Presurgery and I can't decide to keep WLS public or private

[soccermama 7]

This is my first forum post. My surgery has not been scheduled yet and I meet with my surgeon in 3 weeks.

I am wrestling with how "out there" to be with my upcoming surgery. I am not ashamed of it, but in general I am a private person who does not like to discuss personal matters with people outside of my immediate circle of friends and family. Also, I am a physician and it will feel strange talking about WLS with all my patients when my weight loss becomes obvious.

How did you all decide how much to tell people about your bariatric surgery? Any regrets about what you told people or how they reacted to your surgery and weight loss?

Thank you!

[kmt1973 92]

I told when asked about my weightloss. Other than that, I seen no reason for it to be brought up. It's not like I went around telling people about my gallbladder removal.

[Rizzle01 54]

I agree with the post^. I have no desire to lie about my wls but I also have asked my friends and family not to advertise it either. It seems much easier to not have to try to hide it though.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

This is a very commonly asked question and one I feel is a very personal decision. Pre-surgery I told everyone that was close to me so that it wouldn't put me in an awkward situation when going out to eat etc. Once the weight loss was continually noticeable a lot of people ask what did you do and at that point I tell everyone I had WLS. I know some feel that its no ones business and it's really not but for me I'm proud of the decision I made and the results it gave me and maybe by me telling my story to someone else who may be struggling it can help them, then it's even more worth it!

[Jangy03253 56]

Personally I wish I would have kept it between my husband, my family and myself. I have got nothing but bad mouthed by his side of the family. It is hard enough going through this without my family being here for support.. I thought I could lean on his.. Boy was I wrong. So, that taught me to keep things to myself for now.

This is my first forum post. My surgery has not been scheduled yet and I meet with my surgeon in 3 weeks.

I am wrestling with how "out there" to be with my upcoming surgery. I am not ashamed of it, but in general I am a private person who does not like to discuss personal matters with people outside of my immediate circle of friends and family. Also, I am a physician and it will feel strange talking about WLS with all my patients when my weight loss becomes obvious.

How did you all decide how much to tell people about your bariatric surgery? Any regrets about what you told people or how they reacted to your surgery and weight loss?

Thank you!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I didn't tell anyone (other than hubby and two faraway friends) -- because I knew my business associates, friends and extended family regarded WLS as weird, and I didn't have the energy or patience to tolerate their ignorance and judgment. And knowing all those people very well, their judgment was not a possibility, but a certainty.

However ... you're in a little different situation. Assuming that your medical practice is a general one and that you see the same patients fairly often, the majority of your patients (70% of American adults are overweight or obese) are going to ask you, "How did you lose all that weight?"

And by the time they notice, you're going to feel like everyone else here -- that WLS is the best thing since sliced bread. And you're going to feel conflicted about whether to share your very good news with them about what could also really help them (assuming they wouldn't be high-risk WLS patients for physical or other reasons).

However, if you're a specialist who seldom sees the same patients more than 2-3 times, that's a different situation.

So, gee, I dunno what you're going to do. Maybe you just need to do the old T-chart (pros and cons) analysis.

Good luck to you. You have every right to choose which way you want to do this. BTW, you also don't have to decide right now what to do -- you can not tell early on and then tell others selectively later on.

However, if you tell your staff early on, they'll blab everything to your patients. That's one thing I've learned -- doctors' office staff members have astonishingly little discretion about their doctors' lives. It's really a little freaky.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Welcome to the forums! For those who only choose to tell a select few, of which I am one, it doesn't always equate to shame or embarrassment. It definitely didn't in my case.

For me it was just the surety that I could never "untell" someone after I told them. And from there I no longer had control of who they might tell. I'm a very private person. My personal business is mine alone. I didn't make announcements or ask for outside opinions with other medical decisions I've made, so this was no different.

I told my immediate family and four close friends, that's it, and I've had no regrets. Good luck!

[kimby1029 119]

If I may make a few comments here -

1) Congratulations to you for deciding to undergo WLS to become healthier!

2) It may seem strange, but if you do have any patients who ask you, and you are able to share your experience with them matter of factly and calmly, you may be able to alleviate some fears that your patients may have regarding WLS versus other methods of weight loss.

3) I don't think everyone has to know your personal business, but should someone (patient or co-worker) ask, and they are coming from a sincere place, you could be a great advocate/confidante for them as they go on their own journeys toward better health and wellness.

4) People around me know and have been very supportive. I have a medical background (nursing) but no longer work in the field due to having SLE and not being able to be around folks with communicable diseases safely. So now I'm an auditor - strange, but it works.

5) The nurse practitioner who is in charge of managing the bariatric clinic where I attend my support groups is himself a patient and is 7 years post surgery. It is helpful to be able to ask questions, especially regarding medical issues.

I am not in anyway stating that you should go about spouting your personal business, but in my experience you may have the unique position of becoming a greater ally to the patients you serve.

