11 days away - anxious/nervous/scared

[jdc121975 63]

I waited for this surgery now for nearly 2 years and this was after dedicating a year plus to getting qualified 5 years earlier only to be denied due to the immense amount of "hoops". Now I've gotten to the finish line so to say and I've got more emotions creeping up as the day nears and the classes and appointments add in details.

Well I've never seen so many different methods to one procedure in my life. Can eat this, can't eat that. This portion that portion. Protein supplements, no protein supplements. Sex after 6 weeks, sex after a week or two, sex when you can tolerate it. Straws vs. no straws. I mean you look online and there's a different approach to the "post operative" eating for as many places that conduct the surgery.

How is this helpful?

Protein first? Love this idea since I love meat, fish, and chicken.

But 60-70 grams of protein isn't coming from 12 - 16 ounces of meats, eggs, fish, yogurt, etc in a day but I'm told by my facility that protein supplements are a no go (but their dietician says 4oz is ok as a meal replacement) - so not sure why I read other facilities encourage 8oz of Protein Drinks 30 minutes after meals and mine is conflicted between nurse and dietician on use of it at all.

A month ago I was 350 pounds, I'm down to 323 by increasing activities, lowering portions, and eliminating most carbs during the pre operative diet. It's not been easy but I feel it's best to listen and do as I'm told by the facility that's doing the surgery. I'm just so tossed on when to "not listen".

I enjoy Protein Shakes and during Syntrax Nectar zero carb ones that give me 56 grams of protein to 16oz of Water. I'd say that's a massive PLUS as I've already got to consume 64oz of clear fluids so wouldn't this be a positive for any one of these surgeries?

And when it comes to straws vs. cups for drinking due to "air" give me a break. I have tested this theory for months now and unless your gulping the air (like some kids do to force burping) then neither approach adds more or less air to the belly. Now true I'm no scientist or surgeon but it's the same feeling either way i drink. So why the straw requirement? What proof do they have that more air comes into the stomach with a straw vs. without?

Yes I'm a "proof" guy. I need to see it to believe it or at the very least be shown an example or two that makes sense.

Sex.

Well I'm a guy, so I honestly can't see how ANYTHING besides incision pain could affect sex. I mean I'm not talking rough, throw around, animalistic, multiple partner, drunk, 50 shades of grey, sex.....I'm talking married with children, we have finally got the kids to bed, I had a long day sex.

So why the blanket 6 weeks answer I was given?

Why the range of when your feeling up to it all the way to 8 weeks post operative?

And the drainage tube. Well I'm NO GOOD with blood. And in the teaching class I went to it was explained that some people go home with this and need to empty it. Screw that, doesn't insurance cover home care nurses to come empty that stuff and check for issues? When does buying a new car require me to physically change the oil and transmission Fluid?

Man when I'm nervous or anxious I ramble and when I'm scared I tend to analyze, so about now I'm going into a a combination of asking, talking, and answering all in the same sentences when I'm around people.

I'm used to laughing off pain and hiding behind joking and kidding around when I am uncomfortable. I've never really been me. I never felt like "me" was what people would like to be around.

I feel trapped in my own body. I always have. I have always rather stay away from people then to work so hard to hide how uncomfortable I was around them. I was always great at that though, no one has ever realized how fake I was. But the real me, the true me, the big guy who still remembers being an 8 year old in Sears with his mom being told i needed the "husky" pants well that person has been hidden pretty well.

Gosh can't believe I wrote that.

Can't believe I'm scared to have this surgery, but scared to fall asleep and forget to have a CpAp mask on too. Scared I'll forget I took my insulin and take too much. Scared now that I'll eat too much and give myself a heart attack,my it scared after surgery I'll eat too much and vomit or have dumping.

I've weighed the risks out, I really have and I KNOW this surgery is my last hope and my best option. Being analytical intend to really look at every choice and resulting tree from those choices. I've heard some people in my lifetime state how racism is the worst thing in the world because it demoralizes and is easily passed on thru generations from a racist parent to their child. Well while I agree that racism is horrible, i believe obesity is even easier to pass down to our children.

