Quick! I need help on this one!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

So, many of you know about my husband's cancer situation, so I won't bore you with the details of that. I am having a party for him, prior to his surgery, so folks who know and love him can come and visit, party, just have a good time. I have asked a couple of folks to hold a healing prayer for him during the party. THIS is my dilemma: The two I asked, independently, both e-mailed back, saying they were honored to do this for him. This was a couple of weeks ago.

Wednesday they called him to meet with them, and then told him they wouldn't do the prayer, because it would be "a spectacle". Yes, a "SPECTACLE". Dave was in the middle of his 3-day chemo treatment at the time, and carrying his treatment pump with him, but did they care about that? No. Did they care that he was in the middle of terrible side effects and feeling horribly physically? No. They were more concerned about THEIR potential embarrassment at having to say a prayer for him publicly. They not only insulted Dave by saying this, but also every single soul that has ever and would ever say a healing prayer publicly, including Christ Himself. These people are supposedly Christians, as elders and councilmen for the church I attend.

Did they come to me and gracefully back out, stating uncomfortableness? No. Would I have had a problem with it if they had? No. Not a bit. There are lots who are uncomfortable with public speaking. Instead, they chose to drag a sick man to them, insult him, repeatedly saying how much of a "spectacle" this would be. You can imagine how hurt Dave was over this. It is not enough he must deal with this cancer and all the "joys" that go with it. They must corner him, then nail him.

I have since asked a couple of other folks to lead the prayer, who have graciously agreed, and will provide an awesome experience. I cannot thank them enough for this.

Now tomorrow is Sunday, and I am trying to decide whether to go to church and call these two souls out on this. I have yet to see them or talk to them, and I have to admit I am LIVID. The church as a whole has been invited to participate in the party, and they prayer has been offered to all who would like healing. This prayer is a simple, heart-felt offering by whomever wishes to speak, asking for healing for the afflicted, who are present. That's it. Period. Simple. Why has it become about these two people? I will not allow them on my property, for fear of them hurling more insults at my husband.

So, what do I do, if anything? I feel the church itself should know what is going on, and that these two are representing it. We do not have a pastor, they have fired the last one. I need help with this, I am beyond words. I am afraid if I speak, all kinds of horrible things will come out.

So many of you have blessed me with your words of wisdom and kindness, maybe you can offer some advice. The party is on the 8th of this month, so there is only one Sunday, tomorrow, in which to call them out publicly. I am also concerned if I don't show up tomorrow, they will say the party is called off, or something else that is untrue. As it stands now, neither my husband or myself wish to continue attending this church as long as they are in charge.

If you can offer any suggestions, please do.

Also, our party starts at 4pm Pacific Time, would you please offer up a prayer for healing of my husband, if you are so inclined? We would be most grateful. Again I thank all of you for your heart-felt support and love. I will forever be in your debt.

Jenifer

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

Sending prayers for both you and your husband. I wouldn't call them out for their poor behavior because that will only lower you to their level. Sadly they will still parade around as Christians and come out smelling like roses. I am so very sorry that they insulted your husband in this particularly bad time. They will be judged by a higher power.

I hope and pray that the people you have leading the prayer now will do an amazing job and God will touch them and lead the way. Your husband will be better in their capable hands.

Focus on what is important and you will be okay. All your attention should be on those who come to the party with genuine love and respect for your family, forget the rest as they are beneath you.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

Prayers will be sent Jenifer, with my very best wishes in such difficult circumstances. I can't imagine what you are both going through and for others to add drama at this time is astounding. I do believe in the words, "What goes around comes around" !!

Hugs

Kate

[LessOfMe0503 157]

I'm so sorry about the whole situation. You and your family will be in my prayers.

I wouldn't call them out publicly. Although I think I would tell them one on one that you are hurt by their actions. They could have handled that many different ways, but they didn't handle it well. However, even the best Christian makes mistakes and is worthy of forgiveness. Afterall, isn't that why Jesus died on the cross?

Then I would work hard at forgiving them and letting it go. You will be able to focus more on your family if it's not eating you up inside.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree. Just pray for them and ask for the strength to let it go. Your focus and attention should be on you and your husband.

I am praying for both of you.

[KristenVSG2014 1,872]

Matthew 5:23, 24, 44 - “If, then, you are bringing your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away. First make your peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift. However, I say to you: Continue to love your enemies and to pray for those who persecute you."

[JosieAppleHead 74]

I am furious with the actions of the elders and councilmen of this church that you faithfully attend. I am glad that you have found replacements for them for this honorable celebration. I hope they are still invited and feel ashamed that they backed out or other wise. I hope that in the event that they approach you with apologies or any concern with your guest sending thanks and asking for blessings from our Lord, that you are able to peacefully express how they could have handled things with your husband. Even if they don't approach you I feel as if this should not happen to another person and they should be made aware of how insensitive they were and that there is a time and place for everything. Finally, forgive them for their ignorance and remember we all fall short of his glory and it is he who is the only perfect one. Just because they are elders and council men does not mean they are he who is able to wash us clean they are just as filthy as any of us.

