive and he's talking to us and eating food and we have more to say and more that maybe needs to be said. So he agreed to cut the time down and give it one more week for us....are we doing the wrong thing? I don't know...even the Dr.'s were all shocked and speechless when he told them this morning no more....they also felt a slow unwinding is better than a hard stop.

My nerves are fried...Sharpie my friend...I am like you. Always the strong one for everyone family and friends alike and this time...I don't know maybe it's my own age catching up with me but I'm finding it harder and harder to be a rock. My emotions are all over the place, so many have passed over the last few years..young and old alike. My 49 year old cousin is fighting for his life against colon rectal cancer that has him beat, even through septic shock though he rallied and pulled through but the cancer is winning.

I am profoundly sad and I can't worry about this band...I am happy it there and I hate that it's there. I am still mighty swollen inside so I have restriction that I wish I didn't have. I want to take my Dad to the diner and get that pastrami on rye and enjoy the dam thing with him. I want to sit and the salami and provolone with Italian bread till the sun comes up. I am doing those things anyway!!! Just not like I used to. I can't, my stomach can't take the fat and the grease and my band won't allow it.

I wish I could yank it out and put it around my head and my heart too!! Cause when the middle of the night comes and I have spoon in one hand and a gallon of ice cream in the other...I know it's not my belly it's not hunger it's hurt, sadness, loneliness, stress, mind numbing request for release...it's many things other than the need for any food or fuel. I'm sorry but for me no amount of hugging holding talking shopping clothing or even jewels can sooth that as much as the dam ice cream can. So I eat it and I don't feel guilty. I can't eat the whole thing even if I wanted to...so I'm grateful for that because I know once I get through all of this....I have to take care of my health and today...even with out my acknowledgement that little sucker in there is doing it's job. Rain or shine, sadness, and all...it's still right there. Yes the choices are mine, and I am making them poorly when it comes to my food...right now those are the least things I can think about as I work through all these other end of life care decisions and arrangements. There is time for Broccoli carrots and chicken...it's just not right now and that's OK

Sharpie...I applaud you!!! You are out there getting to exercise and doing it, and your making it work for you. Weight be dammed, health is the important thing. That is my goal. If I never lose or gain another pound dress size or what have you, I just want to be healthy and with that happiness will follow.

Love you all!!!

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh Lisa my friend...what can I do to help and support you? I know dad hasn't been well for a while but I can't imagine readying yourself for his passing. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. You know you can call me anytime if you need to.

Liz

[Sharpie 3,306]

oh my dear Lisa, You have confirmed my decision to stop all the torture for my sweet husband. After months of surgeries and Iron infusions and all kinds of tests, colonoscopies every kind of scoping known to man, putting a pick line in his arm so he could receive high powered antibiotics for the bacterial infection that went to his aortic valve (which was replaced last year) his kidneys started to fail and his oxygen level stayed low, he had to live on oxygen. He stopped eating and was so swollen I didn't even recognize him. they suggested dialysis as a effort to get the kidney function going but said he probably would not survive it. so my daughter and I decided that he had had all he could take and I had all I could take. I sent him to hospice and allowed him to die with dignity. My Lord it's hard to lose your parents too, my Dad has been gone since he was 49 years old due to heart failure but I miss him every day. I will pray that your Dad goes peacefully and you can move on with your health issues. I woke up this morning after not really sleeping well, got dressed for exercise class, drove to town and almost turned around and came home but I fought myself to turn onto the street and I actually felt better. So, it's day by day and my daughter is what keeps me going too she doesn't need to worry about me after losing her Dad ,Aunt, Uncle and cousin. it's been brutal . Love you girls wish I could be there to help you Lisa.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

((Hugs to Lisa)). You women here are so strong. I'm proud to "know" you.

JustWatchMe

[Sharpie 3,306]

I found out today I have shingles. My eye was puffy over the weekend, thought maybe it was allergies but it got worse and I had a horrendous headache. anyways another hurdle. The only good thing is I am really not hungry but I have to eat something because of the medication they put me on. I hope everyone else is doing okay and I'm looking forward to a better week next week. On the good side I was able to sell my husband's truck and I traded my 2012 car in for a new "red car" never had a red car before. changes are bittersweet sometimes. Id rather have my beloved Bill back than a new car but I have to keep on with my life. I only have a month to go before I will be going to Canada on my Dude ranch vacation with my best friend. Other than shingles life is okay for now. Hope everyone else is doing good.

[gowalking 10,790]

My mom had shingles and I know how painful it is. Hoping you get over it quick. Everything you do that reminds you that Bill isn't here will be painful but try to embrace the red car. My car fantasy was a Mustang convertible. I eventually decided not to buy it because so many people including my son who worked at a Ford dealership, told me the Mustang fishtailed and that it wasn't the safest car. Sometimes I think I should have just bought it anyway.

