1 Year Plastics Surgiversary- Oh how things have changed...

[AvaFern 3,516]

So, I'm actually two days late posting this because I thought my first plastics surgiversary was next week. I had a breast lift/augment and abdominoplasty done on 8/20/14 and this was my first and favorite of the three plastics surgeries that I had over the last year. I was always a chubby kid so never in my life have I had a flat stomach- there was always this little fat roll (or a big fat roll or rolls depending on my weight). Now that I am at a year, all of the swelling is gone. I'm a little over 5 months out from my last surgery, so I know what my final result is and I look like a very different person. I can wear tight clothing, because there's no skin or fat to be pinched and I can feel like I really look like a normal person now, instead of a fatty or a former fatty.

Also, when the first boyfriend I have had in a very long time decided to be a complete tool this week, I had no problem walking away. I didn't date anyone while I was really fat, but even when I was a little larger (145-160ish) and I was younger, I always believed that I wasn't good enough because I was fat, I was saggy, and I was someone that no one would ever be proud of being seen with. In the end any relationship that failed was because I was worthless, because on the outside I was ugly. I feel shallow saying that the sleeve and plastic surgery corrected that, but to a certain extent it did. I'm still self conscious about my brachioplasty scars and part of me wonders if when his friends saw my arm scars they made fun of him and that's why he was awful to me....but I think that's just me being paranoid. Even if it isn't being paranoid, the scars are way better than the old wings and I am working on accepting that.

I am 126 pounds on most days, I wear a size 0-2 pants and xs dresses and shirts, I have no health issues, I am athletic, I am completely self-sufficient and I do well, I have nice homes and nice cars, I have a high IQ, a doctorate level of education, and I am, I believe, a person who is mostly kind and of some value to the world....and a guy was still mean to me. Before I would have said, well duh, it's because you're fat, you're saggy, and you're embarrassing to be seen with, and I would have discounted all of the good things about me purely because on the outside I was worthless. Now I can say...well, sucks for him. For the first time in my life the end of a relationship doesn't mean I wasn't good enough because of what I look like...and the 20K I paid for my sleeve and the 40K I paid for plastics end up being priceless, because not seeing myself as worthless on the outside, has done really good things for not feeling like I'm worthless on the inside.

So...happy plastics surgiversary to me.

[Mini_me007 121]

Happy, happy surgiversary!!! Good for you for kicking the tool to the curb! You're awesome. Sucks to be him. Keep on keeping on!!!

[Elode 8,093]

@@AvaFern Dang! I was hoping for pictures!!! Congrats girl I'm sure you look stunning and are deserving of every bit of it! Screw that guy!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

His loss.

[parisshel 1,892]

Even more than your successful physical transformation, I admire your successful mental transformation. You'll end up with a fantastic partner, of that I'm sure.

[Babbs 14,681]

@@AvaFern

With all due respect, I really take offense to you basically saying you were unlovable before you had plastic surgery. I notice when you were ticking off all your wonderful assets, your weight and the size 0-2 came before the doctorate or high IQ. In my opinion, that's more important than what damn pants size you wear. And should be more important to any decent man worth dating you.

You will learn that if someone truly loves you for you, it's not about your surgery scars, what size you are ( I had to laugh when you said when you were "larger" at 145-160, like that's ENORMOUS).

I met my husband 28 years ago this month at 145 lbs. He has seen me from 135-235 pounds, and has loved me at every stage in between. I'm pushing 50, getting wrinkles and things are sagging. I know I don't have to run out and get plastic surgery for me to feel worthy enough for him to love me.

Looks fade, but inner beauty and having a good head on your shoulders is forever. You are, and always have been worthy, no matter how much you weigh or what pants size you are. And it makes me sad that you and so many others feel they aren't unless they attain the societal perfect standard of beauty.

I see it on this site all the time where women don't think they are worthy of love and respect from anybody because of what size they wear or the number they see on the scale. Like I said, it just makes me sad.

[AvaFern 3,516]

@@Babbs

Do you think if you had met your husband at 235 instead of 145 he would still be with you? When you love someone you are willing to overlook the flaws that later develop, but when you meet someone for the first time without the benefit of already loving them, all the little things do matter and do limit your potential for dating. The guy I was dating was my friend first, so when he found out about all of my scars he never once said anything bad about them because he already cared about me as a person. If I had opened with...hey there, I have scars all over my body, you want to take me to dinner? I sincerely doubt the result would have been the same.

