Can I just be real with you?

[hilaryglynxo 34]

Out of all my fears- going under the knife, the fear it won't "work" for me, the fear I will digress and gain the weight back - can I just tell you one of my biggest fears?

I KNOW there will be a day in the beginning, maybe even several, when I think to myself "what have I done?", or perhaps I will have a pity party because a friend is doing or participating in something that I can't. Or maybe I will just MISS food. And I can't say a word to anyone for fear of the "I told you so's" ...

And maybe the people in my life won't say I told you so, maybe they will give me a blank stare. Or they just won't even want to hear it because I put myself in this position. and so I won't express it. I will just hold it in. and I will get no support. I am afraid that every one around me is secretly waiting for me to fail. Which in my head that should totally be a reason to knock it out of the park right? But how long can one bob and weave the criticism before it messes with your head.

The awkward part is, when I expressed this to my cousin she said I don't think any one would say I told you so, Hilary. But I think since you have a fear that they would, you will hold it all in and seclude yourself.

Does anyone have a similar fear? That people are waiting for you to fail so they can be right that this was the wrong choice for you. Even if they don't say it out loud? The fear of being unable to express myself or having no body to talk to just kind of eats away at me. Like can I really do this?

how many of you have had the "What Have I Done Day?"

[Babbs 14,680]

98% of us have had the "What have I done??" days. Usually, they are early out from surgery when we are sore, tired, grumpy, and HUNGRY. Our lives are turned upside down, and it's a chore to just get in our fluids and protien at first. We just can't IMAGINE how our lives will ever be normal again.

But guess what? Just like with anything else, time passes and normalcy happens. At least our NEW normal. You know, the one where food no longer has the power over us, we no longer need medications for diabetes, blood pressure, aching joints, our clothes are smaller and our weight is going down on a consistent basis. The new normal where we finally are starting to feel more attractive and confident in our own skin, and you actually get tired of all the compliments of how wonderful you look. The new normal where the future finally looks bright, because you know your weight and dependence on food will no longer make you feel ashamed and guilty.

The picture is so much bigger than a couple moments of regret. It's the rest of your life!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Indeed. I thing nearly every successful person has. Ultimately you have to do it for yourself.

This is a tool. Not a magic wand. If you have a great hammer, but you use it as a screwdriver it won't give you the results you want. Same with your new stomach. You will be amazed at how much control it will give you if you use it well. If you look on recent topics, you will find others in the same situation like http://www.bariatricpal.com/user/260890-jennifer-cunningham/. So find a buddy for support. Good luck, and if you need inspiration, go to:  http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/195065-you-know-you-lost-weight-when/page-60#entry3934830

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

My moment happened Day Three. It lasted about two hours, max.

There's a lot of difference between the theory of cutting off 85% of your stomach and actually doing it.

But realize, please, that on Day Three your stomach won't hold much at all. A month later it'll hold more. At six months it'll hold a cup. A year out it might hold more than that.

In other words, your newly operated on stomach holds no resemblance to what your future, fully healed stomach will hold.

There may come a day when you will pine for the days when you could eat only a half cup of food.

For now -- realize that you're going to go through a lot of physical and emotional changes. And you're going to move from those to even more, different feelings and changes.

Be brave. Look forward to eating a normal amount, not overeating.

[shellyd88 463]

@ hilarygylnxo one thing u can tell us anything here if u want to ask questions or after surgery say oh this sucks come here we all have had those days so we know how it feels just keep in mind it gets better it will seem like it won't at first but it will the best way to not have the I told u so ppl harping is to not give them anything to talk about work hard at using the tool you will be given and move forward as the saying goes u can't control what ppl say or how they act maybe but u can control how u react to it u have to live your life they don't so don't allow others opinions or comments to color what u feel u need to do the best response to naysayers is success!!! It speaks for itself

[greatmommy06 1]

I feel this exact same way!!! We can be chat buddies.

[JellyBellyNoMore 58]

I haven't had my surgery, or even the insurance approval yet, but I do know that you're not alone! If you can't talk to the people in your life, you always have this great group of people that are here. See you can still have that pity party, only in a smaller dress size!

[hilaryglynxo 34]

So much good advice here! Thanks ya'll, appreciate the encouragement!

[butterfly** 39]

Also, I think for anyone to say "I told you so" involves jealousy and insecurity on their part. They want to see you fail in fear you may become thinner than them. Try not to take it to heart. Good luck to you! You'll do just fine.

[Remmy75 32]

I grew being the fat kid and having to pretend I didn't like things because I didn't want to be embarrassed because I was to big to do it. I didn't want the other kids to make fun of me. I don't want to live that way anymore. When I have doubts I think about all the things I missed out in my first 40 years because I was afraid.

My worst moment came almost 2 years ago when I got a terrible strep infection in my right foot because my diabetes was out of control and I wasn't facing the reality. I almost lost that foot! So, I sat down and thought to myself what is worse, being stuck in a wheelchair and/or scooter for the rest of my life? Or do I want to finally go thru with the surgery suffer some pain and live a different life and be there for my 9 year old daughter. I lost my mom at 54 and I was 26. I have live 14 years of my life without her. I don't want that for my daughter.

So that brings me back to what have i done? I think about what I have done to myself in my first 40 years. I want to be proud of what I have done to myself in the next 40. That's what I do when I have doubts and I have had plenty. I chickened out on the process once already but I have to move forward with my life in a positive way.

I have my surgery on 9/28 and to me that will be the first day of my new life and my new outlook. I want to live my life and not just survive in it!

[shellyd88 463]

@@Remmy75 good for you!! I'm 47 I was sleeved in February this year the pain really wasn't bad and they give you good drugs lol felt more like I pulled the muscles in my abdomen back and shoulder mostly hurt when getting up and down bending over etc for a few days then it eases up the gas pain was nasty for about 3 days and was nauseas they also give you good drugs for that too lol they do not want u to throw up I took pain meds for 36 hours never touched the RX for home they gave me this horrible nasty vile tasting liquid to go home as a pain meds it was gross I also lost my mom she was 56 she developed diabetes after a lifetime of bad food choices and wasn't not compliant with dr instructions taking meds revising diet or excercise as a result she had bad things happen eventually became septic and died I felt that if I didn't take control that could be me in a few years so I applaud you for wanting to be there for your child hope all goes well for you and best of luck