By the way girls, did you see Debbie sent a status update. I told her we were worried and I even PM'd her hoping she would show up here on this thread again. I'm not sure why she went MIA and I'm hoping we hear from her soon.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Well for my 2 cents, I felt a sense of relief when I traded in my car that my hubby and I had picked out.

It reminded me of him... And curiosily, I picked a red car also! Nice feeling that I was able to negotiate the car myself, and am glad I made the change. Hope you are too sharpie.

Another step forward.

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Hello Everyone I have been MIA but I'm fine just got caught up with some stuff also it was that time of the year Summer Starts and I have got out as much as I can but I have to catch up on here my memory is getting bad & it seems like it gets worse every week , I had a little set back and couldn't remember what number We were on till Gowalking messaged me , so now I have to catch up from where I left off .

After or when I catch up I will post more about why I went MIA but nothing to be concerned about mostly just stuff that happened but I am fine .

[gowalking 10,790]

Hello Everyone I have been MIA but I'm fine just got caught up with some stuff also it was that time of the year Summer Starts and I have got out as much as I can but I have to catch up on here my memory is getting bad & it seems like it gets worse every week , I had a little set back and couldn't remember what number We were on till Gowalking messaged me , so now I have to catch up from where I left off .

After or when I catch up I will post more about why I went MIA but nothing to be concerned about mostly just stuff that happened but I am fine .

Just glad everything is OK.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Missed our resident dancer posting her outdoor concert pictures. Glad all is ok Deb3

[Sharpie 3,306]

Debbie so glad you are okay. Girls I think I am going to enjoy the new Red Car and it was a step forward .Shingles are so painful and just plain makes you feel crumby. If you have had chicken pox make sure you get a shingles shot wish I had but I will get one once this is over . positive note, my best friend came down from Alabama to make sure I stay down and out of the heat. She is a godsend. She was worried about me getting depressed so she just decided to stay with me a few days. we're just hanging out, watching tv and playing board games.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Sorry about the shingles. My mom had them and said they were very painful. Glad to see Debbie back!

JustWatchMe

[lisacaron 5,075]

Popping in to say Hi again. It's been a very trying month and I'm glad to be out of July! When the summer started I will say I was not prepared for all that has happened.

My Dad passed away on July 16th. He had a long hard fight for so many years it was very hard to watch, and I was the lucky one there at the very end. Even though you are prepared for death...and you know that the person you love is at peace and that their pain is gone you are never really prepared for it.

He was doing so well up and talking to family and friends, people came from the city to visit and he told me that night you know what that means right? Nope I wasn't thinking he would die in my arms only moments later in the hospital emergency room of all places with two other patients behind the curtains around us. I felt for them...as they felt for me I've no doubt.

Being the "rock" is not all it's cracked up to be. Over the years this diamond has had more facets foisted upon it than necessary...how bright we shine though don't we?!

The hubs and I did get to go upstate for the Ken Griffey Mike pizza Hall of fame induction weekend. It was really nice to get away after all that, we left the night of the funeral and drove the 5 hours upstate. The next day I slept so long..when I woke up it was night time again and I thought it was till the same day, but it was no longer Thursday it was Friday night!

Coming back home was rough, I had to go right back to work after all that and if you didn't know my company was sold and we are in transition here with our new owners and the rumor mill is going at 110 miles an hour, not to mention who is leaving voluntarily and worse who is being "let go" as if they want to go.

There seems to be no place that's safe to breathe these days....this weekend we cleaned out the apartment that we had for my father here on the East End (God forbid we don't have it rent ready by the first we would have to pay the whole next month! Dang business people really don't care about you at all it's all about dollars, I get it but DAM is all I have to say.)

To top it all off I have been sick with who the heck knows what...all I do is throw up everything I eat. I know it's not my band, I've long since had that emptied. I went for an upper GI on Monday and have been so sick after that everything was coming back up. I couldn't even swallow the medication they gave me to stop vomiting! Good thing they make ones that dissolve under the tongue that finally helped me and the spasms and pain stopped and I was able to keep fluids down. Today I had some Soup at lunch and that also has stayed down.

I found this interesting Water called Aloe Gloe. I hear aloe is good for your stomach and intestines and since they took all these biopsy's in there it kind of feels like I have a skinned knee or something in my tummy if that makes any sense. So far they don't find anything or a reason for the vomiting...but I can see where this is all nerve related, but we will see!!

I joined the gym again...and I think I need to start making time for just ME. At least if I get into the pool and move a bit and go slow..maybe something good can come from all this...?

Here are some pics from Cooperstown.