The GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY!

[Nikki Monroe 71]

Hey guys! What was your experience when you decided to tell friends, family, coworkers and the DOG that you were having or had VSG? I'm interested in all experiences. I decided to keep my quiet and only told a few select people. What did you decide to do and what was our experience like?

[Megdelyn 85]

I haven't kept it a secret but I haven't been advertising it either. Most of my friends know, a few of my coworkers. Response has been positive.

[MzB 297]

I admit I was concerned about telling people. And I limited who I told before I did it. That is when I felt I got the most unsolicited advice. I am now 2 months post op and I have decided to just own it. I realized that what others thought wasn't as important as what I thought. I don't tell everyone, the same way if you had a hysterectomy, you wouldn't just use it as a conversation starter. . However, I truly believe that this was MY decision, and what was right for me. Most have beenreally supportive, the ones who aren't, I just ignore. It's not their life.

I have also found that people are curious and a number of friends have thought about it and now want to ask thoughtful questions. If I can be a good resource for them as they consider this option, I want to be.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I told one of my very best girlfriends, who was very supportive, she has seen me struggle with my weight over the years. I told her not to tell anyone, then a couple weeks later when we were talking about my surgery she told me that she told her husband and her mother. That is more than no one. So I decided then, the only way I could keep control over who knows is to really limit the people that know, to basically no one.

I had also told a college friend, that was really supportive but lives out of state. That friend doesn't talk to any of my other friends or family. That is the friend I had with me when I had my surgery and is my confidant.

I'm not telling my family because of a lot of deep personal reasons I don't feel comfortable sharing.

It took me a long time to reach this decision. I am not ashamed of it, but I don't want it under a microscope. I don't feel like constantly answering a bunch of random questions. This is something I am still adjusting to and dealing with day by day, I want to do it in peace and private. I do not want added stress from outside people that don't have to live my life.

I told a couple of other friends that live out of state and all the support has been positive. A lot of people have known about my weight struggles. I have worked really hard over the years and not seen the results I should have, this was my final option for success.

Edited July 18, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[The Candidate 3,215]

My family was 100% supportive. And as I'm the only obese member in my immediate family, I couldn't ask for more. They've never once made me feel bad because of it.

At work, which I politely refer to as Peyton Place, because if you share your personal stuff with one person, the whole town knows about it by day's end, I've only shared with a select few. I am very glad I went that route too.

My dogs on the other hand are divided. The older one wants me to try exercise and dieting one more time. The younger one is all for surgery. The younger one and I laugh behind the older one's back, as she is so set in her ways. The older one doesn't care that we laugh behind her back because... well, she's a dog.

I try my best not to hold it against her. ????

[Kindle 8,667]

I told family and close friends before surgery and like family and friends are supposed to be, they were totally supportive. Of course they expressed the normal amount of concern over the fact it was major surgery and I was traveling to Mexico, but they were all positive and offered any help I needed.

Post op, I was asked how I was losing so much weight several times every day (I see up to a dozen clients/day). With very few exceptions, I told them I had surgery and proceeded to answer any questions they had about the type of surgery, the process involved, diet plan I follow, etc. The exceptions were clients I don't really like and have no interest in having ANY type of non-professional conversation with. By the 2nd month my work partner was answering the questions herself because she had heard them so many times. We were both very glad when the novelty of my skinniness finally wore off!

Telling the truth about my surgery was really the only option I had. Anything else would have felt like lying and I don't feel comfortable letting people think it was just diet and exercise. And as a result, at least 4 other people have had WLS since hearing my story. Not to mention the 100's of people that now have a little better understanding of obesity, WLS and the great medical care available in Mexico. And if anyone is saying anything negative about my surgery they are doing it behind my back because I have only had positive responses. (Except my hairdresser who calls me "skinny bitch" )

And my dogs have been totally supportive. They love the fact that I can no longer clean my plate.

