Who, and when, to tell about surgery?

[SuperSecretIdentity 3]

I'm in the early stages of my surgery journey. I have:

- Met with my PCP and been referred to a surgeon

- Attended my surgeon's seminar

- Filled out the referral paperwork for insurance coverage and returned it to my surgeon's office

- Scheduled my two required nutritionist appointments, health history appointment and psychological evaluation (all in September - October)

After my appointments are complete, I'll be meeting with the surgeon again, submitting final paperwork to insurance, awaiting approval and then setting my surgery date (I'm hoping for early January 2016, when I'm on semester break from Grad School)

Now I'm wondering, who exactly should I fill in about this process, and when?

So far, only my boyfriend knows. I figure I should tell his parents, as we currently live in the apartment over their garage and I may need extra help from them post-surgery, and because BF's father has also had a weight-loss surgery (Gastric Bypass) and he would be a tremendous personal resource. I also need to tell my co-workers, since I'll likely need two to three weeks off from work for surgery and recovery.

I'd prefer to keep the list short, strictly a "need to know" basis only. Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed of what I'm doing, but because I'm a private person and it's a medical procedure- it's not like I announce every time I have a pap smear, right?

So other than those folks I've mentioned, who else really needs to know, and when do I tell them? Wait until after insurance approval? After the surgery date is set? Will that be enough time for any preparation that needs to be done?

Thanks everyone!

[mdslc 44]

As a very private person I only told my wife, kids, supervisor, and two co-workers. That's it. My wife and kids knew months before surgery. I told work people after insurance had approved the surgery and I just needed a few more classes and then get my date of surgery. It's a pretty personal thing and I only told who I felt I could really trust not to say anything for the same reasons you mentioned above, not ashamed, just private. My recommendation would be to talk to people when you are comfortable, you have plenty of time before your surgery, so when the time is right and you feel like saying it, go for it. What surprised me, is when I told everyone including work folks they were amazingly supportive and non-judgmental. Good luck to you.

Forgot to mention, I received short term disability benefits from work, I needed to tell them 30 days prior to surgery, which may or may not be normal, this is just how they do it.

Edited August 12, 2015 by mdslc

[Sunshine3073 22]

I thought it would be fun to tell nobody other than my family and my boss (needs to know) and just see what people would say about my weight loss. I thought I wanted to see the looks on their faces when I revealed that I had WLS. Then I decided that I would tell people when they ask what kind of surgery I'm having when they find out I'm going to be off work for 3-4 weeks after the surgery. What I've found is that very few people are actually supportive. If I had to give it a percentage, I would assign the supportive people to about 2% out of those I've told. The others just sort of grimace and ask WHY or why don't you just lose it on your own? They simply aren't educated about WLS and any information they have is from long ago when more people used to die from complications.

Because of the awful reaction from people (who are all slim I might add) I have decided not to tell people any longer. They just aren't supportive.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I too was on a need to know basis. My commitment to weight loss surgery was pretty weak. I was so afraid of the unknown. I only told my best friend and my parents. I was incredibly surprised when all 3 were so supportive.

[ssflbelle 829]

I told only 2 people as I do not wish to have all the negative nannies and Debbie downs tell me why I shouldn't do it. My roommate as he will be driving me to and from the hospital. Second person is the one who told me he had weightloss surgery. I met him online when he was over 500 pounds 2 years ago. Even though we were in the same county we never meet. He contacted me again in June and told me he had the surgery and has lost 150 and has about 50 to 75 more to lose. This time we did meet. When I asked he told me the Doctors name. I spoke with my PCP and he referred me to this Dr who is on my plan. Since June it has been discovered I have a porcelain gallbladder which the surgeon said he would remove at the time of my WLS. So I will need to tell my boss as I will need the time off from work. If she asks me about the surgery she will be informed I have to have gallbladder surgery. That is not a lie as I do. No need to volunteer any additional information.

