Mourning my now "self" before my new "self"

[GoHawksTX 3]

I can't explain what is going on. I have a RNY August 18th. I have been mourning the loss of me! Will I be the same person with less weight?

Does anyone kind of understand this ? I hear depression is a side effect and I honestly wonder if it's just grieving your old self.

Anyway, so emotional. Grieving a surgery??!! Sigh

[Dub 9,922]

I'm sure we'll all go through a wide range of emotions.....but one thing I'm fairly certain off......I won't be mourning lugging around this extra weight and grunting & groaning after doing mild work.

I won't be mourning being out of breath after climbing stairs.....or the knee pain from doing so.

I won't be mourning how I feel after a 13 hour workday.

I won't be mourning how I feel after long car rides.

I'm looking forward to the leaner me ahead.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I think I get it. I've been overweight my whole life. This chubby cheeked face is all I've ever known. I don't know how I'll feel the first time I look in a mirror and she's gone. That does bother me a bit. I try to focus on the positives, but I do worry that I won't be "me" after surgery. But then maybe that's ok too. Maybe we need to be accepting of a new version of "me" and learn what we like all over again. I've heard some post op people once they reach goal weight refer to their surgery date as their new birthday, because they were taken through a new childhood and into a new life. You even start out eating like a baby if you think about it! First liquids, then soft foods like baby Cereal, and then slowly til we get to solids. So maybe we are babies again, so maybe it's ok to cry a little. LOL

[The Candidate 3,215]

There is always a period of mourning whenever a major change occurs in life. But I'll bet you're going to have a much happier healthier relationship with the new you. And that's worth the pangs of letting go!

Edited July 18, 2015 by The Candidate

[Sarsa333 14]

I worry about it as well. The last time I was a healthy weight was at the age of 10 in 1988. My weight is my identity and the change will be life changing. I'm looking for a good therapist to be part of my health care team and will see a therapist for the rest of my life. I want to be happy. I want a re-do on my lost childhood.

[MarylandCrab 25]

I just had surgery Tuesday and I know exactly what you mean. I have never been a self-hatred person, so I genuinely like myself and my body. I was worried and a little scared of what this will do to me. But what I did hate were some of my behaviors, some of my inhibitions, and all of my health problems. I won't miss them. I think our behaviors will change, but not who we are. We are always the first people to tell others that you should love people for what's on the inside and not on the outside.....I think we should do that for ourselves . Hang in there, friend. Doubts and a little sadness and second guessing are normal!

[red37 116]

I am 7 wks post op and I am definitely not mourning the appearance of me. However, I do feel a since of uneasiness about my social side-going out to eat with friends, going to other's houses for dinner parties, picnics, get togethers. The experience is going to be different for me, because I will not be celebrating the food, and sometimes not eating at all. Food has been a big part of my entire life-birthdays, graduations, family gatherings, holidays, memorials, and food has been just plain social. I have gone out with a friend twice since surgery and it is a bit limiting looking at the menu and not finding anything to eat and not having as many choices. However, it was not a bad experience and I did not feel that overstuffed, I am going to regret this later feeling. I know that I will learn how to hand the social situations, it will just take time!

[Ilikeme 5]

I kind of do. I haven't had my surgery yet, but I lost 28 lbs so far on the weight management. I put on a pair of pants that I bought at Burks Outlet awhile back. They were a little big when I bought them, but because it"s hard to find clothes that I can even get on at a reasonable price, I bought them any way. Well, I put them on, took three steps and was not wearing them anymore. I started wailing like a list waif. My daughter came in and said, "MOM! What's wrong?"

"My pants fell off," I told her.

"Mom," she said. " That's a good thing. Isn't it"

"No!" I wailed again. "I'm losing me, and on top of that, I can't keep buying new clothes." I sobbed, then cried out, "I'm going to be naked."

The thought of losing all that weight terrifies me. I have always been the "fluffy Nana" (grandkids words) that my grandkids melted into for comfort, the giver of soft, fluffy, hugs. Who will I be now?

Also, and this is total vanity on my part, I have always looked nearly ten years younger than I am. After the surgery, I'm afraid I'll look every bit of my age, and then some.