Presurgery and I can't decide to keep WLS public or private

[choosehope 233]

citygirlinburbs- I love what you said about WLS being the only surgery we feel we're being deceptive if we don't tell folks. I'm not sure it's the only one, but certainly darn close. I had a hysterectomy and didn't tell a lot of people anything other than I'm having surgery and when they asked said it's personal. Thank you for

sharing that! I've been really struggling with feign deceptive particularly because all I told my dad was that I'm having surgery and that it was personal when he asked. I've had major issues with my sense of integrity, but you are right, there are many surgeries that we don't necessarily volunteer the type! Thanks for helping me gain perspective!

[VDB 800]

This is a very commonly asked question and one I feel is a very personal decision. Pre-surgery I told everyone that was close to me so that it wouldn't put me in an awkward situation when going out to eat etc. Once the weight loss was continually noticeable a lot of people ask what did you do and at that point I tell everyone I had WLS. I know some feel that its no ones business and it's really not but for me I'm proud of the decision I made and the results it gave me and maybe by me telling my story to someone else who may be struggling it can help them, then it's even more worth it!

I agree with enjoythetime... now at 80#+ down, people in my community are definitely noticing and asking, I also reply "I had WLS, a gastric by-pass" and most know what that is and are supportive. Actually, I am proud that I have the gumption to go through a year of prep, fight the insurance monster, and go through the surgery to this 3 mos post time.... I also know that some people who have never experienced being really fat don't have any real perspective on this change, so I don't blame them for thinking "You should have just lost weight!" I swim 3x a week, have for years, and some of the other obese people have been asking me what happened, and more than one are now considering WLS.

[EWom75 2]

Hi,

I haven't even seen the surgeon yet and i have told everyone. That might be because all of my friends and family are thin so i am like the token fat bird. I have had a few tell me the obligatory "you're not that fat" (i weighed in last night at 279lbs) and a few people have said "what if you die" and i point out that i am slowly killing myself anyway.

I am ready for this, it won't solve the emotional issues attached to my eating but hopefully it will stop me swallowing food without tasting it and cramming take away in to my face.

I am not ashamed to need this help, its a massive big deal for me but hopefully it is one that will change me and my life forever!!

Good luck hun xx

[judyoz 240]

I did not read all the responses so bear with me. If I were you, I would not tell anyone. You can always decide later to tell people. Those you do tell, make sure they will abide by your wishes. Just my two cents worth.

[Ms. Nunya 126]

I'm still trying to decide if I want to go through with it. If I do, it will be private.

[Madtownsunshine17 42]

I don't have a new view on this topic, but for me, I agree about WLS being a surgery where we're made to feel like we're being deceptive if we don't disclose. I actually worked through this with my therapist because I wanted to minimize feeling guilt and also play through how not telling would impact my life being around others. I appreciate the comments that say you can always tell later, and I think that helps relieve some pressure.

I went to the hospital by myself, had one friend visit - who also picked me up at discharge. I had told him early on and he blabbed to a ton of people at the gym. I moved and won't be going to that gym anymore, so what ever! I also told my personal trainer, and although he had his opinions, he supported me. It's weird to tip-toe around my parents (they are moving to FL and are gone for a couple of weeks). My dad is very insensitive and rude about weight. I also don't want to put the power into others hands to let them tell people.

In my newbie opinion, if you have the support you need (a few people knowing, therapist, support groups, etc) to be successful THAT is what is important. If your support crumbles and you have trouble, at that point I personally would consider reaching out to immediate family.

[LaLaLucy 22]

I decided only my husband should know. I am doing my pre-op diet this week and a man I work with came up to me today and said that I should speak with another co-worker that had a gastric bypass since he assumed that was why I was having surgery. I was really appalled. I told him I wasn't having a bypass and that its really private to me so much so that I am not telling my kids let alone a coworker. I would never have the nerve to say anything like that to anyone. I was mortified, hurt and angry in that order. I can't wait until Friday!

[Cdominguez 26]

Just getting out the hospital after all the negative comments I just received I'd say keep it to yourself

[joatsaint 2,814]

Weight loss surgery: To Tell or Not to Tell?

I find it interesting that we are so conditioned by the weight loss industry that we feel NOT disclosing weight loss surgery is being deceptive. Like we are hiding a fault within us. That there’s something wrong with us and YOU need to know about it so you can decide whether you want to know me or not.

We don’t feel the same way about other non-communicable diseases. On your first date, job interview, or social gathering, did you make a point of announcing that you had Lasik eye surgery? Chemo therapy? A heart/lung transplant? So everyone could decide if you were good enough to be part of the group.

Not being up front about WLS does not rank as high as not disclosing to your date that you used to be a dude before the sex change. :-p

It’s not the same. Not telling anyone that you had weight loss surgery is not going to impact/change their life in the slightest… unless they might benefit from it. But I would not ever suggest to them that they need weight loss surgery. I would not have taken the suggestion as being helpful. :-P

You would think that with all the societal pressure to be young thin and beautiful, people wouldn’t care how you achieved it. And would even congratulate you for doing what you had to do to take control of your life. But I guess there will always be those that will make comments or criticize us because they don’t understand, think we’re taking the easy way out, fear of losing us or are afraid of seeing us succeed.

[Madtownsunshine17 42]

@@Cdominguez, So sorry that happened!

[Rovobay 920]

happy keeping it in the closet... only my wife knows. and I am almost a year out! nothing to explain to anyone....(I don't like attention....)

[shushoo 1]

My mother, my grandmother+her husband, and my brother know. Those are the only people who I've told and that's it until I feel ready.

The reason why is that years ago I was ready to do the procedure. I did all my prerequisite testing (which was grueling for this particular doctor, guess he really wanted to make sure you were committed..), I had all the money in cash, save for $1000~ saved up, I was ready to schedule my date of surgery and everything. I made the mistake of not stopping my mom when she told a group of family members at a gathering about the decision. They berated me for it, told me I would die, scared the living crap out of me with horror stories (which I don't even know if they were real because they were anecdotes of anecdotes.. lol), and just talked me out of my decision.

It's been about 4 years since that and I've gotten worse, despite my efforts in the gym and my diet changes. I now know that I should have just pulled the trigger years ago when I was ready. Now instead of mourning the time I lost by mounting that pressure on myself with having that conversation with people, I'm just going to do it. Screw it.

You tell the people that you trust to accept your decision and help you through the drawbacks if you happen to cross that bridge later in life. I don't need the stress of others' opinions clouding my mind and hindering my progress. I'll tell them everything they want to know when I hit my goal.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

I only told four people plus my boss. I didn't choose them based on what their likely reactions would be (one of them even questioned me). Rather, I chose them because I knew they would not ask me 100s of questions a day about it or offer to take over my life for me or start enlisting a giant group of unwanted support from tons of people. They were people who I could contact if I just needed to talk about it and who would be there right before and right after with the best words. I gather you aren't a fan of attention, so just don't tell people who like making spectacles of things, no matter how benign the intent.