I miss food...struggling

[mimic86 23]

Hello all,

I had my surgery on 8/18/2015 and everything went well. My pain wasn't too bad and it was managed well by pain meds, I originally was supposed to go home the 20th but because I was doing so well they let me go home the 19th. I've been able to get all of my Fluid and 60 grams of Protein in every day since last week. My problem is my food addiction. I knew I had one before the surgery but it's still so bad after the surgery. I don't have a physical hunger anymore but I have an appetite out of this world. The smell, sight, look even talk of food makes me want to eat whatever it is. I have been having a really hard time with this. Even the day of surgery my dad came in my room with some food and it smelled so good. It's crazy. If I"m around my friends and they're eating it really hard for me. They try not to eat in front of me but of course if I am spending a lot of time with them, they get hungry. I have a friends big 30th bday party this weekend and I'm dreading it because I know she's going to have tons of food and alcohol while I sip on my Protein shake but I have to go, this is a big day for her. Just in general I feel like if food is going to be in the equation I have to take myself out because I can't handle. I can bearly handle it when food isn't around let alone when it is. Even today, I took a walk on my lunch break. Of course there are nothing but fast food places and restaurants everywhere and it just made me crave everything I passed or smelled. It's insane. I know I have a real problem. I've lost 18 pounds so far which I'm happy about but my happiness is somewhat clouded by my missing food. I'm on full liquids so I just drink my Protein shakes (which I don't care for but I drink because I know that I need them) and drink my Water. Next week is soft foods which I'm excited about but still I'm really struggling. This is rough...

[Amylou 206]

I have a blog - www.gastricallydifferent.blogspot.com.

I found 'breaking up' with food to be my biggest struggle since my RNY - I write about it frequently. I miss it a lot...however a couple bad experiences brought me back to reality. I like how I feel when I follow the rules so much more. I love not hating myself for making a bad choice. I love that I simply cannot over-indulge.

Do I miss food? ? Yup. Every single day. However, I love watching the scale inch backwards every morning more.

[Cheri_j 117]

I too am a food addict. I do miss food and some of the foods that are my favorites are now on my "not ever" list. Since my surgery, I am working on breaking my link with food. Food cannot be my protector and comforter anymore. Every time I see something good to eat that isn't on my list, I have to remind myself about my new life and that only I am responsible for my actions. I have the power, my intelligence, and wit to protect me and I have a supportive network to comfort me. This surgery was a life-saving decision and I have to remember how miserable I felt with all of my obesity related health issues.

You might want to see someone to discuss this hold that food has over you. Therapy can give you out-of-box suggestions that you probably never even thought of and together, figure out why food is your champion and you are placing yourself second.

Set mini goals and non-food rewards to keep you motivated. When you hit milestones, like 25, 50, 75, 100 pounds - do something special for yourself.

The last thing you want to do is undo all of the hard work that got you to where you are right this minute.

[SkinnyDown 409]

I am a food addict too. I spent almost a year in therapy before my surgery working on my addiction issues. I had to get down the real reasons I was eating, trying to fill up this empty space inside me. Why I used food to comfort me, and all the answers were right there. It wasn't hard to figure out. It was a lifetime...48 years or so to finally admit I had a problem. To finally say, this has to stop. This is no different than a heroin addiction or a gambling addiction. No difference at all. I knew it when there was a time before surgery I would start to get panicked, and freaked out if I was getting low, or didn't have junk foods and sweets in my house....I'd start getting really anxious, and because I am disabled and don't drive, I would have to find someone to get me something, like a fix! It was all I could focus on....when can I get more? Donuts, chocolates, potato chips, cheetos ...anything, to satisfy those urges. I was hiding food when I went grocery shopping underneath "good" food so no one would see how much crap I was eating. Boxes of Cookies, and donuts, creme horns, cakes, twinkies, bags of chips, ice cream, ...you name it.

My point being....it's a real addiction and needs to be treated as such.

I don't have head hunger thank goodness, I don't even have real hunger. I don't even like the taste of food at this point, for the most part, because my taste has changed so much. Things I loved before, even "good" stuff, I can't even stomach now.

I can't even drink cold Water now. LOL

It's nearing 3.5 months since surgery, and I've lost 81 lbs. Believe me, It's worth it. I'm almost halfway to goal.

You have to, imo, stop focusing on food. Start doing other things. I have a list of things I can go to, things to do in my house, even deep cleaning and sorting out things and organizing areas/closets, art projects, crafts, watch movies/series, post more here... if I ever do get to craving anything. Hopefully things will be better for you once you start soft foods.

The focus has to stop being on the food, and being on how healthy you are getting, how much better you will feel, how much more active you can be, and how much better you'll feel about yourself.

My biggest advice would be, if you aren't already, get into therapy, and deal with those addiction issues, or they will come back and haunt you. Believe me, I know that anytime, any day ...I could slip up, and I could be in serious trouble. I still have therapy twice a month. I do not want to gain this weight back, I need to move forward. I think you feel the same way!

I encourage you to join all of us, who are doing the same.

Keep writing here, there is a lot of support, and help if and when you need it. Stay strong.

[mimic86 23]

Thank youall for your insight, that really means a lot to know that I am not alone. I hope it gets easier and yes I do really think that I would benefit from some counseling. I am going to contact my psych from my pre-surgery and set up an appointment. I also think I need to do more things to get my mind off of food. I will get there. Thank you guys!

[Brandon Long 4]

I had this happen for the first couple of weeks it really helped once i was on pureed food, but it is just something i am having to train myself..

[tootie09 13]

@@Amylou,

I am going to go read your blog because I am really struggling.

[Veronica_mm 87]

I do miss being able to just EAT. it's like why bother eating for me sometimes

[red37 116]

You are definitely not alone. Therapy helps, but also try setting some non food related goals for yourself. Volunteering somewhere, cleaning out your closet, working on the yard, calling an old friend, planning a weekend away, etc. I still think about food a lot, but it has been easiest when I force myself to focus on other things. I mourned the loss of food for sure. I do still at times think about certain foods that I used to eat and have chosen not to eat anymore. But I have told myself that I had 30+ years eating those things, i know what they taste like and I know how they made me feel, both good and bad at the same time. I choose to feel good all the time and focus on the rest of my life and celebrating without needing to eat the happiness!

[winklie 518]

I'll throw my hat in this ring as I know a thing or two about this. I crave certain foods, but I am not what I would call an addict. I agree it is hard to walk down the street where every other building is a resturant or fast food joint. However, a lesson can be learned from failing to deal with the reality;

10 years ago one of my best friends had a RNY at 700 lbs on his 5'4" frame. He was addicted to sugar. So much so, that he fought dumping syndrome. He would sit down with a bag of swedish fish, eat 5, go puke, wait 10 minutes and eat 5 more. This went on for weeks, until his body just gave up. He has no teeth, stomach acid destroyed them. He has severe health issues, including anemia, low Vitamin D, B, Calcium, and other health related issues. Here is the kicker. He dropped from 700 pounds to 400 pounds. And has been 400 pounds for about 8 years, never really going up or down. He is only alive today because of the surgery, but he will be dead not long from now because of the addiction. He is getting in touch with his mortality, but the damage is done. He needs double knee replacements, and badly, bone on bone grinding, it's horrible walking up a flight of stairs behind him and hearing the bones grind.

Use this lesson. This is what can happen if you don't get past the addiction, a RNY is just a tool, and sadly you CAN nearly completely bypass the restrictions it places on you.