Unsupportive family

[Yaberhoo 358]

I am still saving for surgery. I told my mom, my boss, and two friends. One friend isn't supportive because she knows someone who died having WLS surgery in the states and is terrified that she will lose me. She lives out of state so I told her what she wanted to hear that I changed my mind. My sisters aren't to be told because they are critical of me to begin with. I don't trust that they would be supportive of the surgery, let alone the day to day. I can see them critiquing every single thing I put in my mouth, so I swore my mom to secrecy.

My mom is very concerned but acknowledges that I'm 37 years old, knows the lifelong struggle I've had, and I have done my research. My other friend is my champion. She is as excited as I am and will be travelling with me for my surgery.

If your family is not supportive then look to your non-biological family for support. There are friends who love you and will support you in your decision. When your family asks about your obvious weight loss, tell them you are dieting and leave it at that. Good luck! You have friends here as well who know exactly what you are going through.

[desertgirl_74 114]

My family was negative about the surgery as well. But this was the decision I came to because I was tired of the lose 50 gain 80 roller coaster I'd been on for 20years. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 4 years ago and I was able to lose enough to get it to a manageable level. But it was still there. I was still on a daily med. I wasn't really getting anywhere. Plus it was getting harder and harder to keep it under control as the months passed and I got older. Now, after I came out of surgery alive, had no complications, had a very easy recovery, etc... and seeing my health dramatically improve they've completely changed their minds. You will always have someone say you should be able to this on your own. Even after surgery! You're following the post-op diet, I'm sure you could have done this without surgery. For me it's knowing that I'm not one crappy day away from eating an entire pan pizza. That's what's different.

[newmebithebypass 713]

i was worried about telling my dad because he has always been critical of my weight but he didnt really have a reaction when i told him. which was amazing because he never does that

[Nylaj 45]

You're a grown woman so do what is right for you. You have make decisions on what you want, not what your family wants or thinks.

But when people are not supportive, it can make you doubt yourself. So, if I were you, tell them so you can see what side of the road they are on. If they don't support you, then make it known that you won't be coming around b/c you can't have negativity in your life.

[asiruam87 6]

It is really hard having family disapprove. I understand that it is only out of concern for me. However, I feel like part of the reason I'm doing this is because I'm sick of being criticized. I guess it doesn't matter if you are criticized either way, I'll do what makes me happy.

I'm just amazed how insensitive people who don't have weight problems can be. Having a high metabolism doesn't make a person the expert in weight loss. Eating well and working out is different for everyone. If it was easy for me, I wouldn't be planning the surgery.

I just wish people would ask questions without being condescending. It just hurts.

[lalajade 20]

My boyfriend is not supportive. Do I told him I didn't want him there for my surgery when I really needed him there. I went home from hospital today and we ended up fighting because he's throwing it in my face that I said I didn't want him there. I feel like I cannot win in the situation.

[Yaberhoo 358]

@@lalajade, no you cannot win in that situation. If he wasn't supportive of the surgery, it would have been additionally stressful to have him with you at the hospital. You need support at that time, not criticism. Since he wasn't supportive before surgery, it is reasonable that he wouldn't be supportive while you were in the hospital.

Now that you are post op, I hope that you both are able to move past this hiccup. However, his lack of support could be more than fear for you and may be a reflection of his insecurity in this relationship and your potential weight loss. Hope for the best and don't hide your head in the sand if it isn't.