Would you give them a chance again?

[Lee4love1 0]

We all were once overweight or Obese ,severely Obese....

If you had your eyes on a person (male or female)--but they ignored you--badly.

But all of sudden--there has been some new interest cropping up. You know--smiles, winks and walking up and talking suddenly.

Would you give them the time of day now?

:faint:

[adorable 1]

No...I may not be the same person that I was before, but I am still ME! If I wasn't good enough for them to stick with before, they surely don't get me now! Plus now I've met and married the man of my dreams so they can all eat their hearts out!

[Band-aided 0]

Yes I would! Lets face it, the first thing is attraction. I know the first time i saw my hubby I fancied the pants off him! Now I know him, I don't care what he looks like because I know him and love him for himself. But, at first if I hadn't found him yummy I wouldn't have been drawn to him romantically. I would give them a second chance, they're only human! As for being the same person that you were before, well, are you? You're now more confiden, have more self worth......All those things alone are very attractive qualities! How do you know it's not those things that are'nt shining though in you? Good luck in your choice whatever you decide jX

[Jachut 487]

If someone was downright rude to me before and changed his tune completely, no. But in the situation where say a friend had never shown romantic interest and then did, yes. I may be still me but I"m way more attractive at a normal weight.

I actually tend to like "cuddly" men myself, my DH carries 50 extra pounds. But I dont think its unreasonable, shallow or superficial to not be attracted to someone who's 100, 200lb overweight, even if you find them nice people. Its not healthy, I wouldnt choose to share the lifestyle that a very obese person obviously leads in terms of eating, exercise behaviour etc, and I think there's more than conscious thought at play, its normal human behaviour that seeks a mate that looks as if he/she can produce progeny and not die of a heart attack whilst hunting dinner.

I know I'm still basically ME but a) I look a darnsite better than I used to and lifestyle wise I'm a bloody lot more fun to be around. It wouldnt surprise me in the least to hear that someone find me attractive now that didnt before, its got more to do than just how I look and I know my entire persona is different now.

[slechleiter 0]

Abosolutely NOT! I work at a university and was mortified one day to hear some guys talking about some girl who had recently lost a bunch of weight over the summer. There was some talk about how she's probably emotionally defunct and would prob sleep w/ anyone just to try out the new bod now that she could "get some" I wanted to walk up to those boys and slap them all, but of course, there were legal issues......

My husband met me chubby, fell in love w/ me chubby and has supported my weightloss 100%. If it was any other way, I'd be worried.

If you had your eyes on a person (male or female)--but they ignored you--badly.//

[juliegeraci 7]

Personally I would give them a second chance. There are a lot of people who are uncomfortable around obese people. If you are feeling and looking good it shows. I would definitely reconsider, but that's just me.

[Chris_NJ 9]

If I wasn't happy and with someone. All I can say is USE AND ABUSE !!!! Paybacks are a #$%^# :confused:

[tlambright1986 0]

i agree with chris.. payback is a bitch.. i wouldnt just go around and mess with every guys head i could find but if some guy absolutely didnt like me before because of my weight and then tried after the WLS...i would probably just mess with his emotions lol

[Marimaru 7]

Like Jachut said, if the person was a friend who never showed romantic interest before, and then started to, I probably would give them another chance. Even if the were only an acquaintance, but they were cordial, probably I would. But if they were ever rude to me, or anything like that, I wouldn't.

[aubrie 6]

I have to agree with jet lag jane. In many cases, you are a different you. A confident you. A smiling you, a comfortable you, a satisfied you, a thoughtful you, etc. That definately shines through. I've been thin. I know I'm not the same person I used to be and it pisses me off when I catch myself and think about it. On the other hand, I'm also more sensitive to the plight of the obese now. Whereas I didn't think much about it when I was thin, I catch myself passing an overweight person walking or exercising and say to myself, "You GO GIRL!!" Or if I see one that's obviously in pain, I say a little prayer for them. Life is a journey, and all that has passed has taught me some little thing. Every day I'm a little different. A little more compassionate, a little more thoughtful, a little more aware of the here and now, and a lot more confident and a little more thick skinned. I know for fact I have less friends as a fat person than I did as a thin person. But it's hard to say if it's because of others' attitudes or mine. Did I pull back as a result of being self conscience? Did I allow my self esteem to dip? probably. As for letting someone in my life who previously didn't give me the time of day??? I'm mature enough now to be kind, polite and gracious, but I doubt I would let someone that shallow be my best buddy. My new found self esteem probably wouldn't allow it, but that doesn't give me license to be ugly. I'm better than that, and my journey through fat hell has taught me that it's not going to change what's happened. I would refuse to stoop to their level. I can hold my chin (minus the double rolls) up and smile! I can choose my own friends. I don't need the shallow aquaitences of my past. Get new ones!! There's a whole world out there waiting to meet you!

[dialit 0]

I'm with jet lag jane and aubry on this one.

I am not the same person I was before banding...ok, I am, but I'm not. I am more attractive to ME!!! And that is what makes me more attractive to others. It isn't necessarily the pounds you've lost...you may be at the beginning or in the middle of your journey. It is the getting lighter and healthier, feeling more graceful, and having an aura of joy. Let's face it. Didn't most of us buy into the "fat is unattractive" line, and not about others, about OURSELVES! I know I started to love me more before the band was even in, and I started to show that to the world within a few days of surgery...and it just keeps growing as the exercise increases, the sizes drop, the cpap goes into the closet, the meds reduce. I feel 10 years younger in 8 weeks! And I am acting 10 years younger, too!

If you are more attractive, inside and out, then of course that is going to shine out and others are going to be drawn to you, people who maybe never noticed you before, or who treated you like a kid sister or whatever.

Didn't anybody see 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'?

We are what we project to the world. If we are projecting tired, worn-out, wary, self-abusive, what do we expect others to see?

Having said all this, I would say that if the guy was a creep who took advantage and then dumped you, this is a different ball of wax. But if it is someone who just never seemed to notice you before, while you fantasized about a romance with him and thought to yourself "he'll never notice me...I'm not good enough, pretty enough, blah, blah, blah", then he wasn't ignoring you, he was just following along with what you were showing the world at the time.

I would even have to say the same about a DH with whom things had grown distant, etc, but then picked back up as you changed. As long as there wasn't intentional malice, everyone deserves a chance to love you as much as you are now loving you, and no one should be punished for ignoring you as much as you were ignoring you.