Burping & Farting

[Guest christstphns]

I am sending a messehe for my wife who just had lapband on Friday Nov.19.She is complaining about the pain of the gas.She was wondering how long it would last?

Concerned husband

[roro33 0]

Dear concerned husband,

mine lasted about 6 days.... i think that was worse than anything... if you are able, and can, take something for gas... gas ex, or simethicone.... that will help the gas break... if she can, warm herbal tea, or any tea.... try to keep moving from side to side, even if it is little movement. get the gas to move.... best wishes....the simethicone(generic name) worked for me...

[leatha_g 4]

I am sending a messehe for my wife who just had lapband on Friday Nov.19.She is complaining about the pain of the gas.She was wondering how long it would last?

Concerned husband

Who is your wifes doctor? I sincerely hope she was able to do some research before making this life changing decision to be banded. There is much to learn. What to expect, what should and shouldn't happen. What to eat, how long. Is she walking? This is the best medicine for gas after banding. Walk, walk, walk... Has she read the Patient Handbook?? ---->>>http://www.inamed.com/products/obesity/us/patient/lapband/information.html#booklet

Here's wishing your wife a smooth recovery and much success with her new band!

[lapbander081004 7]

Ok

Took me forever to find the file I put this in but I think it fits in with this thread.

This a game and husband and wife who both were banded played

Bed Football

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, Touchdown, tie score.

" After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says,

"Half time, switch sides."

[LisaMG 5]

LMAO @ Greg!

[DeLarla 22]

I needed to wake this thread from the dead for a major band confession:

Chris and I went to California last week to stay with Penni and John. I walked in the front door, threw my arms up in the air for a hug, and loud farts came out my butt. John's miffed expression was priceless as an "ohh" escaped his lips, and Penni just laughed. I'm sure they thought it was intentional, but trust me, I could have dropped dead from embarrassment. I didn't even feel them coming on, they just pooked right out in Penni's living room!

Thank God it was Penni and John! Could you imagine if that happened at my company Christmas party next week? This band will kill me yet.

[lauri 0]

LOL I feel for you. Since you shared, I will tell my most embarrassing fart moment.

Two years ago, I was teaching in a really small school. My class room was REALLY small. 15' x 12'! In the class were 7 junior high boys and 4 girls. My desk was near my 4 rowdiest boys. They were complete cut ups. You can imagine how close we were to each other. Well, I had been on a diet chocked full of leaf greens and other dangerous ruffage and was suffering from horrible gas. When I felt it coming on, I would casually walk out into the hall. They never noticed. Then one day, the room was completely quiet, everyone was working really well, Someone raised their hand. I stood up to see what they needed and dropped my pen. I bent over to pick up my pen....And the loudest fart ever escaped-right in the direction of those boys!!! "Mrs. J Farted!"...one of them yelled! "That was her?" exclaimed another.

" Mrs. J, how could you!" came another reply. They were all laughing so hard they were crying and so was I! I was so embarrassed! It took the next hour to gain control of them. They would get quiet and then someone would giggle and it would start all over! I had inadvertently become the boys HERO! Unfortunately, they still hold me in the highest esteem. Not too long ago, I ran into one of them. "Mrs. Jones, remember when you farted? That was so cool!" I unfortunately remembered.

[Rebeccalee 2]

That sounds so much like my junior high experience, Lauri! I love that age -- they can still have sooo much fun! I found upper high school students way too "cool" for me.

I was shopping the other day and felt like a little motor boat, putting down the aisle. Sheesh! I can't believe I shared that.

[Penni60 45]

I am sitting here just cracking up and yes, wait for it, farting too. LOL!!

When Lisa arrived at the house, I slung open the door and opened my arms for a big ole hug and out popped the fart from Lisa. I laughed so hard. I said welcome home. LOL!!

[DeLarla 22]

My boss is walking by and my face is going to explode cuz I'm trying not to laugh. farting in store isles? I though that was MY secret. Sorry, Lauri, but I'm going to have to share your story with A LOT of people. That's classic! Hurt my side laughing.

[HarleyNana 10]

What's even funnier is we all turn around to look and see if anybody noticed, then we look on the floor to act like we stepped on something that made a noise. Since I wear slip ons, I usually try to make a noise with the heel of my shoe, like the reverse of tapping your toe...hehehe

[blossom 2]

Just this week, I have had occassional looooooong, deeeeeeeep burps!! Good Lord, I never did THAT before!

[HarleyNana 10]

I'm not looking forward to that with DH around, it's ok for him to blow a wall out, but if I make a tiny noise, he immediately bellows, "Did you fart???". I can hardly wait!

Again, Blossom, when do you get your first fill?

[Zoe 6]

Brilliant story, Lauri! Hey, we have to take our admirers where we find them.

Yesterday I had an enchilada and a whole lot of guacamole and chips (funny how they just slip right past the band) with a friend who's heard some of my better pre-band noises. We stopped at a florist's and I was almost out the door when a huge avocado-flavored belch roared out of my mouth. I was sure the windows would shatter! My friend just turned around and said, "I haven't heard one of those for a long, long time." The cashier's eyes were on me, and several customers', but I just closed the door behind me with a weak little smile.

[blossom 2]

Pat, I answered you on some other thread. But, next Wed. I will hopefully get my first fill. Can't wait!!!