[shellyd88 463]

Your not legally required to tell coworkers or bosses what kind of procedure you are having just that your having a surgery requiring x amount of recovery time off time light duty whatever bariatric surgeons also do other procedures so it's not a given that anyone should assume that's what your having even if they do your not required to admit or deny anything if u need to file temporary disability then fill them out etc dr isn't allowed to disclose to employer your medical info just has to say u need time off etc your legally entitled to medical privacy dr can simply state abdominal surgery and not give specifics if u don't want to tell u don't have to once u tell u can't take it back if anyone is bold enough to ask outright or try to guess and by bold I mean rude simply state I only discuss medical issues with my dr I'm fine and all is well but thank you for your concern and promptly change the topic

[Monnie815 64]

Other than close family...my response will be I utilized many tools ...lots of Protein, Water, eating healthy and a few other things...lol

[Thinside 155]

I am telling one person and one person only: my spouse. My family will be judgmental, and I feel that at work, my personal business is my personal business. I may tell a friend or two in the future; we'll see. But for now, I'm keeping it to myself. I lost 20 pounds before the surgery, and I haven't been to work for a while because before the surgery I took a long, extended vacation. People knew I was exercising for my trip, and they know I was planning to walk and hike a lot there, so I hope they'll assume that's why I've lost weight. I'm going to say I'm keeping up the exercising, eating less, eating healthier, and focusing on Protein, which is all true. I'll have to see how obvious it is when I don't eat much at events, especially extended family ones. At work, no one will really notice what I eat.

[linzlou2000 193]

I've told everyone about my upcoming surgery. I've only received support. I figured people are going to talk either way. I wanted them to be informed when they talk. Lol. I'm very positive and up beat about my surgery (have some personal worries and fears). If anything some friends comment they wish they could has it done. The only "negative" was concern if it was a lapband, because they knew people who had problems with it. Everyone is different, but I wanted to be 110% truthful, maybe my journey will help another person I know start their journey. I know 5 people who have had WLS. I think it is becoming somewhat normal and less taboo.

Good luck to everyone on their journey.

[Daisee68 2,493]

@@linzlou2000 well said and completely agree.

[JupiterinVirgo 846]

I know a lot of people feel concerned about letting others know about the surgery, and depending on who is around you, I think that can be wise. In my case, when I was deciding to use this particular catalyst to safe my life, one of the FIRST things I did was go to all the people closest to me, and talk with them about it. I asked them for their unrelenting support as I make these huge changes. I know that I need that. Every single person was delighted for me, and promised to lovingly support me all the way. And so far, they have all kept their words. I feel very lucky, and super grateful, but while I don't consider this a secret, I don't tell everyone I meet about it. Only people who I can trust to be loving and tender with my heart and soul.

[BarrySue 602]

If you tell one person, you risk everyone knowing. I would tell NO ONE at work. They aren't entitled to know why you need time off, and if you inform one co-worker, everyone will be privy to the information. Also, because nothing is guaranteed and the situation can change on a time, I would avoid telling anyone until the surgery date is set in stone.

[sgibbs 16]

This is my second WLS, had band in 2008. Had some complications in 2014 and it had to come out. Of course, in a years time I gain almost all weight back. One of mygirlfriends husband told me "now you look like the girl we know, I recognize you... t's good to have some girth... a little girth never hurt nobody". I was kind of shocked. I'm sure he was well-meaning but I didn't appreciate it that way. So needless to say... I'm not sharing my new decision to get the sleeve with his wife so she won't share it with him.

WLS is a personal decision that I have to make for my health and emotional well-being.. .not because "girth is good". So I have been very selective about who I share this information with. A few close friends that know and respect that I want to keep it on the downlow and that's it. The rest will find out when they see the results. After it's over, if someone ask I'll be happy to share with them my decision to use the WLS tool. After it's done.. there is no point in trying to discourage me.

Best to all on your personal journey! I'm going in 8/26

[bls01 8]

I did share with my boss and friends I knew I could trust. I am far beyond the point in my life where I care what other people think or say. If people ask after surgery I will decide at that time what to say. So far, all have been very supportive.

[Mrswrath 19]

I had my surgery aug 3- my husband and 2 daughters knew and 1 friend who is also having surgery. I td my father ( boss) I needed 2 weeks off for some elective surgery.

I ended up needing hernia too- so the few people that became aware I was not " around" now think it is because of that.

Heck that was how one of my sisters found out I was in the hosp ., she called the family business and was told I was out with hernia surgery lol

I chose to not tell people, it is so personnel and I did not want to be a topic of conversation with others!