I have had enough loss for one year

[Penni60 45]

As most of you know Sept brought about the death of my step-father's Dad. Then Oct brought the unexpected death of my dear aunt. Well two more losses have come and I want the universe and the powers that be know and hear me. "I have had enough losses for one year."

First, did I tell you about our coi fish? John needed to learn how to drain the coi pond cause it keeps getting too full. So he calls the Coi people. THey send a tech out, mind you he speaks very broken english. He shows John how to drain the pond then John demonstrates to the guy how to return it back to normal. The tech shakes his head yes. So John drains the pond some and then puts the pond back like it was before he started draining. He thinks everything is OK. He gets up the next morning and the pond is DRY and all our fish are dead. John told me about this the day after I got home from my aunt's funeral. It happened while I was gone. He felt awful about it and harbored some of the blame. I told him it wasn't his fault at all. The coi people gave us some (2 or 3) coi and GOLD FISH to replace what we lost. Can you believe they gave us GOLD FISH to replace our COI????? Then charged John $100 for two larger coi. I was mad. But John wanted to do that. OK I gave up the anger and gave into the loss. I was devastated. Two losses like that in one week was too much. But I got past it.

Second, this morning Alicia, my daughter who lives in Clarksville, TN, calls at 5am my time. She was backing out of her driveway and felt a bump. She stops the car and notices her cat run behind the house. She goes and checks on him and he is coughing and meowing loudly. He, the cat FELIX, wants to go into the garage so she opens the door. He doesn't want her and Wayne, Alicia's hubby, to see him so he hides. ALicia goes back upstairs to call the vet, which isn't opened till 7:30am and it is 7am. SHESH!! She goes back downstairs and sits beside Felix. He lets out this horrendous cry like someone has sit on his tail. She pets his head and picks him up and he dies in her arms. She is devastated. She has had him for over 10 years. He was our family cat for the longest time then she took him for her own. He was such a great cat. He never ever hurt any of the kids even when they pulled on his ears or tail, and always knew when one of them was hurting and would go lie beside them. He was a great cat. I am devastated as well. I loved that cat. It is really hitting me hard.

Too many losses in one year for me. To get through this I am going walking. I made myself a Protein Shake and will do my morning walk as usual. If I don't do this I will revert to comfort being found in food. I will NOT let something like a death undo all the good I have accomplished. This is gonna be a hard day for me. Thanks for being here guys and gals.

[athykay 9]

So sorry Penni, that is too much. Hope your walk helps. We also had a year alot like that. First my brother inlaw in December he was 44 then my mother inlaw in March she was 68. It was a rough year. We also are very close to our animals 2 dogs, 3 cats and 4 fish in our outside pond. I would be devastated to lose any of them.

Take care, and god bless.

So sorry for your loss.

Kathy

[Iluvharleys 15]

Sorry you are having such a bad year. Any kind of death is hard to go through. I lost my Mom and Dad 10 days apart from each other and I thought my world had come to and end. This year is almost over, and hopefully you can start the new year off to a much better one.

[blossom 2]

(((Penni))), I'm so sorry! Nobody deserves a year filled with such losses, especially you. I'm hoping everything is smooth sailing for you from here on out. You're doing the right thing by trying to put your focus onto something else, like taking a walk. Keep your chin up, you will get through this.

[Zoe 6]

How horrible to lose dear animals after already going through so much. You seem like a very compassionate and strong person. I am sure you can get through this, although it can't be easy. I hope you can walk your grief away.

[Bright 9]

(((((((((((((((((((Oh Penni))))))))))))))))))))))))

that is dreadful - what a horrible time you have had - I am sending you hugs and love and hope you can come through this soon.

[leatha_g 4]

(((((((Penni))))))) I'm so sorry to hear of yet another blow to your heart. Sheesh, I'm sitting here at work with big old alligator tears. I'm really sorry for yours and your daughters sadness over these losses.

Love ya,

Leatha

[nightingale2u 42]

((((Big Hugs)))) Life just isn't fair sometimes and you have had more than your share this year. We love you and I know that everyone has you in their thoughts and prayers!