I am happy for you that you have such a great guy in your life, but let's be honest...if he didn't already love you for who you are, would he have given the 235 pound version of you a second glance?

As much as we want to say that appearances don't matter...in the initial impression, that point that gets you to the first date, the first anniversary, and to the 20th anniversary, if you aren't something someone wants to look at, there is a very slim chance they are ever going to get to know all of the other wonderful things about you. Size matters...(in all aspects of the word, lol) and as much as we want to tell ourselves that it is the inner beauty that matters, it is outer beauty that gets you through the door- inner beauty just keeps you there.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@AvaFern ... congrats on your new-found confidence. I think that's wonderful.

But my perspective is a bit more like Babbs's. I met my husband 20 years ago when I weighed 185 pounds. We'd been talking online and on the phone for a couple of months before we met (we lived hundreds of miles apart) and already knew how much we had in common. Like you and your recent boyfriend, we were already friends.

The night we finally met in person I remember deciding NOT to wear control top pantyhose or even wear foundation makeup, for that matter -- just jeans, a sweater, mascara, lipstick and sandals. I really wanted to be the most visible, transparent me (physically) I could be. He proposed (with a ring) on our second date a few weeks later. Sounds weird, but if I had time to share other details here, it might make more sense. The miracle is I was smart enough to say yes.

Prior to WLS, he'd seen my weight fluctuate from 160 pounds to (gasp!) my all-time high of 235 (coincidentally, Babbs's highest weight, too). Through it all he has adored and been kind to me. I have adored and been kind to him.

Now that I weigh 143 pounds (with batwing arms and a saggy tummy) he still adores me and is kind to me every day in so many ways. And vice versa. We wouldn't trade each other in for a younger or a firmer model for anything in the world. He's just proud of me and so happy that I'm happy and healthier at my lower weight.

Sexual attraction is sparked by so much more than how much we weigh. And love, not to mention a great love, is about soooo much more than sexual attraction.

I hope you find your own love out there that grows into a great love. It's just the safest, best feeling thing in the whole world.

[Babbs 14,681]

Well, I just asked him and he said "I dunno. Would your big brown eyes have looked any different at 235 pounds? Because that's what attracted me to you initially."

I see your point. I really do, and you are certainly correct in the fact as a single gal needs certain assets to attract a man. But why does it have to be her pant size? Believe it or not, not all men are that shallow. At least the ones that are worth having.

After all, how many women on this site met spouses being overweight or even obese? I have friends who got married being obese. Plenty of men thought they were worthy enough for a second look, eh?

My point actually was it just made me a little sad that at 145-160 pounds you still felt "fat and saggy" and not worthy of being loved until plastic surgery and you were a size 0. You honestly don't see anything wrong with that picture?

I'm happy you feel plastic surgery has made you feel more confident. But there's a difference between a new found confidence and feeling you're worthy enough to receive love because you now feel you physically fit the mold.

That's all I'm saying on the subject.

You're great and I honestly do love your posts. This one just raised a red flag for me, that's all. You can tell me to piss off if you want.

[maggie409 765]

@@AvaFern

With all due respect, I really take offense to you basically saying you were unlovable before you had plastic surgery.

Why in the world would you take offense when she is simply telling us how she used to feel?? The post isn't about you and people should be able to post what they, themselves, feel about themselves.

[katladee 156]

Ava, I commend you on the life making decisions you have made for yourself, and that is the only person you have to make happy! I am a newbie, but have been overweight from my high school days to now. I am 56 and finally decided it was time to do something. I haven't had my surgery yet, and am inwardly curious as to what my life will be like as a thin person. Just wanted to say that if a guy can't accept you for the person you are, but what your appearance is, then by all means kick him to the curb! You want to share you life with someone who loves you regardless. Life is short, and you never know if something is going to happen to change your appearance or health. If they truly care and love you they will accept those changes as well. Just as you would for that person. I was married before and my weight was always an issue for him. One child and 14 yrs later I finally made the decision to leave. I met someone that I have been with for 15 yrs now, and he has loved me through it all. He is my biggest supporter now, not so he will have a thin woman, but because he knows it is what I want to keep me healthy so we can have another 15-20 years together. You will find that someone that can look past the wrapping and love you for your wonderful personality, big heart, and kind soul that is on the inside. You rock, girl! Thanks for your honesty, and willingness to share your feelings!

