Marriage/Relationship change

[tough-girl78 10]

I was just wondering how your spouse has been since having WLS? I've been with the same man for 12 years and I worry how me having surgery will affect our relationship. I was over weight when we got together but due to a medical condition put on a significant amount of more weight. He's stuck by my side all these years. I just worry that once I lose the weight if it'll be different. I've always been secure in my relationship and when I asked him how he feels about me having the surgery he says he's happy. But I wonder if he's scared or has worries.

[glitterpockets 85]

Mines the same way and honestly u cant blame them. They're obviously with us because were good people on the inside and it takes a real man to see past our weight but now that were gonna have a body to match our personality they're gonna worry every other man out there is gonna come around and see what they didn't before. They're gonna feel intimidated and can get depressed as well but its our job to make them know and feel that we truly do love them and only them. That no one can take their place. If the shoes were reversed we'd be the same way.

[Elode 8,093]

My relationship with my husband is the same if not better. I like to get out and do more things so I'm happier which makes him happier. All in all its a win win! We've been together 7 years married 2. I'm not always covered up all the time anymore which he likes too

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Change, for good or ill always tests a relationship. Lose a job, or get a promotion; gain weight or lose weight...any of these can change the dynamics of the relationship. Ultimately he will prefer you healthier, and you will enjoy it too. Make this an adventure and most "MEN" rise to the challenge. That does not mean all males are MEN. I don't know your guy, but you have a great deal on your plate getting ready for this, so make sure he is all in and enjoy the ride together.

I am glad you are looking at the relationship dynamics on the front end. Good preparation.

Look up the posts on this site dealing with sex. I think that will motivate him. I sincerely wish you a pleasant journey.

Edited July 31, 2015 by OKCPirate

[MarceMonster 161]

My relationship has improved in the past year since I first started considering WLS. My husband originally was against me getting the surgery and thought it was too drastic, then when he took the time to learn about it he thought it was our best option. He even came to the seminar and some of the doctors appointments with me. Since I have had the sleeve we seem to be getting along even better then we were before, we are kinder and even more romantic. I think a lot of the change in our relationship stems from the fact that I feel better about myself. I am down almost 40lbs from my highest weight and I feel and look much better. Also I think this whole process added another layer of intimacy to our relationship. It means a lot that he stuck by me and continues to support and take care of me.

You and your husband should be fine as long as you are both involved in the process and are open and honest with each other. I know there is some statistic out there about divorce after WLS, but my guess is most of those people had rocky relationships to begin with. That being said WLS does stir up a lot of emotions and if you are not careful I can see how it would be easy to isolate yourself. Just keep if involved, and remember you guys are a team.

[tough-girl78 10]

Glad to hear that our guys do pretty well with us changing. He's been very supportive throughout my journey. He's taken me to most of my pre-op appointments. Intimacy has never really been a problem (except for when I was pregnant with our daughter ) but it went back to normal after I had her. I'm hoping me feeling better about myself will make us stronger.

[wheezysmom 146]

My husband has been nothing but supportive during this process. I think he likes seeing the changes in my body and he's not one to get jealous. He makes fun of me because my clothes are baggy but that is a great feeling so I cannot be mad.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

BTW, as a further incentive for your hubby:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/345874-fun-use-for-big-clothes/ ????

I'm glad to hear these stories of spousal support, too often I only hear the Negative stories.

[Riz2006 242]

My relationship with my husband is the same if not better. I like to get out and do more things so I'm happier which makes him happier. All in all its a win win! We've been together 7 years married 2. I'm not always covered up all the time anymore which he likes too

Ditto all this! My hubby loved me before and always supported me! We have been married 9 years. I am about 5-10lbs away from our wedding day weight. My hubby has been more lovey dovey but not because he "loves me more" per say but because the confidence I have now is so much higher then what I had just 4 months ago. I walk around in shorts and sports bra now, I let him in the room while I change, I dress up and wear more then just yoga pants (although I feel like I rock the yoga pants now ????). I want to do more things (we just went on a canoe trip). He just sees how much my confidence as grown and how much more I'm loving life and that's lead him to enjoying life/me more.

[Jessica Ellison-Correa 66]

my husband just wants me to be happy and healthy hes my biggest fan when i told him my currennt weight loss he was so proud