Banders #7

[enjoythetime 1,457]

I haven't posted or been on the site in a while, I hope everyone is doing well!!!!

Ok, so straight off I'm going to say this is a selfish post, a pep-talk out loud for ME. In doing so, I'm not looking for sprinkle and rainbow compliments I'm doing this as a way for me to get back on track, you know it becomes real when you put it out there:-)

Most of you know my story but for those that don't I've been banded for 2 years and 8 months. I started this journey weighing 289lbs. Within 16 months I had lost 159lbs., surpassing my goal by 20lbs. I went from a size 22 in pants to a size 2/3 and size 3XL shirts to size small. My life is dramatically different then it was 3 years ago in every aspect.

When my weight hit 130lbs. I told myself I needed to identify a range to stay within and when I hit the max of that range it was time to get serious and get back on track, I decided 135lbs. was that max # for me. Last year about this time I started stressing because my weight began flexing 3-5lbs., which was within the range I set for myself but once I was there I freaked out, I didn't like it. I would hit the max, go back to basics the scale would go down, then I would get excited and say well now I can have this, this and this and not go over my max, the problem was when I would go down it was 2-3 lbs., never back to that 130 mark, I hovered in the middle, over the course of 4 months I gave up, I started excepting the fact that 130 was history and 134 was my new norm and that it was ok, deal with it, be happy with it, telling myself 3 years ago you would have been thrilled to be at 134, what's your problem. I finally convinced myself and a new weight range was set and my new max # became137. I stayed within this range for 8 months, doing the same thing as before up and down, treat, basics etc. Then a month ago it was vacation time, followed the next week by Christmas and then New Years and today I'm now flexing 7-9lbs. and guess what, I'M FREAKED THE HELL OUT!!!! My worry isn't about the 9lbs, it's about losing control and this developing into something more and ending up where I started at 289lbs, miserable, letting myself and those who believe in me down. I've turned this into a pattern of excuses, passes and acceptance until I keep lowering my standards to except where I am because it's easier because if I don't accept it I have to face the fact I may never be 130 again followed by the justification of remember 3 years you were XXX well if I keep going I will be XXX and I CAN NOT LET that happen!

I'm now setting here with tears in my eyes thinking how ridiculous this all is. I know the band works and I know how to work the band. I know what I want but I'm not pushing myself to get there.

I'm done feeling sorry for myself!!!! I've worked entirely too hard to look back now. I know I have what it takes to stay focused to make the right choices to get my ass up and start exercising (which I will confess I haven't done at all during this journey), drink 80oz of Water, Protein first, veggies, then a carb if I have room, to STOP eating when I'm satisfied instead of caving into that craving when I'm not really hungry. I know I have what it takes because I have the band and the stubbornness to back it up:-)

I feel like some reading this will be like is this girl for real, she wrote an entire book over 9lbs. but it TRULY isn't about that, I know that if I work the band the band will work for me I just have to start believing in myself, believe I have it in me and that if I want those lbs. gone then I don't have to settle for less because I'm "stuck" but to keep pushing and not let food or weight or worry stop me.

Thank you all for listening!

[gowalking 10,790]

Your post makes perfect sense @enjoythetime. It's not the 9 lbs. It's the feeling of loss of control. I was 112 at one point but fine with 115-120 in maintenance. Today the scale said 126.4 Time for another fill.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

It's not ridiculous at all. We see what we think are old patterns returning and we rightfully get scared. I stopped losing after dropping 100 + pounds with fifty to go. Started getting really lax with my food and drink and ten came back. It's been hard hard work to drop 7 of those but I'm finally back in Onederland. The band/sleeve/bypass can only do so much. I'm motivated and committed today and grateful for the chance to resume my efforts after only ten pounds and not 120. Hang in there and stay connected here. For me it keeps my goals in front of me.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

@@gowalking @@JustWatchMe

I wish I could reach through this computer screen and hug you ladies!!!!

We're showing up and showing who's boss. I am back on track but like you said it's taking a lot longer, more determination and commitment then it did the first time to lose these same lbs. It's all just a mind thing once I get my mind on board and take away the worry and just focus on what needs to be done I'm fine and that's why this group is so valuable, it helps you to stay grounded. Patience is the name of the game and that was just NOT something I was blessed with, I'm trying to learn though:-)

Thanks ladies so much!!!!

[Julie norton 2,850]

Thanks for sharing!

Seems like many of us veterans are still working hard with our programs... DAILY! And accepting that we may not be a predetermined weight that a dr or ourselves have picked.

I do appreciate how the OP mentioned the beginning of her WLS

I believe we all need to remember where we were when we started and consider how our health has majorly improved....

We just are not perfect. Human beings are perfectly imperfect (ok ...quoting my therapist)

Gotta say... I am happier and way healthier than years ago...

I remain thankful for WLS ... Truly changed my life.

