How Do You Get Over the Guilt?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

A little P.S. to this ...

One of the biggest contributors to my obesity was my inactive lifestyle. By inactive, I mean my resistance to standing up and walking across the room to do something, to walking for exercise, to moving for pretty much any reason at all.

But here's the deal ... when you're obese, you hurt. Your knees, back, entire body hurts. You're not insane for not wanting to move, you're just trying not to hurt.

One of the biggest shocks about having lost over 90 pounds is that now I move it, move it, move it. I want to walk, I want to clean house, I want to walk around the living room while the microwave is heating up Water for my tea, I want to make the bed, I want to walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth, I want to mow the lawn, I want to do the grocery shopping. I want to go on business trips and go shopping at the mall and take the garbage out to the garbage can and take the stairs.

I even move my ankles in circles when I'm sitting down.

And that makes all the difference in the world in terms of the calories I'm burning up and the new metabolism I'm buildling. I can now eat 1,750 calories a day at 144 pounds and not gain weight. I'm not sure but what I wasn't gaining weight at 235 pounds while eating 1,750 calories a day.

There's a point you cross as you get fatter and fatter where things get really rough. You simply can't move enough to keep your metabolism high enough to lose weight even if you're not eating all that much.

I honestly don't know how else I could have lost all this weight if I hadn't had WLS. And I didn't truly appreciate the interaction of all these factors until I'd gone through the weight loss phases and nearly 3 months of maintenance. I also know there's a lot more for me to learn.

It's time now with 70% of American adults being overweight or obese that we start having grown-up conversations about the complexity of obesity and the elements required for its solution.

"Just say no" is about the stupidest approach to reducing obesity that I could imagine. If fixing it were simple, I'd be all for that. However, after you've crossed the obesity bridge it ain't all that simple to get back across it.

The guilt associated with WLS would evaporate if, as a society, we understood the actual causes that made us obese and kept us obese from a scientific/medical perspective, instead of from a moral perspective.

Shame and guilt not only don't help us -- they just damage us more.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

No, I haven't felt guilty.

My family has been very supportive. I was the reverse of most folks, though. My family was convinced that WLS was a good solution for me long before I was on board. Which brings up another whole set of issues and emotions.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have zero guilt over WLS. ZERO

I do feel guilt over how much I missed out. I feel guilt over how much my kids missed out because of my obesity.

I feel guilt over my kids having to defend my size/looks to their friends

I feel guilt over realizing that i was the one who brought alot of the crappy food into our house in previous years.

My boys are fine young men - all grown up now and they have forgiven me, but I sure notice that they are very aware of the obesity disease and don't want it in a prospective partner. This is less about looks, and more about everything I mention above, and probably way more.

[borg/assimilated 576]

Having been thin until I was 37 ( when I had my first child), my guilt was in that for some reason I simply could not lose any significant weight anymore. So yes, I felt guilty that it took WLS for me to start losing again. I wish I'd had the intestinal fortitude to have this surgery before my BMI was 42!

[Djmohr 6,965]

No guilt here whatsoever! Life is way too short and I wasted 25 years of it being obese and sitting out.

I have my life back and it sure as well wasn't easy making that happens. Losing this 112lbs was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Losing the next 34 seem almost impossible too and I know that maintaining it will be just as difficult as losing it.

Nope, no time for guilt here, too busy enjoying my much healthier thinner self!

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

No guilt here. I cannot add anything to everything everyone else has already contributed.

Probably the only thing I feel besides gratitude for having it done finally, is some regret for not having the surgery when it was first suggested to me by my former PCP's PA who I think very highly of. It tood several years and a new PCP's recommendation before I even considered WLS as an option.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I had an advantage when it came to guilt. Being a minister of the Gospel I have dealt with the dimensions of guilt for a long time. There is much negative guilt that is imposed on you by others for manipulation purposes, imagined guilt that is self punishment, and guilt that is not connected with any cohesive reality. The only positive guilt is exercised by a conscious connected to the truth which leads to freedom.

Guilt concerning getting weight loss surgery lines up perfectly with negative guilt. There is no truth in it. Holding on to the truth and fighting off the phony morality wins the battle. Fighting off toxic thinking is as much a part of weight loss as resisting phony hunger.

