What do you tell people?

[sparkles1971 47]

I haven't told people anything other than that I am watching what I eat. As far as cake, I avoid it. I have however been in one awkward situation where I took a bite and then acted really full. Everyone knows I love(d) cake and packed it for me to take home. Once home it hit the trash. At least no ones feelings were hurt.

[MoniqueMcCoy 20]

I don't know what to say either. Only close family members know that I'm going through this

[mallen1895 108]

I'm almost 3 months out. 51lbs down. I get asked all the time how am I losing weight so fast. Simple say diet and exercise. People also ask how much weight have you lost. I just say I lost a few pounds.

[lovingdavid 119]

Some friends know and few family members because I rather it be like that. Yes we don't need people's approval but people can be rude about surgery. I think if people ask you can tell them the truth only if you feel comfortable telling them. That's how I feel.

[tam_mandala 33]

I choose to be truly known...

That is a beautiful way to put it...

[newstart2015 11]

At first I was planning on keeping my surgery a secret but then one night, I decided that I wanted the world to know that I was taking my life back. I was completely overwhelmed by all of the love and support that I was given by everyone. I did not have one negative comment. In fact, many had questions and were very curious about the process. I am tired of feeling ashamed. I am proud of my decision and I am proud of the 70 pounds I have lost over the 4 months since my surgery.

[Trinn 139]

Wow, superinteresting question! I don't have a surgery date yet, but I've been doing a lot of medical stuff, and for two months, I've been on a mostly liquid diet (shakes, with one small Protein only meal a day). This has caused a fair amount of attention, because I spend a lot of time in spaces where there aren't healthy food options for me, and where my dietary habits have been really noticeable. (Lots of Jewish retreats and events, where I can't bring in food and the food is all "dairy", which means mostly carbs.

And what I say when someone pokes at it a lot is, "My doctor and I are trying to get to the root of a digestive problem I have." :-) If they push me, I say, "I am trying to finally resolve a problem that's been bothering me since I had my gallbladder out."

And after that, I don't discuss it. If someone says, "Oh, so you eat Atkins? " or "Oh, are you gluten free?" I just smile and say, "Oh, right now, I'm eating what's healthy for me, until we work out what works better. You don't don't want to hear the details!" And then I make a little face, that ever so slightly suggests it would be TMI.

This, is, in fact, mostly true. I have had a problem since I had my gall bladder out after acute pancreatitis over 10 years ago -- I have "bile salt diarrhea." And you know what? My BSD is completely gone when I just eat Protein. :-) I'm not interested in discussing my weight.

But other than that -- I am basically surrounded by fat-positive and sex-positive friends, and I am more concerned that one of them will get upset and feel a need to tell me I'm being a "traitor" or something else for having WLS. I also don't want to hurt the feelings of people I know who are too sweet to ever say that, but who are at my weight or higher. So, I have told 3 friends I'm doing this -- the ones I will probably need support from when first have surgery. I've told my children. But other than that, I am just "working on a health issue."

I know at some point, I will have lost enough weight that someone will be like, "Whaaat has happened?" in which case, I'll just say I finally addressed a health problem that was bothering me. I don't want to hear "you're looking better" and stuff like that. I look great now. I will look great then. I am more than the number of pounds I'm carrying. :-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

What in the world is sex-positive?

[tlemieux220 138]

This is a very Hot topic, and everyone is different. I am very open with everyone, my philosophy is this, if you are comfortable with the decision you made it doesn't matter what others thing about WLS. If you feel like you want to keep it to yourself then that is who you are. My family and friends all know and so do my coworkers, and I am okay with that. If they look at me funny, I just remind them I am human and I am going to have set backs, I am no different than anyone else.

This was a decision we all made to get healthier then we were before, we are all going to have our ups and downs trust me I have in the last 5 months, but I don't let that hold me back. and I am a stress eater and know that, so I have fallen off and started going back to my old habits, but I figured it out.

I am for the first time in 14 years under 200 lbs as of today. I know I would not have been able to do this with out WLS and my family they are my biggest support. I my kids help me stay on track they can see when I am full and remind me of that at dinner time.

If you don't have this support we are all here for you as well. I find this place a very conforting place to come when I am down or when I have a success.

[tam_mandala 33]

This is something that I am starting to think about. For the last year and a half I have been very connected to a running/fitness group. Some of the people in this group have become friends, especially with some of the "bigger girls" in the group. As I begin this journey and am full of excitement about it, I am finding myself wondering if I am going to tell people... They will surely notice after January, as the weight comes off, as I am eating and drinking less and differently when we go out. I don't want to keep things from folks, because as another posted said, it is important for me to be fully known and seen. To be an authentic person. And yet, I am concerned if they will judge me as taking the easy way out - I know my former trainer will! If I don't tell them, I'd feel like I was lying and presenting that all of a sudden diet and exercise clicked for me?

I think the bottom line, over the next few months leading up to the surgery, I need to get sure and confident in my decision to have the surgery and in what I tell folks.

