Coworker outed me

[Slim-Shady 79]

Sorry for the long post...

Yes it was rude, and it sounds like she was intentionally being that way. Some people don't respect WLS. They believe weight loss is as simple as cutting back on junk food. You may not ever change their minds, and honestly, I wouldn't even try to. It's your life, and your decision. Whether others respect or agree with it is their problem, not yours!

My sister and I did it together, and we only told our mom and my husband. This is no different than every other aspect of our lives. We are very private people, so our decision not to tell others was in line with everything else we do. Nonetheless, you can't un-tell your co-worker(s). You can however, keep things with them professional only. There is no need to hang out after hours, or even be buddies in the office. You can have a friendly conversation (in passing) from time to time if you like. However, she's shown her true colors, so there is no need to have any type of relationship with her other than professional. Some people find it difficult to not make friends a work, so I understand this approach might be a struggle. It can be done though. I don't (and have not in the past) been overly friendly with coworkers. Nor have I allowed co-workers into my private life, and that approach works great for me.

I don't know that I'd push to get her in trouble or worse; given a person's job is their livelihood. I would however, ensure her behavior is documented. You have no reason to be loyal to someone who isn't loyal to you! Not to mention, she breached confidentiality. I don't know why she was required to know your personal medical information. It's been my experience that you are required to inform your superior(s) that you will be out on leave, but not required to tell them the specific reason. Once you return, if you are on limited duty, they need only know that your duties are limited; i.e. no heavy lifting, no extensive standing or sitting, etc. If for whatever reason you had to tell her, she was not allowed to reveal it.

Good luck on your journey! Let the hates fall where they may!

[brandeett 52]

I'm sorry but I'd be pissed!!!!!! It doesn't matter WHO you told, they should have never done that to you. I'm with you 100%

[shellyd67 198]

I don't blame you for being angry. It is your story to tell not your coworkers. In the beginning stages, I only told my immediate family. I have since told a few friends. I am sorry that happened to you.

[Sanstan 25]

Sorry...not sorry, lol. Only the truth was stated. You don't need to make an announcement regarding your surgery...but when *asked*...you should tell the truth. Anything less, is a lie....and deceptive.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

@@jas84047 said : My answer has always been "smaller portions and hard work". It's not a lie... it's just as much of the truth I planned to tell most people.

Sorry...not sorry, lol. Only the truth was stated. You don't need to make an announcement regarding your surgery...but when *asked*...you should tell the truth. Anything less, is a lie....and deceptive.

Can you explain why you stated that the answer jas gives is a lie and deceptive?

[brandeett 52]

I don't think it is deceptive by any means!!!! It's nobody's business what you had done. If anyone asks me personally I'm saying high Protein and low carbs with exercise. It's not a lie.

[Liz5012 47]

It is unfortunate that people lack the ability to behave professionally in the work enviroment. You should be happy with the progress and feel sorry for someone who has no class as you are taking the high road. Don't dwell on it, pat yourself on the back, you are conquering a major obstacle in your life. FYI: It isn't a secret unless you are the only one who knows it!

[Tobeornottobe 89]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I am not ashamed of it but it's still so new that it's still a lot even for me to grasp. The coworker who knew had to know because of our job. To be honest, she could technically be fired (& actually it's against the law) because we work in healthcare where I had my surgery (thus why she knew) so it's a HIPAA violation. I knew people would find out eventually but I feel it should be my place to tell. I think though the part that got me was how she answered it as "she had surgery" inferring the "easy way" - which we all know it is far from. I will say though, I did use it as a teaching moment for the gal who got told. She is also overweight so had lots of questions. I already talked with the 'teller' and asked she zip it.... but she is now mad at me for "being a baby". Ugh. I give up...

Thanks though to all who felt my pain!

You have every right to be angry. You did not directly share this information with her, she read your file. I also work in healthcare and this is in direct violation of HIPAA law. Every patient file contains personal identifying information and is not to be shared. I personally would take a different tact and report her actions.

[Jerr_Bear 241]

Yeah not her business to spread. But in telling her, you kind of opened that up to discussion. I think you're being a little too sensitive. After you lose all your weight and people get used to the new you, this won't even be a thing. So I'd say just grin and bear and keep working. This too shall pass.

[peaceout 273]

You said you worked in a hospital/healthcare setting. So, did you just tell her about the surgery in passing, or was she involved in your care and that's how she knew? If the first, then she is just rude. If the second, it is absolutely a HIPAA violation and it should be reported/documented. She wouldn't get away with blurting out other patient's medical information, and nobody would consider another patient a "baby" for reporting such a violation.

Either way, it sounds like you're handling it well. Best of luck to you!

[mackie0601 2]

Being 3 days post op VSG, I am pretty sure surgery isn't an east way out. I only told 2 of my co-workers, and they have kept it under wraps but I have a sinking feeling I will be outed as well. So I really wish I would not have mentioned it to anyone. I find this is the biggest regret others have as well. Hindsight ....being 20/20. Just move on...you can be angry...you can confront the person...but really at this point, what is done is done. Just have a good comeback when/if it is mentioned again.

[Sanstan 25]

de·cep·tive

dəˈseptiv/

adjective

giving an appearance or impression different from the true one; misleading.

"he put the question with deceptive casualness"

synonyms: misleading, illusory, illusionary, specious; ambiguous; distorted; literaryillusive

"distances are very deceptive"

deceitful, duplicitous, fraudulent, counterfeit, underhanded, cunning, crafty, sly, guileful, scheming, treacherous, Machiavellian;

disingenuous, untrustworthy, unscrupulous, unprincipled, dishonest, insincere, false;

informalcrooked, sharp, shady, sneaky, tricky, foxy

"deceptive practices"

Not trying to beat a dead horse here...and if you don't agree...so be it...that is your prerogative. But telling ppl you are eating "smaller portions" and "high Protein, low carbs" is...MISLEADING, CUNNING, CRAFTY, SLY, SHADY. Albeit true...you are eating smaller portions...but only because you had a surgery. Therefore is the reason I used the adjective, "deceptive."

She only blurted out the truth. Telling the truth...is never wrong. Be open with your experience...you never know who you might help...along the way.

My .02 cents.

[CityGirlinBurbs 22]

WLS surgery is a medical procedure. IMHO it was not your coworkers responsibility to add her comments. Obviously, she wanted to call you out. You don't owe anyone a full disclosure on how you lost the weight. If you're sensitive about this than so am I, as I cringed when I read your post.

On the positive, your weight loss is showing enough for people to notice!

Edited August 6, 2015 by CityGirlinBurbs

[Elode 8,093]

@@jas84047 Just smack her in the face! She'll think twice next time before running that big yapper! I'm almost positive HR won't mind. You just get a employee handbook and cut out the pansy part about " work place violence" and pled ignorance!! And if they can't take your side and be understanding to your new found hardship about being around that person then tell them to take that job and shove it, you don't need that stress in your life anyway! Tell'me Elode said so!

[Elode 8,093]

No I'm kidding don't do that....Make some ex lax brownies just for her...or I heard Amazon sugar-free Gummy bears are good So don't even have to touch her, if you think she's skinny now just wait until she gets hit with the Bowles of hell!! Sorry that's the only nice suggestion I have