I am a fat, over eating dad who watches TV and plays video games most of the time because it's easy to do and my weight has made me so uncomfortable in social settings. Because it's easier to eat more while at home close to the food. Therefore my young kids play video games and watch TV, and eat junk too. I push them to eat healthy but they see dad. They see mom too. They do as we do. I'm going to risk it all to have these doctors tip the odds in my favor so my kids start seeing daddy going for walks, volunteering at their school, swimming when we go to a hotel, eating smaller and healthier portions, and sure I'll still watch TV and game (but less time and not while eating - drinking water surely lol).

I'm hoping when I go to bed at night that I can put my arm around my wife without a hose attached to my face. I hope that the pills I take are limited to Vitamins and I can eliminate the diabetic medication. I even hope that no matter how much exercise I add into my life that I can eliminate the workout I go thru to shower, all the lifting of the belly and reaching for areas that have become harder and harder to reach as my arms must have shrunk (lol) over the years. Yes humor as tears start to swell in my eyes. Humor to try and hide the pain I feel daily when I realize my stomach has reached a point where my arm length is barely long enough to wipe my own @ss. When I reach a new level of humiliation because my male parts are buried in a mound of fat and only usable when I'm aroused. Peeing has become a drop and hold then wipe so it stays clean. I feel like my bathroom routine has become more like a woman's than a mans. All this hidden inside me, feelings that fat has overtaken me.

Yes I'm anxious for the next 11 days, I'm certainly nervous of what's to come during the surgery and after, and I'm scared. I'm scared something will go wrong, something will prevent the, from doing it, I'm scared I will screw it up afterwards, I'm scared I'm too weak, I'm scared I'll get thinner and I'm scared that I won't.

But I want to live healthier, thinner, and pass on better eating and excessive habits to my children. They more than anyone deserve their dad to be there for them in the best way possible.

11 days and counting. My daughter of 8 years old wants to go on a Rollercoaster with daddy, she wants her daddy to be able to fit on one so bad, she wants to show her daddy how brave she is......

Her daddy looks forward to it.

[FrankinTexas 58]

Thanks for posting this! So well said! My nerves are also starting to get to me. I am scheduled for July 27th. We can do this!!

[Dibaby44 63]

This is going to be so wonderful for you. My advice is just follow what your doc says. Also the limit on sex part is because you will have all these incisions inside you healing. This surgery is major. They also limit you to picking up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 4 weeks. Worst thing you could do is pull those stuches and have to go back into surgery. Maybe 6 weeks is a bit long but people heal at different rates. Anyways trust me sex will not be on your mind for awhile. Also the drain does suck. Its so gross. But its just for a week and easy to change yourself. But in my opinion the worst part of the whole ordeal. Dont be dumb like me and put your hand on the tubing as your trying to get up. Ouch!! Really though this surgery was made for you. Please keep posting. It will be exciting to hear from you when you get on that roller coaster.

[jdc121975 63]

Oh my god I think I worry more about that drainage tube than I do the surgery, the Water consumption, the loss of jelly Beans, or even saying goodbye to the salesperson at the big and tall store for ever....

That tube, and the little Grenade thing on the end freak me out more than anything.

But I'm officially 9 days away from waking up after surgery with it on my waist like a temporary pager, yup I'm that old. Well luckily I barely recall corded phones and never used a rotary dial... Okay off topic for a brief second there but heck at least that was a second I wasn't thinking about this drain.

I'm normally really good at focusing on one thing, but I see so many things fly through my head as this surgery closes in on itself. Wondering if the 64oz of Water is a pain to drink after a year or two or does it get easier? I have no issue drinking that much now, but heck I can do that in 10 minutes now, it's the carrying around a bottle all day that I fret doing. I mean there are some circumstances in my day where it would just require a 3rd hand.

I imagine myself following the wife through the mall holding all her bags, the kids hand, my empty wallet, and wearing a beer hat with two bottles of water hooked up to it and a straw (oops straws not allowed lol) to keep sipping on that water......please please Goddess Sheba I need a hand.

Seriously though, does the "always be sipping" rule extend for life or is it easier to get in the water around quicker down the road?

That's my question for today.

Well unless someone knows if insurance will sometimes cover a home care nurse after surgery if I need to go home with drainage tube.

Congrats to all that have come out on the other side and best wishes to us waiting for our day.

[karencaper 12]

I am 3 years post op and this is the most honest real post I have ever read. With exception to the "Man part" , you hit every nail on the head of reality and true worries many/most people fear. Including my own.