(((More Hugs)))

Darcy

[New Hope 37]

Penni, so sorry about everything dominoing on you! Sending healing (((hugs))) your way. Just don't say, "What else can happen?" I can personally guarantee that's a jinx and you'll find out!

[DeLarla 22]

I'm so bad at this. I have video of Kitty Milo being born 15 years ago. I live in denial because my pets are going to live forever. I can't even imagine that kind of pain. So sorry, Penni Money. Alicia must be a mess. Good for you that you got walking. Don't ever call it "just 30 minutes" though. That's a perfect walk for someone who's been through what you have. Now fill up that enormous jacuzzi tub with bubbles and relax.

[Penni60 45]

Hey guys, thanks so much for all you have said and the words of support and encouragment. They mean alot to me.

While I was walking and crying this morning I was trying to decide why I was so upset over Felix passing. I came to the realization that it is like losing a child. This precious feline has been in our family for over 10 years. He saw me through alot of heartache and bad times. He would jump on my lap lick my face and snuggle against my neck. That always made me laugh. He was such an even tempered cat. My 2 yr old grandson would pull his ears or tail or leg and this cat would never ever try to bite or swat at him. He would just meow and move away from him. Let my grandson scream or appear to be hurt and he would be by his side to see what is wrong or to protect him. He was such a loving cat. He will be missed.

Lisa, the Hot tub is broken. It has a leak so it is drained. Blasted $%^&*( thing.

[whippledaddy 5]

Some times every turn in the road brings new tragedy. Sometimes the sun refuses to shine, and when it does something heavy and dark steals it before it can warm our upturned face.

I would like to tell you why this is. I would like to help you understand. Why have you been singled out? Why should you be afraid to ask "What's new?" .

I have no answers. And the only thing I know is true is "And this too, shall pass". Small comfort knowing our pains shall pass.

In "The Princess Bride" Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, and anyone who says different is selling something".

Now I don't think that bleak a view is necessary, but it sometimes feels that we buy our joy with the currency of sorrow.

I lost six good friends one year. Each to a different cause. In six months time. It seemed that everyone I knew was dying. And there was nothing I could do but grieve.

Know that it will get better. Know that sorrow must come to each of us. It sucks when you get it heaped on you, and not measured out. Know that one day life will have sweetness again, indeed it does already, save the bitter taste blocks the sweetness out.

Darkness defines light. Sorrow defines joy. After the darkest night, the dawn is all the brighter.

May you find comfort other than food. That is where we all sought it, and that is what new sorrows are teaching us. We can find solace without shortening our own lives.

I'll hold you in my heart and prayers, and send good vibes your way, may these times give way to days of sunlight, carefree walks in dappled shadows, and in the quiet of the moment, may you hear your heart laughing once again.

[Vera 7]

I know how strong you are but sometimes you just need to cry. Sending my shoulder…When it rains it pours.

Death always make me appreciate the living so much more. One of the reasons for getting this band was to be living healthier and hopefully longer for my kids.

So sorry for your losses.

Ryan, Your words are beautiful…I too wish “may you hear your heart laughing once again”

Penni, I was wondering about your Mom and her colon, how is she?

[La_madam 20]

I'm feeling ya Penni...1998 was a bad year for me with loss. I am so sorry for what you are going through ... be strong it is so easy to eat for comfort. 1998 with all my tragedies I ate for comfort for an entire year and it got me in this mess of being obese. Not that I have not battled my weight all my life but I had lost 100lbs and kept it off for 5 years until 1998 when my mom & son died 10 days apart and my little one had cancer. I spent all of 1998 in hospitals eating crap food constantly! Hang in there, things will get better

[Penni60 45]

Ryan, Michelle, and Vera Thank you so much for those inspirational words. I cried all over again. LOL!!

Vera: Mom just had an upper GI done yesterday so we won't know results from that for awhile. She is scheduled for another colonoscopy (hopefully this one will be successful) on Dec 7th. I plan on heading there to talk to the doc for this one as well. She is in terrible pain and can't eat anything without running to the bathroom. I am scared to death what is really going on with her. She will at the least need exploratory lap done to see what is going on and at the most need to have part of her colon removed which may or may not mean a colostomy bag. SIGH!! She is getting weaker and weaker as the days go. Keep her in your prayers.