Edited July 18, 2015 by Kindle

[Soapandcandlequeen 124]

I also have not kept it secret but also have not been advertising it either. Everyone has an opinion you will soon learn. Many of those people are thin. I just ask them when it was that they lost 100 pounds and it shuts them up. No one knows what it's like unless they have walked in your shoes. You will also get hate from the over weight. Some is jealousy. You just have to k ow you are doing what is best for you

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I told only my husband and two close friends, both out of state. Nobody else knows -- not the sibs, not the in-laws, not my clients, not my other good friends.

It's been wonderful not having to educate and re-educate the world about WLS and why it isn't crazy, the easy way out, or dangerous.

[mngreeneyes 674]

I'm not telling my family because of a lot of deep personal reasons I don't feel comfortable sharing.

I can relate. I am still very early (about a month from my decision) in this process, but I am not sure about telling my family either. It being surgery, so I probably will have to. Its not as though they won't notice something is up, but I just am not sure about their reaction. Is it better to "ask" for permission or for forgiveness? I know it will hurt them if I don't tell them, but they have never been good about being helpful on my other weight loss attempts. They do things they think are helpful, but truly aren't.

My friends have been great and wonderfully supportive. I have a couple of friends lined up to help/let me stay with her post-op. I have one friend that is supportive, but very practical, who has been asking good questions to make sure I have all the answers I need before I have surgery. My knee jerk reaction to her initially was I don't want to talk to you anymore, but then I realized that her questions were really valuable and came from such a good place. I have promised this friend and my boss that I will talk to my psych. about it and will follow his advice/plan of action about whether and how to tell my family. I have slowly continued to tell my friends.

I will not be saying anything at work beyond that I am having surgery. They will notice and I am sure ask after, but I'll deal with that then. Its truly not any of their business. I work in a terribly dysfunctional department so I dont' want to become any further a part of the dysfunction.

[Licia'sjourney 89]

I have told my sister and son and I have told a handful of people at work. I am very fortunate in that everyone has been very supportive and happy for me.

When I first started telling people I was actually surprised when everyone was supportive because apparently I was expecting some negative comments but never got them.

I told several people that I was surprised that everyone I told was happy for me. They all said they have seen me struggle since they have know me with the weight issue and that's why they were happy for me.

[Nikki Monroe 71]

I'm not telling my family because of a lot of deep personal reasons I don't feel comfortable sharing.

I can relate. I am still very early (about a month from my decision) in this process, but I am not sure about telling my family either. It being surgery, so I probably will have to. Its not as though they won't notice something is up, but I just am not sure about their reaction. Is it better to "ask" for permission or for forgiveness? I know it will hurt them if I don't tell them, but they have never been good about being helpful on my other weight loss attempts. They do things they think are helpful, but truly aren't.

My friends have been great and wonderfully supportive. I have a couple of friends lined up to help/let me stay with her post-op. I have one friend that is supportive, but very practical, who has been asking good questions to make sure I have all the answers I need before I have surgery. My knee jerk reaction to her initially was I don't want to talk to you anymore, but then I realized that her questions were really valuable and came from such a good place. I have promised this friend and my boss that I will talk to my psych. about it and will follow his advice/plan of action about whether and how to tell my family. I have slowly continued to tell my friends.

I will not be saying anything at work beyond that I am having surgery. They will notice and I am sure ask after, but I'll deal with that then. Its truly not any of their business. I work in a terribly dysfunctional department so I dont' want to become any further a part of the dysfunction.

the few people I decided to tell I made sure to prep. I didn't just come out with "I'm having weight loss surgery". I told them I had something life changing to tell them and asked them to be respectful of my decision and be careful of their responses and it seemed to work. I don't believe everyone in my family has the right to know. I'm only telling a select few that I feel will be supportive and that I can call on. Just because we are related doesn't entitle you to know my business. I'm not even telling my mother because I don't want to hear the negative things she will say. Good luck with your decision. Think about it this way...you will have a lot of emotional overload hat you will have to deal with surrounding your surgery. Do you want to deal with other people's opinion and perhaps negativity with that as well?