My friend you have 2 things needed for success - passion and courage. With those 2 you will get thru this and shine on the other side of surgery.

The tube. My worst fear. Apparently I have a low tolerance for pain....

I didn't want something hanging out of my body and draining !!!

There was no pain where it's going in. There are little pieces of surgical tape covering where it goes in. Don't look at that part! They will show u how to drain it. When u see that junk come out u will be glad it's not staying in!! When they finally remove it. It's quick and feels like a Water hose coming out but NOT painful. No bleeding. 1 word of advice. They should provide a large safety pin. Keep it pinned to you underpants or something. When moving around and standing DO NOT DROP the drain. It's shorter than the distance from entry to ground. Gravity is not your friend. Hold on to that sucker.

Nutrition and quanties.

I used to try and follow our post group nutritionist and measure and go buy every thing she suggested. One day the SURGEON was our gust speaker and suggested we stop eating meat and go vegan. Huh? I decided to listen to the people in the GROUP as to what worked best for them and became a saner person.

Here's the thing. You are so analytical the post eating style YOU design is going to be perfect for you! Buy high end not cheapo Protein mix. If you have HEB grocery store buy MOOTOPIA milk. Low carb high Protein.

Best broth is Campbell's condensed chicken or beef. It's very rich in flavor.

Quantity - DO NOT GET DISTRACTED or you will eat too much and have to throw up. You have no sense of fullness -ever. Density will fill you up faster as well. Stringy meat is much harsher than ground meat. Forever.

Saliva. Will top off your pouch and drive you to throw up. So don't get distracted by taste or conversation etc. Stay focused and measure portions.

Do not drink 30 min. Before meal or after. Do not drink during. I started drinking with meals and was able to eat 3 times more. NOT GOOD. went back to not drinking and threw up 4 days in a row. I was eating too much. Got my ass back on track.

Dumping. Different things cause different people to dump. Learn yours. Listen to others and go lightly on those things.

My worst surprises - any milk has HIGH sugar Content. Agave nectar. Any mixed drinks. When dining out ask questions about sugar in dishes.

For me, I'm a grazer. I chose this surgery for its CONTROL over me. No going off the wagon or there are cpnsequences.

Sex. I was single until 1 year ago. I'm 51. No sex for 12 years. Now I'm a BEAST. freedom!!!! Your day us coming my friend. Take it easy for a few weeks and look out dear wife. Your self esteem is going to SOAR.

There are so many worries pre surgery but go to group, stay active with forums, make smart decisions for yourself, listen to what folks say and filter for what's best for YOU. Weigh once a week, keep a food journal, take selfies!! And start planning your adventure vacation for early summer 2016. YOU are going to do and be AWESOME.

Karen 350 / 175. 5'11"

[karencaper 12]

Water goes down easier when it's cool and not COLD.

Why so much water?

Prevent dehydration. This is advice they tell Everyone for any procedure and general health.

Makes you feel full.

Helps with bowel movements.

Which is something you will have a lot less of and much denser due to no slippery foods! Take benefiber(unflavored) every day to help with this.

[Dibaby44 63]

Karencaper you are such an inspiration! Im sitting here almost in tears today because my weight isnt dropping. Been the same weight for 5 days. Ive not been good about a few things. You are right. You need courage and passion. Thanks for setting me straight.

[jdc121975 63]

Omg Karen. Ty so much for that response, it was probably one of the most detailed and honest rundowns I've heard to date.

I did have my final "before surgery" meet with the surgeon yesterday. He relaxed my mind a bit as he told me with my pre op weight loss of 40 pounds and a week to go he won't be using a urinary cath, also that the drainage thing he removes prior to leaving hospital unless it's a rare situation.

First time ever I got a report of my lean muscle, BMI, and fat percentages and was shown with my lean muscle being 161 pounds of my current body that my weight possibility is about 190 - 200 as long as I don't allow that muscle to drop - keep moving and Protein coming in.

I realized after leaving the surgeons office that there were questions that may not have been so important to me because I forgot to ask them when I had his ear. When will I be able to ride a Rollercoaster was just never on my mind when I was there, because in the end as this date gets closer that's just so far at the bottom of the list of need to know that I will think to ask after surgery maybe.

They took me off insulin as of yesterday as well, only on lisinopril for kidneys and metformin for diabetes currently and internist told me there's a solid chance I can expect both those gone post op as well!!!!!! I'll take that in exchange for some pain and Vitamins.

