What did you tell your spouse/partner to get them onboard?

[Mega_100 146]

I have been researching the sleeve for about 4 years now and everything keeps holding me up--no insurance coverage, got pregnant, no job, got a job, but then no insurance coverage again...

Well, I've been researching (and researching, and researching, and researching) and am finally comfortable with the plan to pay the surgery cost off, BUT I can't get my husband onboard. He says, "we'll just wait, and in 5 years when the car is paid off, then maybe..." O.o

I respect that he pays a lot of our bills and may not be comfortable adding another (large) debt, but if I have a solid plan, then I need him to back me on this. Has anyone experienced a lack of urgency from their partner? How did you get them onboard with surgery? Feeling like its never going to happen...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Chances are, he sees this / thinks of this as a cosmetic issue for you, not a medical issue.

Or maybe you see it that way, too.

So frame it differently -- take him to a lecture. Help him understand that in five years you'll be 50 pounds heavier. You'll have X, Y and Z comorbidities. Those will cost $XX,XXX more to remediate.

I get the feeling you two aren't married. If that's the case, why can't YOU pay for it? If you don't have the bucks, could you get a loan?

[JamieLogical 8,727]

My husband wasn't very "on board" with my surgery either. He was convinced I was "strong enough" to lose weight on my own, especially because he'd seen me do it so many times over the years. The problem is, he legitimately bought into all my excuses about why I had gained it back every time. I, however, knew they were just excuses and that I would simply come up with more next time around.

I was also self-pay, but I went to Mexico, so it was fairly inexpensive. My retirement plan has a deal where you can borrow up to 50% of the value without paying any penalties or fees and you are essentially just paying yourself back most of the interest, so that was an easy way for us to finance it at what comes out to less than 2% interest.

I went ahead with the surgery, despite my husband's reservations and he has been great post-op. He has put up with all of my whining and frustration and pain. He took good care of me in those early days. And he has adapted to the way I have to eat now. All-in-all, even though he wasn't on-board at the beginning, he's been really great about it.

[Mega_100 146]

So frame it differently -- take him to a lecture. Help him understand that in five years you'll be 50 pounds heavier. You'll have X, Y and Z comorbidities. Those will cost $XX,XXX more to remediate.

This is a very good point, VSGAnn2014. I think he doesn't see the urgency in it all. That I am getting bigger every year and I'm missing out on years that I could be healthy.

[Mega_100 146]

My husband wasn't very "on board" with my surgery either. He was convinced I was "strong enough" to lose weight on my own, especially because he'd seen me do it so many times over the years. The problem is, he legitimately bought into all my excuses about why I had gained it back every time. I, however, knew they were just excuses and that I would simply come up with more next time around.

I was also self-pay, but I went to Mexico, so it was fairly inexpensive. My retirement plan has a deal where you can borrow up to 50% of the value without paying any penalties or fees and you are essentially just paying yourself back most of the interest, so that was an easy way for us to finance it at what comes out to less than 2% interest.

I went ahead with the surgery, despite my husband's reservations and he has been great post-op. He has put up with all of my whining and frustration and pain. He took good care of me in those early days. And he has adapted to the way I have to eat now. All-in-all, even though he wasn't on-board at the beginning, he's been really great about it.

Thank you, JamieLogical. This is very encouraging. I feel very similar--my husband has never struggled with weight problems and eats whatever he wants. I think he thinks I should just stop eating poorly. I feel like he would be very supportive after surgery, I just need him to help me make it happen. By that I mean, don't brush it off like, "yeah, wouldn't that be nice."

Unfortunately my retirement plan doesn't have enough in it yet to help with this, but I'm doing a lot of research and there has been a lot of helpful information on these forums!

[JamieLogical 8,727]

I wish you the best of luck convincing him that NOW is the time. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to wait 5 more years. In fact, that's the reason I was self-pay. My insurance required me to have a documented BMI over 40 for 5 years or more. The problem is, I'd lost 90 pounds "on my own" back in 2010/2011 and it took a couple years for me to gain it all back, so my BMI had been well below 40 up until about a year ago. I didn't want to have to stay fat for 4-5 more years just to qualify for my insurance to cover it, so I decided to pay for it myself and I'm SOOOOO glad I did. Because now I'm less than 5 pounds from goal instead of fat and getting fatter!

[Mega_100 146]

I wish you the best of luck convincing him that NOW is the time. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to wait 5 more years. In fact, that's the reason I was self-pay. My insurance required me to have a documented BMI over 40 for 5 years or more. The problem is, I'd lost 90 pounds "on my own" back in 2010/2011 and it took a couple years for me to gain it all back, so my BMI had been well below 40 up until about a year ago. I didn't want to have to stay fat for 4-5 more years just to qualify for my insurance to cover it, so I decided to pay for it myself and I'm SOOOOO glad I did. Because now I'm less than 5 pounds from goal instead of fat and getting fatter!

Thank you @@JamieLogical! Good luck to you on those last few pounds and congrats! Hopefully I'll be there too--sooner rather than later!

[Mega_100 146]

Spoke to my husband last night and he seems to be on board now! Thank you for your advice, it really helped. Now I work on financing and making time for appointments! Yay!

[JamieLogical 8,727]

Spoke to my husband last night and he seems to be on board now! Thank you for your advice, it really helped. Now I work on financing and making time for appointments! Yay!

That is fantastic news! So glad he heard you out and hope he understands that this is about your health, not just about your vanity. I really hope he comes to appreciated the 5+ more years with a HEALTHY you. Staying obese for an extra few years could have really taken a heavy tole on your health that could/would cost you MUCH more money and misery in the long run.

[Mega_100 146]

Agreed! Thank you @@JamieLogical!