[pdptwo1 5]

my husband had cancer 18 yrs ago.....do this....start your own prayer spectacle..others will join you willfully and stop worrying about the other 2...amy

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

"Ask and ye shall receive..." And POW!!! Did I receive!!! THIS is why I come here! I needed to vent this hot air from my system, to release my turmoil (as if losing sleep over an ill husband isn't enough, huh?!), because I have gotten very little sleep over this since Wednesday. There is sure a lot of spiritual warfare going on in our lives right now.

You have, once again, allowed me to get this off my chest, and have, once again, come to my rescue! I will do as you ALL have suggested: pray for them (I must admit, this will be a serious challenge for me), and let this lie. I will work at releasing it, but since I first started reading your responses, it HAS been leaving me!!!

I can honestly say I don't know how I'll react if they show up at the party. Maybe by then (I have a week to work on it) I will be able to let all of it go. I have decided that returning to this church would be a mistake. I need one that can support me, instead of me having to justify what I do to a bunch of hypocrites. Unfortunately for me, one of these men is a neighbor, so we might see him from time to time, just in a passing-by scenario.

I thank you all for your time and consideration of this situation, for your prayers and kind words...you are truly an inspiration for me.

Update on Dave: he had his fifth chemo treatment set this past week, with side effects ranging from nausea/vomiting, extreme fatigue, facial sores, nose bleeds, and no appetite. Same as before, for the most part. He is maintaining his weight, but I am truly fighting a battle there. This chemo apparently sends a false satiation sensation to the brain, so he doesn't want to eat (bottle THAT for us WLS'ers!!!). I have to force it in him and he doesn't like my nagging about it. Everything he eats has mega calories and fat, sugar...to keep him at his current weight - he must be getting in 5000 to 10000 cal. a day! And STILL won't gain! Anyone seeing a HUGE irony here, besides me?!!!! Feed him all I can, while trying to stay on my plan! HA!!! I, too, am maintaining, but have stopped losing. But I am happy with what I have lost, and do my best to stay at what I am now.

Dave has one more treatment set to do before surgery. He will not have the Avastin this time, as it has to be out of his system before the surgery, so the colon can heal. 4-6 weeks after the last treatment he will have the surgery. Since he still has not had the PET scan, we still don't know the extent of the cancer. Here's where a good prayer can help: pray that the cancer has NOT invaded any other areas within him, that it is localized to the colon area (tumor) ONLY. And that the surgery can fully remove it and any surrounding bits. I've prayed this so much God MUST be tired of hearing it by now! But I believe in the power of prayer, and in God's will.

I will keep you apprised of the situation, as I know more. Thank you all sooooo much, for everything. YOU are my blessing!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

1st off, sending you and your family big hugs !!! We have been through cancer many times, its not easy to deal with at any time, but especially when those that you hoped would lead you in strength failed you . Instead if stewing about it and never getting a reason or resolution, I personally would approach the 2 people and nicely inquire as to their reason s for what they did. Whatever the reasons, you'll know why, and be able to let it all go and concentrate on whats REALLY important. Your husbands health , yes, but also your own health, mentally, physically, emotionally AND spiritually. . I kind of think its a package deal right now. Just my opinion. Either way, sending you good karma, prayers and lots of love and support !!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Save your strength for what matters at this time -- not about this little drama llama.

Best wishes for your husband and you at this time.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Let the haters go. God is in charge and knows the deal.

Praying for you both.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

Seen on a local sign: "Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right". Amen to that!

[borg/assimilated 576]

@@CanyonBaby

I haven't looked at this sight for a day or so, so I am late with a response. I agree with a lot of the advice you have been given, so many wise people here.

Why is it when a fellow Christian hurts us it seems so devastating? I think because we are all one body in Christ and it seems so pointless to hurt part of your own body. They will need to answer to God for their thoughtless words. On the other hand, none of us is perfect here on Earth, so as others said pray for them and try to let it go. If you still think after things have settled that they need an upbraiding , then by all means tell them how their words affected you and your husband.

I recently came across this quote from Victor Hugo and you immediately sprang to mind.

"

[borg/assimilated 576]

" Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."

Victor Hugo

( don't know what I did above that my post went up before I was finished, probably hit something by mistake)

Still praying for you daily, will definitely be specific as to your request above. Remember Jesus' parable about the neighbor knocking on the door repeatedly to ask for bread for his visitor? God knows what is on our hearts and yet...... I think he knows our need to ask and our need to be reassured that He is listening.

An abundance of love coming your way from Minnesota.