Have you friends become Jealous?

[Lee4love1 0]

Hello again Bansters all over. Do you have some stories you'd like to share about people around you-who's shown their jealous streak?

I mean--saying snide remarks, crazy talking of how you aint all that or whatever?

I am a Man and I would have never thought--other Men would say the silliest things. Now here I am 50 years old (6-21) and hearing guys around me--laugh and all that.

I started riding my bike 4 to 5 days a week around here--as long as the weather has been not too hot.

I got bit by a dog on week two and I hear--"You should have not riding that bike--stupid-!

One guy who is the maintinance Man tells me--"Hey Lee--what you think you doing? "You can't turn back the hands of time--no matter what you do-!

"Hey, you're killing yourself--are you ready to stop riding now? Funny--you know who told me this? My sons 5th grade teacher when I showed up to the "field day"with my helmet and gloves--and yes--bike".

I rode a long time--now at 11 weeks of riding. I finally got my next door neigbors to ask--"Can I ride with you,Lee? I said--well where are your bikes? I let them ride my kids bikes--since we all have the same size bikes. After 2 days--they quit. After 1 week--I hear the ladies boyfriend who lives behind me say--"Man you aint slick, you are trying to steal my Woman-!....Funny--hos Woman is a size 18 to 20 and I was never interested in her. Her and the other neighbor is 23 and 24 year old Women--who quit atfer 2 days. Saying--they are not used ot riding 2-1/2 to 5 miles a day.

The young Man who is about 26--said at first--"You need to ride with your big a**". Then at the same time--he is saying,'Hey Dude--I see you losing all the weight--what's up with that?

People are so silly and will say anything to show their real feelings masked. All I want is to be in shape and avoid a lot of the deseases that some of us "Black Men" get after age 40...

Give me your stories--maybe we'll strike up sopmething really funny here...:faint::heh::clap2:

[mrspruett 0]

You know something else that indicates ill will IMHO? People who say absolutely NOTHING. I am down 40 pounds. Most of my clothes are too big to wear but the ones I can still wear absolutely HANG on me! Not one comment has been made by my co-workers.......these are the same people who notice a small blemish on your face and comment on it......WTF....

[JOYCE13 0]

I know what you mean. I have a friend of 14 years, I told her I was going to do this she said what for. Oh, I don't konw because my weight is 377. She was supposed to go to the seminar with me and never showed and has not called me in two weeks. We talk nearly every day. Guess I will see what happens.

[chimboree26 24]

Jealousy is an ugly thing. Fortunately, most of the people I've told have been very supportive of me. But, there are some that I purposely have not told for this very reason. They are already jealous of me and this will just kill them. It will be the icing on the cake. But you know what? Misery loves company. Of course the jealous ones aren't going to congratulate you or be sincerely interested...but don't think they're not watching. Oh, they can probably recite the Bandster rules better than you can. Anyhow, don't be surprised at the many pairs of green eyes that will be focused on you...especially since this is a tool that actually works when we use it properly.

*singing*

"Let's give 'em somethin to talk about...

a little mystery to figure out...":D

[Lee4love1 0]

Hey--I am feeling you all. I have gotten that already and I am only down maybe 33 to 35 pounds. I have not checked my weight lately. I know that my clothes now hang on me too. Some of my shorts slide off of me when riding my bike--thank God I wear the biker chorts under-neath..lol

Oh I see and hear of the jealousy. Sad because the ones who can do the same--refuses to do it. I have heard some of lamest excuses ever. My brother- who is 48 this month---told me, "he is fat because he is trying to make sure his casket is full upon his death". He is sitting on about 410 pounds right now. Even his wife cracks jokes about how he lifts weights--only weight is in his spoon. My brother who is 45--he says--he's now is considering the surgery. He's a big Man at 5'11"--maybe 350...But I hope he'll do the d*** thing too. My Mom--Lord help her. I called and talked with her--I could have sworn she talked to me with some type of attitude. She says--"You don't need to tell me about this lapband"--"Two Ladies on my job has had it and I know all about it"--strange--she then says--why you need to do this? Then the last thing--You should get it taken out after you lose enough"..I let her know--If It can stay in me for 30 years--it will remain inside...She asked again--why?

Guess what? My Mom has not called me since early May. I knew she was mad. She's told me--except who you are--all of us are fat..why do you need to change?

[StacyinDE 0]

Lee,

Good for you for doing all you can to get healthier and doing what's best for you! I know it has to be hard to not have a lot of support from your family, hopefully they will come around! I posted my jealousy situation on another thread a few weeks ago, but I'll repost it here on yours, here's my deal:

I am currently having a situation with a lifelong friend who has always and forever been the "thin" one and now our roles are almost reversed (I am by no means "thin" yet but. . . .) she has been gaining steadily over the last several years and now we are within 10 pounds of each other. Her weight continues to go up and thankfully, mine is still going down. She is having a very hard time with this as she is supposed to be the the "thin" one, not me -- I'm supposed to stay fat, forever. It has, as you can imagine, really put a strain on our friendship.

