Starting out at 198 (kinda)

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Starting out at 198 (kinda)

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Hi folks. I don't have as much to lose as somebody who is, let's say, 302 pounds. I weigh 198 and have been at this weight for quite a while. I go to the gym once a week (it used to be more) and I eat an average of probably 1900 calories a day. My diet is currently free of most processed sugars and all soda, focusing on high Protein, low carb, and frequent salads with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. I do have several cocktails each weekend. I have the band and want to get to my goal weight of 145.

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Hi folks. That person above is me - today. I was actually banded 16 months ago. I started out at 302. I lost weight like crazy and dropped 100 pounds in 7 months. I got moving on a treadmill one day post op. I was super compliant with post op eating and dropped 50 pounds before my first fill. WLS saved my life. I got to my green zone. Fill level is optimal. Then I stopped losing.

What changed? A lot, now that I think about it. Here is some of it.

Some of you know that I filed for divorce four months post-op and left an emotionally and financially abusive husband. Moved out of my home. Took my college age daughters with me. Long story, but smartest thing I ever did. I got WLS precisely so that I would have the courage to leave. It worked.

We moved in with my mom. Nuff said.

I've been in this state for a year now. One year. NSETBEx (not-soon-enough-to-be-ex) is blocking every step of the divorce and financially cleaning me out. Won't pay bills, college, etc, without court intervention, and continues to emotionally abuse my kids from afar. Nuff said about him. He doesn't deserve another paragraph.

Me. What's changed with me? I became more social. For all of my adult obese life I was hiding in my house with my food. Now I go out with my bestie on weekends and listen to bands and go to summer festivals and make new friends. I've joined Codependents Anonymous and go to two meetings a week there. I go to therapy every two weeks -- she started out as a divorce coach but we switched to regular therapy. I go to Overeaters Anonymous about once a week. I joined a gym a couple of months ago and just ended 12 sessions with a personal trainer.

The divorce is stressful as hell. It is killing me to think I will still be married at the end of 2015. We haven't even started negotiating the house and assets yet.

My kids are home for the summer and busy busy busy. One is working a good intern job and one is taking four college classes since she changed her major and needs to stay on time for graduation. We three share my car in the evenings. Nuff said.

I can't buy a house until the divorce is final because except for my decent salary, I am now flat broke. He's draining me dry, and all joint assets are tied up in the divorce.

I'm in "waiting" hell.

Where does that leave my weight loss?

I have been down on myself for not losing weight these last 7 months. Then today I had an epiphany.

We all start out every day from exactly where we are. Not where we were. Not where we think we should be. Where we ARE.

So where am I today?

Today I am a 198 pound 5'5" 54 year old woman who goes to the gym once a week and walks a 5k on the treadmill and works out on some strength machines. I eat high protein and low carb. I don't eat between meals. I don't eat foods with sugar. I drink alcohol on weekends which messes up my sugar and calories. I eat buttered popcorn in large quantities at the movies at least once a week which blows my calories to hell. I eat too many fried foods.

What would happen if I stopped treating myself as a failure who hasn't gotten to goal after 16 months, and treated myself instead as starting out at 198 with a LapBand to help me?

The circumstances of my life today are in some ways very different and in some ways very much the same as they were a year ago when I left NSETBEx. Same: stressful with constant divorce crap. Different: just about everything else.

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Hi folks. I'm starting out at 198 and have a little over 50 pounds to lose. I have a LapBand and I'm looking for encouragement and support to improve my eating and exercise more. Can anyone relate?

[pink dahlia 2,513]

No, I can't even begin to relate.........not even remotely. Im so sorry you have to go through this crap ! Just remember, karma is a bitch ! The only thing I can think of is to concentrate on what you CAN control, and to not worry about what you CAN'T control. ( Serenity prayer ?) In the meantime ask yourself what you can do daily to get yourself healthy, because when this mess is all over and done with, how do you want to look and feel mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritualy ? Make yourself your #1, not the situation ! Hugs !! Good luck !!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

The only thing I can think of is to concentrate on what you CAN control, and to not worry about what you CAN'T control. ( Serenity prayer ?) In the meantime ask yourself what you can do daily to get yourself healthy, because when this mess is all over and done with, how do you want to look and feel mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritualy ? Make yourself your #1, not the situation !