My brother, the karate expert, taught me this: wherever you get someones head to go the rest will follow. Keep your head on top, keep your balance, don't let the guilt pushers get you down!

[Smye 694]

My family is supportive as hell. The only guilt I feel is over the $17K that surgery put us into debt, alongside grad school, and I'm nervous that the debt is going to come back to haunt us sooner than later. I guess better poor and alive though, than debt-free and nearly-dead.

Edited July 21, 2015 by Smye

[TheProfessor 378]

I'm with Smye - no guilt other than the cringe-worthy cost of the surgery.

Being Canadian, the lap-band was not covered by our universal health care program (which, by the way, is spectacular and I feel so lucky to be Canadian because of it!). Once I decided I was going to have the surgery, I booked it, and waited for TWO MONTHS to tell my husband and daughter.

I have the most supportive and loving husband on this planet. He and I have been married 16 years and respect and adore each other. Why couldn't I tell him?? I felt ashamed that I had let my weight balloon from 145 pounds (when we were first married) to 259 pounds. The only reason? Lack of self-control and a deep love of food and wine. Plain and simple.

So the shame associated with this 'weakness', and my decision to invest $16K of our family's savings into WLS to regain power over it was an enormous source of stress. I knew he would be supportive, but the waiting on the right moment to tell him was pure hell.

When I finally did tell him and our 15 year old, with tears running down my face at the dinner table one night, he was quiet and respectful and interested. He listened. He hugged me. He said, "I'm proud of you, sweetheart. What a great decision".

Shame? INSTANTLY GONE.

Now, 7 months later, he is enjoying the fruits of my weight loss adventure. I am more "flirty" (let's leave it at that!), more confident, eating healthier (which has a positive trickle down effect for our entire family), more energized.

No shame in that!

[LisaLouBop 181]

Like so many others on here, not a twinge of guilt at all.

And again, as @@VSGAnn2014 said, I do not know how I would have done this without WLS. I just had 2 wellness checkups with my Primary and with my Gyn - neither had seen me since my surgery. The looks on their faces were priceless.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I wouldn't call it guilt, but there is definitely a level of embarrassment. I know if I tell my casual friends that I'm having wls they will totally just think I've taken the easy way out and not realize how important this is for me. It makes me want to keep it to myself and only let a few people in. I've always been a pretty private person as far as my weight and diets go so it wouldn't surprise anyone if I went on another diet and lost some weight. By the time I lose a substantial amount of weight, I might be more open to talking about it. I think if anything I'm more afraid of telling people and then not losing anything and have people talk about me and how I couldn't make it work because I'm just a fat lazy person. That's my biggest fear.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

I will admit when I first thought about getting WLS I told myself I was taking the easy way out but at the time I didn't care because regardless I knew it was the ONLY way out for me! Then, as soon as I started the pre-op diet I realized easy was definitely not in my vocabulary any longer. I was never ashamed in my decision, I also had the great support of family and friends and from day one I've been very open with my WLS choice with everyone who asks "how'd you do it". I don't care what people say, honestly what negativity can they possibly have when someone standing in front of them has lost 159lbs due to their "lazy" actions:-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@enjoythetime

I just noticed your signature line, which I really like: "I know it's all about balance and doing things. I know I can LIVE WITH AND WITHOUT for the REST OF MY LIFE!"

Way cool.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

@@Smye I look at the financial "set back" as an investment in the future. Just think, you are up fronting the cost now, but this later will save you from having to shell out for other surgeries to repair knees and backs and the cost of diabetes and the testing strips and not to mention the plus sized clothes all cost a butt ton more so for the price of that one hiddeous tent shirt that cost $110 you instead buy a $10 top at target in the regular section and put the diff towards the bills.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

On another forum this morning I saw a post in which a guy said his primary care physician just eliminated diabetes and blood pressure meds that previously cost him $100/month. At that rate, depending on where he had his surgery, he'll make back the cost of his WLS in 5-10 years.

Add to that the value of the much less wear and tear he'll wreak on his body and the years of higher quality life, happiness and satisfaction he's just added to his life span and to his family's.

And future surgeries he has avoided.

Etc.