She claims to diet and exercise constantly but when we are together and there is food involved, she makes all of the wrong choices for "dieting" or eating healthy and tries to get me to do the same. She gets very aggravated when I tell her I can't eat the cheesesteaks, thick-crust pizzas, mega fries and strombolis anymore. I've tried to explain to her that it will get stuck and cause me tremendous pain, not to mention all the other fun stuff we go through when something clashes with our band!

I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but right now, it doesn't look too good. I'm really hoping she can come to terms with her weight gain and not be so negative towards me for doing something that is improving my health. It has to be hard for her, having such a role reversal, and I know all too well how being overweight and unhappy feels.......I've had years and years of practice. I've offered to exercise with her, share recipes, whatever, but she's not interested. The thing that really got to her was when her 7-year-old said "mommy, Stacy is skinnier than you now, you're getting really fat!" I know that really hurt her feelings, too. I feel really bad for her because I know her struggle, but she doesn't want to work at losing weight together. I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

I posted this about a month ago and sadly, nothing has changed. I've lost a few more pounds and she has gained more and become more bitter. I'm almost afraid to bring up anything about weight loss or healthy eating because she bites my head off. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to and she gets really ticked off if our friends comment on my weight loss. We have definitely drifted further apart; it seems the more weight I lose the madder she gets. :faint:

[Marimaru 7]

*who* you are and *what* you look like don't have to be related, in fact, they often aren't. Alot of us feel like we are getting to know our *true* selves as we lose this shell we call fat.

I am sorry about your mom, she honestly is probably jealous that you have the strength to do something about 'who you are' even though it has nothing to do with 'who you are'. My mom told me the other day that I only ever 'swatted' at losing weight, and that I'm doing the same thing with surgery that I could have done without it to lose weight. SHE *paid* for my surgery, and this is the first of anything I've heard like this. She's tried to quit smoking as many times as I have tried to diet, and you know what? She still smokes! Sometimes I think she understands, and other times she just proves that she has no idea.

[Lee4love1 0]

Let me share this story with you Stacy....

In 2002--I tried marriage again. I met a Woman in church and I was head over hills with her. Getting to the sad part--I was a Gym fanatic and didnt know much about my meals and how to do them and eat right. So my weight loss was so small. So after feeling defeated in 2004--I saw that the medicare insurance had made "Obesity" a desease. That'swhen I first considered the lap band. I called up a few Doctors--got opinions. Then my weight was a yoyo thing. This month--I was 260....next month--240 and so on...Anyway--you would expect the love of your life--your spouse to support you. I got excepted and was about to start my tests and so on. My wife at the time told me..."Why are you doing this? I said because I can't seem to maintain the weight and I need releif. She said...you can have that surgery--but you will be at the hospital all alone. I will not come there to see you or pick you up.The lap band is killing people. I told her--it's the bypass that has the high risk. She ignored me and like the Man I "was"--I stopped what I was doing. I worked out and got down to 218. Oh yes--fit andtrim--but guess what?? Sick as he**. I had lose too much--too fast and too much muscle. I gained it all back with interest. The reason I was given of why she "really"didn't support me...My dear wife said she needed to keep me fat--she knew that other Women would want me if I got smaller. The on top of it all--she would call me sick, poor and a few other names when we were in the privacy of our bedroom.Our walls were paper thin. My kids--asked me---"Daddy why is "Miss Phyllis mad at you for losing weight? My kids now are only 11 and 9...I am a single dad--thank God she is not their Mom. Then one day--I saw her ex-husband...I am asking--God please forgive me....This Man was all of 500 pounds--at least. My wife (now ex-wife) was all of a size 8 during 2004. Something strange hit her in 2005---called age 40. She went to a size 10, 12, 14, 16 and after we split--a big 18 to 20. Yes--just like that. Her old habit of sleeping right after a meal caught up to her...She went to the Doctor and cried about having a thyroid problem and would he start her on thyroid meds...he refused. Then she tried this pill and that pill for that magical cure...I still even though I was having issues--I stayed exercising and never stopped until the Hurricane(Katrina). I moved and decided--273 wasn't my deal...Again now that I am in the 238 area...I am thankful again for the lapband. My dream is to visit a few friends down on the gulf coast--maybe Christmas or Jan-08. It will be a shock them all--at who I am...