[tlemieux220 138]

This is something that I am starting to think about. For the last year and a half I have been very connected to a running/fitness group. Some of the people in this group have become friends, especially with some of the "bigger girls" in the group. As I begin this journey and am full of excitement about it, I am finding myself wondering if I am going to tell people... They will surely notice after January, as the weight comes off, as I am eating and drinking less and differently when we go out. I don't want to keep things from folks, because as another posted said, it is important for me to be fully known and seen. To be an authentic person. And yet, I am concerned if they will judge me as taking the easy way out - I know my former trainer will! If I don't tell them, I'd feel like I was lying and presenting that all of a sudden diet and exercise clicked for me?

I think the bottom line, over the next few months leading up to the surgery, I need to get sure and confident in my decision to have the surgery and in what I tell folks.

I fully understand this, I was not sure at the time if I was going to tell people and I had a person try to talk me out of it, she does Shakelology and I told her it was not for me, and now she is happy for me and sees what I have accomplished. Different things for different folks. The one thing is I will not preach to people if they want information I will give it to them for what they decide to do.

[ladivaluz806 87]

I will start off by saying to each his/her own. I work with 2 women who choose not to tell anyone they had WLS. One of our coworkers ( they are all supervisors) came to my office and asked me about my surgery, to which I am very open about. She spilled the Beans about the other 2 women who have had it and are keeping it a secret. Even one who is my supervisor with whom we have discussed on several occasions WLS and how she said she was going to Mexico to get it done one day. She keeps it a secret as well. I could care less if she or anyone wants to share. I can say that I feel that I find it deceitful to want people to think you did this without our new "tool". All of a sudden your workout and eating habits that were never successful before all of a sudden are working great. Some fear that they will be judged for having surgery, others really want people to think that their miracle diet is working. Its bull in a handbasket, and I am proud that i had WLS. It saved my life. Lies are hard to keep up with. No thanks.

[tlemieux220 138]

I will start off by saying to each his/her own. I work with 2 women who choose not to tell anyone they had WLS. One of our coworkers ( they are all supervisors) came to my office and asked me about my surgery, to which I am very open about. She spilled the Beans about the other 2 women who have had it and are keeping it a secret. Even one who is my supervisor with whom we have discussed on several occasions WLS and how she said she was going to Mexico to get it done one day. She keeps it a secret as well. I could care less if she or anyone wants to share. I can say that I feel that I find it deceitful to want people to think you did this without our new "tool". All of a sudden your workout and eating habits that were never successful before all of a sudden are working great. Some fear that they will be judged for having surgery, others really want people to think that their miracle diet is working. Its bull in a handbasket, and I am proud that i had WLS. It saved my life. Lies are hard to keep up with. No thanks.

I could not agree more with what you have to say. I use to belong to a FB support group, but decide it was not for me, because everyone wanted to be so secret. One day I happened to like a quote someone posted and I took it and posted on my wall and it was a wonderful quote, I wanted to share it with all my friends and family. They all know about my WLS and one of them got really upset, so I decided to leave the group. I just told her this was not my cup of tea. At least here we can be as open or secretive as we all want to be..

[Trinn 139]

I will start off by saying to each his/her own. I work with 2 women who choose not to tell anyone they had WLS. One of our coworkers ( they are all supervisors) came to my office and asked me about my surgery, to which I am very open about. She spilled the Beans about the other 2 women who have had it and are keeping it a secret. Even one who is my supervisor with whom we have discussed on several occasions WLS and how she said she was going to Mexico to get it done one day. She keeps it a secret as well. I could care less if she or anyone wants to share. I can say that I feel that I find it deceitful to want people to think you did this without our new "tool". All of a sudden your workout and eating habits that were never successful before all of a sudden are working great. Some fear that they will be judged for having surgery, others really want people to think that their miracle diet is working. Its bull in a handbasket, and I am proud that i had WLS. It saved my life. Lies are hard to keep up with. No thanks.

Hey, thanks for writing this. I see what you're saying. In my case, people don't see me "dieting" because I don't "diet" -- I have tended to eat very low carb, but just all the time. And they don't see me working out, because I'm disabled (arthritis and injuries). I don't expect anyone will think I'm engaged in some miracle diet. My honest concern is that I am just not interested in having people say things I'm personally going to find offensive that they think are compliments. Like the other day, I was leaving the house and my partner said, "You look so cute in that dress, and you look cuter every day!" He was trying to compliment me on my work at sticking to my eating choices and losing 20 lbs over the past two months, but I stopped him and asked that he not frame this like that, that language doesn't feel good to me.

And really, my weight and my health choices are my business. My disinterest in sharing is part of my enforcing that boundary. If someone were to suggest to me that it was some "miracle" diet that changed -- though I don't know how they would -- I would just say, "I have been working with my health care providers to address concerns I had." And I'd give them my sweet-but-firm "Not your business" look. *grin*

[Trinn 139]

What in the world is sex-positive?

*laugh* It's a very Northern California term, and I think really, what I meant here was "They're all very northern California people." I'm a student and a peer educator, and a lot of what my friends and peers educate about is body positivity. So, when I say "sex positive" I mean, "I have fat friends who do things like dance burlesque, teach other fat women hip-hop, teach intimacy skills for bigger people, and for them, WLS can be a hot button issue, because they're putting so much effort into teaching and leading and modelling happy healthy sexy body image as big folks."

Edited August 4, 2015 by Trinn