To tell my coworker/friend or not...

[losing_the_band 133]

I'm having my band-to-bypass surgery on the 24th (woot!), and I still haven't decided whether or not to tell my coworker/friend about it. I wouldn't normally (and have no intention of telling anyone else at work, since I got burned where I worked when I had to have my band replaced in 2011 and told people), but we go out to eat occasionally. With the band, I basically ate like a normal person, but that's not going to be possible with the bypass. I'm going to be very limited in what I can eat, and the amount (which is even more noticeable). On one hand, I don't want her to know, because after having a couple of people I trusted spread my band replacement around work, I just don't trust people not to gossip. On the other hand, she is my friend, and I don't want to possibly hurt her feelings, since she's already got some issues and feels like she's been abandoned by other friends because of them. And on yet another hand, I kind-of feel like her issues are not my responsibility. Any advice?

[jane13 2,256]

@@losing_the_band - I hate to say it, but does she really need to know? you still have the band and you are probably still eating pretty rationally. Does she know it is being removed? If she only knows that (its being removed), not revised, then why share the extra info?

I ended up telling everyone at work because they thought I was sick. I was hoping to not have to tell everyone but the cats out of the bag now. I do not tell them "numbers" just that I am losing "at my pace" and I am happy about my decision and feel great, which is the truth!

no regrets!!!!

[losing_the_band 133]

@@losing_the_band - I hate to say it, but does she really need to know? you still have the band and you are probably still eating pretty rationally. Does she know it is being removed? If she only knows that (its being removed), not revised, then why share the extra info?

I ended up telling everyone at work because they thought I was sick. I was hoping to not have to tell everyone but the cats out of the bag now. I do not tell them "numbers" just that I am losing "at my pace" and I am happy about my decision and feel great, which is the truth!

no regrets!!!!

She doesn't even know I have the band. Right now, I can eat a relatively normal amount, since I have no Fluid in my band, so it will be really obvious when I go from eating a cup or two of regular food to eating a couple of ounces of pureed/soft foods. I normally wouldn't even tell her anything, but like I said, we do go out to eat every so often, so it will be obvious when my eating habits change, unless I just start avoiding going out with her.

[Madeleine Renee 77]

I would not tell. Try to avoid going out to eat for a while of course and then, you can always say you are on a serious diet because you want to lose more, which is true.

I would avoid telling for the simple reason that if you want to keep it private this is the only way. Be discreete, you will not regret it, you can always mention something to her later.

I have told 2 friends, I am retired so it will not be spread around,

My husband and daughter encourage me any body else will know that I am on a diet when they ask what I did to lose so much. My sisters-in law will never find out, they are judgemental and narrow minded!

My moto is, when in doubt, don't tell !

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

I told my four closest friends and my boss, and eventually, some closer co-workers. Everybody was supportive, though one of the friends tried to start the "but diet and exercise mer...m'mer...diet and exercise mer" dance. It passed and it was no big deal. I also told my (now ex-) therapist who tried to convince me that surgeons are evil swindlers and that just working harder (read...going more often and paying her ridiculous rate) in therapy was the way to go. She even tried to tell me not to diet or exercise...and that Bikram Yoga (which her daughter teaches) would bring me from morbid obesity to a healthy weight with no other effort.

As for what to say around the office, I just said I was having some surgery done and it involved my stomach. In retrospect, I don't think it would've been a huge issue if I said the real reason was weight loss. I found that people deal with me even more cordially now that I've had the surgery and taken the big step than before I announced my plans. Sure enough, people Google and do their research, and eventually most people figured out what I had gone through. If there are mean, abrasive people around the office, perhaps it's best you don't reveal it to them, especially if they are actively seeking to harm your status at work, but for someone with good intentions, I don't even mind the person gossiping. In short, when you announce, I would say good relationships get even better, and bad ones may get worse, although luckily there are laws protecting you against the worst types of the latter.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

My thought is that you should keep going to lunch with her, but just don't say anything unless maybe she asks you outright. I wouldn't want you to lie to her, but you don't owe her an apology or an explanation on why you don't eat your whole lunch. It's not her business. I've decided that beyond my husband, our kids, my best friend in the whole world and a couple of friends who have had rny surgery themselves, I don't plan on telling anyone. I thought about it both ways and I really don't see any good out of giving the gossip hounds any chance to have a reason to smirk and laugh and just be nasty. They can guess all they want, but they don't need to know.

[TEXASLADY52 264]

I wouldn't tell anyone if I had it to do over. One girl at my office found out and she told "EVERYONE".....even the mailman!!! I am older, no thyroid, and bad knees...I have lost real slow. I have failed at every other diet that I have been on. It may be just me....but I feel people are very judgemental and I feel they look at me and wonder why I haven't lost more and "if" I will lose it.

[scarletwitch19 302]

Did she know about your band? Was she supportive? I previously would have told you if it's a good friend let her know. But I had a bad experience last week. I had a friend at work (who is overweight and struggling with dieting) ask what my diet and exercise plan is like. I decided to tell her about surgery. She lectured me on what a bad idea it was, how dangerous it is and how I should have really thought it through. It was awful. I can totally admit, I was a little judgemental on people who would just tell people they were eating high protein/low carb and exercising. I felt like it was being a little sneaky not giving all the info. I was WRONG. So wrong. I won't be sharing with anyone else. Because I was so upset last week. I just think it's important to protect yourself. Unless you are prepared for her to criticize and prepared for others at work to find out, I would be careful telling anyone.

[losing_the_band 133]

Did she know about your band? Was she supportive? I previously would have told you if it's a good friend let her know. But I had a bad experience last week. I had a friend at work (who is overweight and struggling with dieting) ask what my diet and exercise plan is like. I decided to tell her about surgery. She lectured me on what a bad idea it was, how dangerous it is and how I should have really thought it through. It was awful. I can totally admit, I was a little judgemental on people who would just tell people they were eating high protein/low carb and exercising. I felt like it was being a little sneaky not giving all the info. I was WRONG. So wrong. I won't be sharing with anyone else. Because I was so upset last week. I just think it's important to protect yourself. Unless you are prepared for her to criticize and prepared for others at work to find out, I would be careful telling anyone.

That's exactly what I'm worried she'd do. She's obese herself, but she on a huge "natural and whole grain" thing, and struggling to lose weight (no thyroid, and I think she doesn't realize how many carbs and how little Protein she eats). She also tends to be self-righteous at times. I think I'm going to avoid telling her anything. The more I think about it, it seems like the right thing to do for me.

[catwoman7 11,212]

I waited until I was out of the pureed stage and into the "soft food" stage before I started going out with people. Then I could at least find a couple of things on pretty much any menu that "worked" (e.g., an appetizer, shrimp cocktail, Soup...).

For people we rarely go out with, I planned to just say I wasn't very hungry or my stomach was bothering me or I was on a new eating program (that is, if they even noticed...), but I originally *did* plan to tell the people whom we go out with a lot. However, I haven't yet told any of them - but then, I've only been on soft food for 3 or 4 weeks. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them.