[Marimaru 7]

I posted this about a month ago and sadly, nothing has changed. I've lost a few more pounds and she has gained more and become more bitter. I'm almost afraid to bring up anything about weight loss or healthy eating because she bites my head off. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to and she gets really ticked off if our friends comment on my weight loss. We have definitely drifted further apart; it seems the more weight I lose the madder she gets. :faint:

Honestly, shy may be in a fair amount of denial. I denied my weight gain for a LONG time. Sure, I was overweight and could stand to lose a few pounds... HOLY CRAP I NEED TO LOSE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS!!!! It was a bit of a shock when I MADE myself see what I looked like, how much I weighed and what was "normal". I had a friend in high school who was bigger than me, so I figured I was 'okay' if I stayed smaller than her... her and I both gained weight proportionately over the years, I was still smaller than her tho, maybe your friend feels something like this? I hope it can get worked out, I've lost alot of friendships for various reasons, mostly that most of the friends I've had are still living the same lives they lived in high school (10 years later), and it drives me nuts! but all of the friendships lost for whatever reason hurt.

[Lee4love1 0]

My Mom may have started to have some anger issues possibly.A couple of my Brothers have said--they are saying as little as possible to her these days. I told her--I went on a date with a woman 29--she acted like I has sold some US secrets to the Russians...That was like 8 months back...

Maybe it's jealousy--maybe it's something else--only God knows..

[StacyinDE 0]

Lee,

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your marraige! I can't even imagine how painful that must have been for you. I have to say though, it sounds like it is definitely her loss!

Thank you for sharing such personal information. You seem like a really nice guy and very down to earth. I'm glad you went through with the banding FOR YOU and are healthy and going strong! I'm sure your friends on the Gulf Coast will just be very excited to see you, period! Being healthy and happy will be an extra bonus for you and for them. Being happy with who you are on the inside and loving yourself is the first step towards truly being happy and even being at peace with yourself, and when you love yourself it shines through and opens you up to accept love from others.

I have a feeling the ladies are going to beating down your door when they see *who* you really are, if they're not already! :eyebrows:

Take care!

[StacyinDE 0]

Honestly, shy may be in a fair amount of denial. I denied my weight gain for a LONG time. Sure, I was overweight and could stand to lose a few pounds... HOLY CRAP I NEED TO LOSE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS!!!! It was a bit of a shock when I MADE myself see what I looked like, how much I weighed and what was "normal".

This may be a part of it. She is definitely in denial about her size and I don't think she is being honest about her weight or diet either. She is a twin and her sister is at least 30 pounds smaller than her and wears a smaller size; they are constantly in competition and she seems to feel that if she can get in a smaller size (whether it zips or not) it fits. Unfortunately, it looks like she is about to burst out of her clothes because she refuses to get a bigger size.

I had a friend in high school who was bigger than me, so I figured I was 'okay' if I stayed smaller than her... her and I both gained weight proportionately over the years, I was still smaller than her tho, maybe your friend feels something like this?

I'm sure this is part of it too. I was ALWAYS the "fat" one in the group, weighing at least 50 pounds or more than everyone else. The rest of our friends don't have a problem with my weight loss or the surgery, and are very supportive and complimentary. But, I'm not the fattest anymore. Our friends say that if we stand together, she is much bigger than I am. Of course, my mental image hasn't changed yet so I still see myself 50 pounds heavier and think the rest of my friends are nuts, lol!

I hope it can get worked out, I've lost alot of friendships for various reasons, mostly that most of the friends I've had are still living the same lives they lived in high school (10 years later), and it drives me nuts! but all of the friendships lost for whatever reason hurt.

Thank you! I hope we can work it out too - it's a lifelong friendship I would hate to have end over jealousy. Our kids are friends, and it's a shame she is so bitter right now. It's to the point none of the rest of our friends even invite her to parties or outings because she is so negative and unhappy even around her kids and they don't want her around THEIR kids! It does hurt too, she was really excited before I had the surgery. . . . .until you could "see" I lost weight. Maybe it has to do with me getting more attention now. Maybe she is jealous because I fade into the woodwork less now? I don't know. Right now I'm just giving her time and space as she needs it. There's not much else I can do.

Thanks again for the support and kind words. I hope everything is okay too with you and your mom!

Take care!

[DerickM 1]

I hope so...bastards were are always getting the girls

I plan on turning the tables on them :confused:

[justbeingme 1]

My one friend, who has been with me since we were in diapers, recently told me that she wished she was more like me. She said she was jealous that I was getting so skinny and she wasn't. I told her that she could run and such with me if she wanted, but she said no.

Another two long time friends told my sister that they think that I have an eating disorder. They think that I don't eat enough to survive. Thankfully my sister and niece stuck up for me. They said that I can't eat too much because I have a bad stomach. My niece who looks up to me also told them that I wasn't dumb enough to not eat or to make myself throw up.

None of my friends know about my surgery. I sometimes think I should tell them, but then I think they wouldn't understand so I just keep it to myself. Teenage years are hard enough without everyone knowing about my lapband.

[Chickie 15]

I found out who all my real friends were.

Those who stood by me regardless of my size = Friend.

Those who gave me the cold shoulder once I was thinner than them = Thoughtless assholes who do not deserve my friendship.