Just my .02

Kim

[James Marusek 5,244]

This is really a personal decision which only you can make. Some people tell almost no one others tell everyone. I am the latter. What I found was that in general most people support the decision while others are curious about the procedure. The only negative comments came from my mother. I think the reason why hers were negative is that she is old and relies on me for help and anything that might threaten this help was perceived as a threat. So I can understand this and as a result do not take offense to her comments.

I have attended a number of Bariatric Surgery Support Group Meetings. One of the interesting things of note is that many who attend these meeting are nurses. So individuals from the medical community who choose this WLS are practicing what they preach. It's a good sign.

[AlphaB 28]

In my case only my parents know about it. My surgery is tomorrow and I see no need for anyone else to know. Not even my closest friends nor the rest of my family. I have 5 male housemates and some of them picked up on my pre op diet, "are you eating broth? " And what I said is that I was doing a Cleanse cause my friend had visited the week before and I had been eating out too much with her. After that they gave me "girls are so weird" look and kept on with their lives not really questioning my weird diet. When I start losing weight real quick, since I live with them they won't really notice until I've lost quite a few pounds, but they know I've been training at boxing. So If they bring it up I'll say I'm cutting weight for a fight coming up by the end of the year a working out really hard. They shall believe it.

Again I think I will be very harshly judged if I tell people, especially cause I'm in college, I'm young and they say things like "why just not workout and eat healthy?" And I will get frustrated because I always workout and eat healthy but lose no weight.

[Madeleine Renee 77]

Hi, I am having my gastric bipass on August 18.

It has been a 1 year long process and many years of thinking. I told 2 friends, my brother and wife and of course my husband.

That's it. I belong to an Optimist Club of 25 women! When they ask me what my secret is for losing all that weight, I will say diet and lots of hard work. And it is true!

If you are a family physician though and you have obese patients whose health is compromise and they ask you, I don't know what I would do, but it would be tempting to tell and suggest they get themselves informed.

Good luck

[gpmed 623]

Welcome! It looks like you're getting good advice on this thread. It really is a personal choice. I'm more of a private person than an open book, so I'm keeping things quieter. I talked to my dad, boyfriend and best friend about it from the beginning. I chose them cause I know I could count on them to be positive and supportive and not say anything dumb. I was unsure of how the rest of my immediate family would react, but thought they should know I'm having major surgery. I asked my dad to tell them and if they reacted negatively to make sure they knew my mind was made up and I wouldn't tolerate any judgmental or inappropriate remarks. My sister still made some inappropriate remarks, but I shut that down pretty quickly.

Work has been a delicate balance for me. I trust my two managers not to gossip about me or say anything inappropriate. I told them because I figured it would be helpful for them to understand why I would be going to more doctors appointments than usual and to let them know way in advance that I'd be out for the surgery. With others at work, a few people are finding out. One is a bodybuilder type who knows a lot about Protein powders and I wanted to ask him for recommendations. Another of my coworkers recently had surgery and I wanted to ask her what it's like having surgery and being in the hospital. I'm trying to put out a vibe that I don't want to talk about it a whole lot and I'm not being super open about it. I think my boss will be able to explain to my team why I'm out and let them know I'd like my privacy respected. When I come back to work, I'll be okay with people genuinely asking me how I'm doing but probs won't want to discuss things in detail. I guess I'll decide if I ever want to be more open later.

It's so true that you can't "untell." I got kind of excited when I got my insurance authorization and I told my hair stylist, who is also a friend. Her negative reaction helped me remember why discretion can be wise.

As for your patients, I'd say if they're not struggling with weight you can just say "oh, I made some healthy changes" and keep it vague. For your overweight patients, I agree that you could be an incredible advocate and source of support. Having a doctor like that can make such a huge difference in a person's life because overweight people face a lot of stigma even from healthcare providers. If the person's genuine, you could help them understand what WLS is, how it works and guide them toward deciding if it's for them.

Edited August 6, 2015 by letitbeatles9

[soccermama 7]

Thank you everybody! Wow, this is a great forum with great feedback.

I live in a small town and my extended family is large. I just know if I try to keep it on the "DL" it will get probably get around. I also don't want to lie about anything, to anyone.

A bigger issue is that in the past when I have lost weight, I love how I feel but become uncomfortable with the extra attention received. I know this is something I will have to talk about in support groups, etc.

Thank you everyone for your insights.

[NikkiDoc 312]

It is a personal decision. I am not a private person so I told everyone.

I will say that as a physician I hope that if you have a patient that asks about your weight loss you don't lie or prevaricate. If you are happy with your surgery and happy with your weight loss you are in a unique position to educate people about WLS. You do not need to lecture them or provide a dissertation. But if you are not truthful and people ever find out about the WLS you will just enforce that WLS is "the easy way out" or something to be ashamed of. You being honest with your patient make help them be supportive of a friend or relative rather than dismissive. You may help one of your patient's look into WLS or to take that final step and decide to have WLS.

[Cdominguez 26]

Well I jut found out that someone has been praying for me since last week I mean really praying for me to change my mind smh I am not telling a soul besides my dad husband and children smh