Feelings of guilt and failure

[missy5099 16]

Hi all,

I just recently decided to have WLS. Just went to my consultation. Does or did anyone feel guilty or feel like a failure before going through the surgery? I sometimes say to myself, "why can't I just lose weight the normal way"? I have been dieting all my life and know that if it was that easy to just stop eating junk food and exercise, I would have done that and kept the weight off. I just don't want people to think I took the easy way out. And I know I shouldn't seek people's approval but I don't want to start feeling that way either. I know WLS isn't going to be easy and I'm still going to have to learn how to eat right and exercise but I think this is the best tool to help me get on the right track. Does anyone understand how I am feeling or am I just a lost cause?

[dlmacarthur 10]

Before I committed to surgery, I spent 9 months researching, meeting with doctors, counsellors, etc. to make sure I was making the right decision for me (granted some of this was insurance requirement, but still...). Throughout the entire time I struggled with guilt including the feelings you're having now. In context, I am someone who struggles with guilt over everything (raised a catholic...that may explain a lot ????).

Anyway, I think what you're feeling is incredibly normal for many people. I am nearing 2 weeks post op and I still am struggling once in awhile with those feelings. Even today I had a bit of a break down with some feelings of regret, but I know in the big scheme of things this was the right decision for me. You are the only one who knows you and what is best for you. I would personally recommend speaking to a counselor during your process who may be able to put some of your feelings into perspective for you.

[SPettijo 40]

You're not a lost cause. The fact that your here that you've made a decision proves you aren't a lost cause. It's fine to have doubts. Will you need to change your eating habits? Yes. Will you need to get your body moving? Yes. IS WLS a cure? Nope. It's a tool. A tool to help you change your body to a healthier body so you can live longer. You're not a failure for considering something to help you achieve your goals. Even if you don't go through with WLS you're still not a lost cause. You just have to make the decision that's right for you and we'll be here for you no matter your choice.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

You are not alone feeling this way. But let me tell you. Six months to a year from now post op, you will be amazed at your transformation. Health and attitude will have changed 180 degrees. You will be able to and want to walk and move your body. I joined a frickin gym! Me! On purpose!

Please let go of the guilt. WLS saved my LIFE. I work my ass off now trying to lose my last fifty pounds. The LapBand made the first hundred down comparatively easy.

WLS operates on the stomach, not the brain. There is so much more work to do besides putting the fork down.

But until my WLS helped me put that fork down, nothing happened. I was trapped in a living death. My surgery was simply the first step in a chain of events that is changing my life.

[Stevehud 1,790]

Failure in the past is no indication you cant succeed in the future. Keep your head up. you can do this should you decide it is for you. I suggest counseling, it really made a difference in me, and i would never have considered doing it had it not been required.

[missy5099 16]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and tips! I feel so much better just hearing from people that understand what I am going through!

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Get it done!Keep us posted!:-)

[Mountaingal 322]

Just look at the statistics for keeping off weight the "old fashioned way". We have all struggled and worked so hard only to gain it and maybe more back. You are not a failure. You are a person with what is now recognized as a metabolic problem. Only people who don't have a clue think this is any easy way out. If you plan on talking to people about your choice use it as a n opportunity to educate them (if they stop talking long enough to listen) about the real facts surrounding wls. I have told very few people so I don't have to deal with people who will drain my energy and not support me. If you had told me even a few years ago that I would have WLS I would have thought you were crazy. Over time it became clear it was my only chance at a healthier and more comfortable life. I was plain tired of carrying all that weight around. I wanted that energy for living! Good luck. It won't be long till you are celebrating and enjoying your choice.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I totally felt like a failure at permanently losing weight.

After years and years of hearing the success stories and being told that, if I just had enough will power, I too could lose the weight.

But at a certain point, June 2012, I realized that without WLS my life was just going to continue to spiral down ward... socially, emotionally, and career wise.

I had to decide if the pain of change was less than the pain of staying the same.

December 2012 I was sleeved and it was the do-over I needed to get my life back.

But I realized going in, that this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. So I better make the most of it.

The one biggest mental mistakes I see posted in thread after thread is: Can I still eat ____ after surgery?

Sorry for going off on a bit of rant. :-P But I believe a person really needs to be at a point in life where they are ready to do anything required to succeed a WLS before going under the knife.

If a person is not ready to give up any and every food flavor that they love, then they are not ready for surgery. They ARE going to be able to eat almost anything they want within a year post-op. BUT they have to be at the point where they don't want to continue eating the foods that got them to this weight.

Are you prepared to let go of the hold food has on your life?

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@missy5099

Hi there! As most people have already responded it is normal to have feelings about guilt and failure. It is usually a vicious circle because those are the same feelings that have most of us digging around in the refrigerator looking to drown those feelings.

The reality is, there will be nothing easy about WLS and I know you already suspect that. You will fight every single day for every single pound you lose. Sure that first month or two the weight comes off pretty fast and if you are prepared you will adjust quickly to all of the changes required, if you are not prepared in your head, you will stumble along the way. And by the way, that weight loss does slow down and you have to fight harder to get to your goal.

WLS is extraordinarily rewarding, don't feel guilty because you are definately not taking the easy way out. You have a metabolic disorder that works against you without the tool of WLS to help you.

I wish you all the best. Keep us updated on your progress.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Missy5099, 1st off congratulations for putting yourself and your health first ! 2nd , there is no need to feel "guilty" for taking an extra step to get a healthy lifestyle. As I've said in the past, I've had Lasik eye surgery when glasses or contacts didn't work anymore, sinus surgery to fix a broken nose , and dental surgery for impacted wisdom teeth. Nobody in their right mind would expect me to "fix" those problems myself. Same with WLS, you are simply doing something to get your body healthy that your body cant do

by itself. If anyone says you " took the easy way out "( and a lot of people hear that comment ) ask that person if they have ever visited a Dr. or Denist for any reason . Why didn't they "fix" the problem themselves ? Because the human body is not perfect, and sometimes you need medical help to get healthy again . That is all. ( As you can probably tell, I have ZERO guilt , Im too busy living my happy life with a strong, healthy body ! ) Good luck !!!

[Dub 9,922]

Felling some of guilt and failure?

Yep. I feel that way at times.....especially when I know that I haven't done everything I could to lose weight. When I cave in to temptations and not stay on track with my plan it pisses me off at myself.

Lately, though, this anger has been good fuel to motivate me to stay on track. It has empowered me to leave no stone unturned and to adopt the tool of WLS along with a Disciplined way of eating and consistent exercise program. I would feel miserable if all I did was just sit around and wait for the surgery to come. Working hard now, ahead of time, makes me feel much better about all aspects of myself.

I can't afford for this next step not to be successful. I need to improve my health right away.

[esskay77 785]

Your thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal!!! And, like some had said, you will still feel some guilt and regret in the first few weeks after surgery. Just ride that wave! Very soon after that, when you are noticably losing weight and find yourself with your legs CROSSED! lol you will wonder why you hadn't done this sooner! Trust me on this! Best of luck

[Patk 18]

I felt like a real failure after I gained back all lost weight (120#) after a stomach stapling in 1982. I refused to even think about any type of revision because I felt had my chance and failed to keep it off. But several loving friends were brave enough to tell me that they were concerned about my health because of my morbid obesity and wondered if I considered a revision. After I dealt with my very hurt feelings, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and now I'm researching a revision. I don't care what people think because the ones I care about will be my biggest cheerleaders. Please take that awful word failure out of your vocabulary.

[missy5099 16]

Thank you all!! I can't believe how amazing everybody is!