[Babbs 14,681]

@@AvaFern

With all due respect, I really take offense to you basically saying you were unlovable before you had plastic surgery.

Why in the world would you take offense when she is simply telling us how she used to feel?? The post isn't about you and people should be able to post what they, themselves, feel about themselves.

Okay, offense was the wrong word. It just made me a little sad she felt that way. And no, she can't help how she feels.

But she feels great now, and honestly, that's all that matters. More power to her!

[Awjones28 320]

Yes, sad is probably a better word @Babbs. I understand both of your views regarding feeling attractive and being attractive to someone else. My husband met me at 165, and 10yrs later I'm at 249, yet he's still here. No, a lot of men aren't shallow, but let's face it- a lot are. However, she's happy in her new body, and we are happy for her!

[Scamp 210]

Surgiversary is a grrreat word!

I am approx 5.5yrs from Op1 and 3.5yrs thereabouts from Op5

I think we all feel very differently about our bodies and ourselves, and how we view the world around us and how see/ think the world views us ya know... Sometimes this world is a very judgmental place, for many many reasons be it education, weight, looks, height -

We are judged all the time on everything, which is quite sad - The world is a minefield for so many people, even if they just feel that way etc...

I have to say I feel like a whole new person - It is not just about the body though - Mentally this has given me something I never had before. Before Op1 I was so fearful that I renewed my will etc - And felt like all would end - I couldn't for some reason see the other side. I am so glad that a few words given to me helped me through it all (Words were 'Keep your eyes on the prize' ) - And some money lent to me by family to aid me getting it done, also my surgeon who helped by doing some of the surgery for me that I never knew of. I had the best best bestttt surgeon!

Mentally I am so different now - I have an inner confidence I never had before when I hated myself. It is horrible how we are so judged on our looks and our size, and I judged myself much more harshly than others I guess. I think learning to appreciate yourself is an important thing - Getting rid of the skin helped me to feel more human. After losing so much weight I hated myself all over again - Because I felt once again like an alien from the world... Mentally the surgery helped me so very much that even my surgeon said he noticed I was so different. Before Op1 he wanted me to possibly see a psychiatrist, I think he thought I was just mad. (A possibility, lol) But I think now he has seen me post plastics he has seen how this part of the journey is so important to some people like myself... Finding the elusive 'normality' is different from just saying you want to be normal. Normality for me is my own crazy kind of self - Happy, laughing - At one with myself... Just being 'Me' - The me I was unable to be I guess when I hated myself.... I wouldn't say I was unlovable. My ex loved me, and he still might I guess. I just felt unlovable as I was unable to love myself or feel anything but 'numb' with myself...

Now - It is 5yrs from Op2 (belly) and I am so very happy that I got through it. I am so happy with the flat belly I never had before.

I am 126lbs - Half of the weight I used to be :-)

My Op2 Inverted T scar is not the best it could have been - I didn't know the tricks to a flatter scar until Op3... But I am still so very happy as I don't have to look down at a ton of skin and I can buy clothes to fit me - Instead of making extra room and buying bigger clothes to have extra room for redundant skin etc... My belly button is weird also, lol - I had had a previous surgery which left me with a free floating belly button - I think that is why it looks like a Cat's bum and doesn't sit flat... Still very happy though - With all of the Ops....

I am just so grateful to my family for helping me, to my surgeon for making this happen, and to everyone who knows me for putting up with the old me - And the new me. lol

I took the first belly pic in ages today... (Sorry, lol)

This is 5yrs post my surgery. Sorry about the elastic marks on my belly - Just got back from swimming and wearing tracksuit bottoms lol...

Well done to everyone on their Surgiversaries...

Good luck to anyone who is embarking on this part of their journey...

Edited August 24, 2015 by Scamp

[JoannLz 62]

Im 7 days post op of a body lift and i cant wait to see what ill look like in a year. Even though im only 7 days i love my dr work almost no swelling the insicion line looks tiny. I love it.