[lisacaron 5,075]

OK who is ready...and who is getting some of that dreaded 4 letter word? SNOW??

If I hear one more thing about this impending storm I think I'm going to erupt like a volcano and they won't need to worry about snow!!!

Every news channel, every single person I run into the first thing we hear is all about this snow storm. The media is hyping it up to where I wasn't thinking or caring about it and now i"m wondering do I need to shop and eat like a bear because I am going to be stuck in my house for the winter?!

NO I live in NY!!! We are used to snow here, it will come down we will move it to the side and we will get on with life. I will be expected to work, as will most people.

Now my cousin who lives in VA...they had a 1/4 of an inch yesterday and there was a 3 hour delay in the commute!! Washington DC was a total mess and today...because of this "impending" storm they closed the schools....snow day with no snow? I know I'm living in the wrong state, but I would also be the one stuck on the hwy for 3 hours over that dusting of snow too because to me I wouldn't think anything of it...while everyone else starts freaking out around me.

So do you have your milk and bread? Or rather Protein shakes and bars east coast friends? Always made me wonder why everyone runs out for milk and bread anyway...what ya gonna do with it??

[kathousefl 62]

Thanks for sharing!

Seems like many of us veterans are still working hard with our programs... DAILY! And accepting that we may not be a predetermined weight that a dr or ourselves have picked.

I do appreciate how the OP mentioned the beginning of her WLS

I believe we all need to remember where we were when we started and consider how our health has majorly improved....

We just are not perfect. Human beings are perfectly imperfect (ok ...quoting my therapist)

Gotta say... I am happier and way healthier than years ago...

I remain thankful for WLS ... Truly changed my life.

Sometimes it seems like a daily focus for me. I just got a small fill because I need to get back on track, and I am hoping that will help. On the one hand, I do not like to see the scale go up, but on the other hand, I am so much better off today than I was before lap band :-).

Edited January 22, 2016 by kathousefl

[gowalking 10,790]

OK who is ready...and who is getting some of that dreaded 4 letter word? SNOW??

If I hear one more thing about this impending storm I think I'm going to erupt like a volcano and they won't need to worry about snow!!!

Every news channel, every single person I run into the first thing we hear is all about this snow storm. The media is hyping it up to where I wasn't thinking or caring about it and now i"m wondering do I need to shop and eat like a bear because I am going to be stuck in my house for the winter?!

NO I live in NY!!! We are used to snow here, it will come down we will move it to the side and we will get on with life. I will be expected to work, as will most people.

Now my cousin who lives in VA...they had a 1/4 of an inch yesterday and there was a 3 hour delay in the commute!! Washington DC was a total mess and today...because of this "impending" storm they closed the schools....snow day with no snow? I know I'm living in the wrong state, but I would also be the one stuck on the hwy for 3 hours over that dusting of snow too because to me I wouldn't think anything of it...while everyone else starts freaking out around me.

So do you have your milk and bread? Or rather Protein shakes and bars east coast friends? Always made me wonder why everyone runs out for milk and bread anyway...what ya gonna do with it??

Funny Lisa! I also never got the milk and bread thing either. I went out and bought staples. coffee, wine, cheese, and ice cream...for the BF. Me...I got farrow, asparagus, chicken, and fruit. Should hold me over OK.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Milk and bread? What? French toast?

Protein Drinks and bars and yogurt and string cheese. coffee and wine no doubt. I could get by for awhile.

Ok, chicken, broccoli and asparagus too!

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Just a little update pic of myself & one with My Second Son who Graduated from College TODAY .

[gowalking 10,790]

Congrats Deb! Good looking boy you have there.

[Bandista 7,466]

Nice pix, Debbie! And congratulations to second son. Lisa, I have a tea tin with this quote (the Sleepytime bears): "Bread and Water can so easily be Tea and Toast." My husband was feeling under-the-weather yesterday so I made him cinnamon toast soldiers. Decided to give one a try (I can't usually tolerate bread but sometimes a little gluten-free works). I was reminiscing about how I would have had a whole pile of little cinnamon toasties in the old days but then when I had my little bite it wasn't even very yummy. Certainly not worth it. Enjoy The Time, I so get it about fearing old patterns and getting freaked out about a gain -- and Lisa, loved your posts about this, too, the old all-or-nothing mindset. On or off a program. I'm very happy not to be on a diet but to have this lifestyle, which like everything in life can be an up and down proposition.

[Bandista 7,466]

GoWalking, I'm going to have to try cooking Farrow. I need more Fiber in my life. Speaking of which, do not mix psyllium and chia seeds. What, was I nuts? Good grief.

JustWatchMe, yippee for Return to Wonderland! Way to go.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Debbie.

Great pictures and congrats for a son getting thru college. No guarantees in life, but it certainly seems to help!

You must be so proud! You are looking healthier with each picture you post.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Debbie, you look beautiful.