You are so right. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks. Perspective.

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi there, what a great post -- here we are, now. That's all we can effect: the present. I've been hanging out with my dad a lot, who is 90 with dementia. There's no going back as he can't remember, and there's no reeling forward (my tendency). When I'm with him I find myself stapled to the moment and it's as though time is operating differently. The race is off. Now I'm trying to bring that into the rest of my life, too, along with the band thinking we learned when we had to listen in to our bodies so closely. I'm trying to stop, notice, breathe and pay attention.

I think you are amazing. You have been facing a very difficult situation with so much courage, and you've reinvented your life. It's frustrating that you are still not free of this situation, but you will be. Meanwhile you have launched two daughters into their own lives and they are doing so well. That is a huge accomplishment given the equation. You've reclaimed your body and it's strong, healthy and beautiful.

You'd still like to lose another chunk though. Me, too. I feel like I am on pause and I want to make my goal as well. I don't want to stop where I am now (in fact I need to adjust my ticker because I crept up a little and feel stuck there). I was sure summer would be my time to start shedding again but here I am. Part of me thinks that the plateau time is good as I am still getting used to myself and I don't want to have loose skin or an even more dramatic loss that will cause people to discuss me (another part of me says what do I care?). I have not wanted to diet as that's not what this is about -- in fact I had to unlearn dieting in order to embrace and respond to hunger appropriately. But I may just need to roll up my sleeves and commit to this last chunk and getting it off once and for all. How can we support each other?

[laguerr13 993]

I really don't think you need anything from any of us, I believe you may have lost focus and perspective due to the fullness of your plate( regarding life) pardon the pun, you inspire not only because of your weight loss, but because you also managed to entirely change your mind and life to be more positive and happy for you and your family, living with and abusive individual is a poison in itself, it prevents you from happiness, health and a myriad of other positives, and eventually wears you down to believe " this is the only way it can be", I actually think if you were to be able to take a deep breath, read slowly what you just posted to yourself, and assuming you can take atleast a day away for yourself, you will realize how strong you are and how much you have accomplished in such a small amount of time, remember when after surgery the feeling of not being in so much pain, sleeping better, being healthier overall , can you see where I'm going with this? You already have the answers under your nose, if you were to take the time and reset, I'm sure your weight would slowly start coming off again, I work in a psych facility and have seen your story countless times, except yours is one of success........... Remember who you were and who you are now!!!!!

Sorry, your story hit a spot in me

[enjoythetime 1,457]

Oh @@JustWatchMe I truly hope you see all the beauty and strength inside yourself the way others do. I see an amazingly strong woman who fights to get what she wants/needs, who through all the struggles hasn't crumbled but yet CHOSES to take those challenges head on to gain strength, momentum, betters herself daily and who supports and builds others up around her. Girl, you're there, you're at that finish line and it's the hardest place to be because you're so close you can see it, you're tired and you're not sure how you're going to keep putting those feet in front of one another to get you over that line right? These next steps are going to take you to a whole other world. Right now you're getting your second wind and that's going to push you above and beyond where you ever thought possible. Yes you have to commit to getting there but whether you realize it or not I believe you already have so take whatever you have in you take those remaining struggles and use them as fuel for the cause and PUSH YOURSELF like never before. We're all here to support you. I totally believe in you and I know you've got every ounce of what it takes to get you over to the other side!!!!! Hugs my friend!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Somehow I lost the notifications for this thread, and I'm just catching up today. Thank you so much, everyone. It means the world to me to have the support of you good people who are fighting the fight too.

We all have our stuff, don't we? Mine is a divorce. I'm reminded today that I can handle this, one day at a time.

Yes, seeing the success is the challenge. I've lived so much of my life focused on what I wasn't doing and wasn't accomplishing. No more. Every day I want to recognize and acknowledge my achievements. That will keep my momentum going.

You folks are the best.