I'm still scared, I'm dying one way or the other on that table on the 28th at 12:30 PM. THIS man will cease to be here when I wake up in recovery, a NEW life will have been awarded to me. It feels strange to think about it this way, even scarier to some that I've told this to, but how else can one describe 39 years of food being the primary focus and eating bing the thing I was the best at doing and going thru this surgery to have food become the least important thing and eating becoming the thing I'll be the worst at.

My kids are 8 and 5 and although they've gained some bad eating choices from their dad, they haven't gained weight like some kids - blessed as i feel to have thinner children I feel more blessed to have the opportunity to make an example going forward on what are the better choices food and exercise wise for them.

And when I drop to 200 pounds I'm gonna grab them each up at one time and walk down the block, just to remember what it felt like to walk around with an extra 80-100 pounds (I'll have to borrow the neighbors kid to remember what an extra 150 pounds felt like)

Focus and drive and just stubborn enough to make sure this happens the right way.

[The Candidate 3,215]

@@jdc121975

Wow. That was such an incredible soul rendering write up of your life as it is now, and your life as you hope it to be. And like your daughter, I too hope "daddy" gets the chance to fit into and ride a roller coaster some day.

Your post really struck a cord, and tapped into a deep place in my heart, and probably every other hopeful pre op's as well. If you aren't already in the field of writing, I hope you give it some serious consideration. There are thousands upon thousands of posts made here daily. But it's that rare diamond in the rough, the raw epiphany of an exposed emotion, that has the ability to stay with a reader long after the words have come to an end. Your post is definitely one of those. Thank you for allowing us the honor of sharing it.

I probably can't alleviate your apprehension on drains, except to say that they serve a vital purpose. I had the choice of three different surgeons in my bariatric group. I purposely chose the only one who uses drains. I've never had a drain before either. In fact I've never even had surgery before. And like you, I'm not looking forward to the experience. But, I feel much better knowing that if there is a leak of some sort, it will be leaking on the outside of my body, not the inside.

Seat belts are standard on cars because accidents happen, and utilizing them increases your chances of survival. Sure, there are plenty of people who go throughout their life unbuckled, and never even get into a fender bender. But is the chance of being that one lucky guy really a risk worth taking when it involves your life? It's worth a little extra inconvenience or pain in my book to have drains. An ouch of prevention is worth a pound of cure as they say.

Good luck!

Edited July 22, 2015 by The Candidate

[395Ron 396]

jdc121975 thank you so much for your post! It is amazing how my arms have shrunk. In fact my best friend gave me a nickname of Tyrannosaurus Rex and I feel that way in everything I do and don't do anymore.

I too am extremely analytical so I feel your pain there as well. When I first began looking into bariatric surgery I immediately bought 15 books on it and began analyzing what I needed to do. I couldn't understand how they could call the surgery a success if I got down to 250 pounds. At 5' 8'' I would still be obese at 250 pounds. Then I saw a picture of a healthy liver and then an obese guys fatty liver and finally his liver after he lost a lot of weight but was still in the obese category and it looked like the health liver. The light bulb came on then and I realized what they meant.

God how I hated the word "Husky" and yes at 52 I did use those rotary phones lol. Without video games I wouldn't be social at all after work.

My new surgery date isn't until 6 October since I didn't want it to interfere with Special Olympic kids I teach Golf to. I can't get out on the Golf course anymore but I can teach them the putting, chipping, and driving skills part. Hope I didn't ramble too much.

You have 6 more days before you bust out of your Clark Kent outfit and become the "Super Man" and Dad that is just waiting his turn. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the next 6 days and I look forward to hearing about life and your many successes on the other side.

Edited July 22, 2015 by 395Ron

[karencaper 12]

Dibaby44 do t be discouraged because I promise the weight will keep dropping.

I can say don't be hard on yourself when you slip or slow down but I know we can only conquer those feelings with our own personal passion and courage. Which I believe you DO have! food is an addiction and it will always be lurking in the dark. When it shows its head and you slip you HAVE NOT failed. Dust it off and carry on. This choice of rearranging our guts requires us to pay attention.

Be proud of your decision. Be hopeful for good health and new joys in life. Found and the ones to be discovered.

you are on the right path!!

[karencaper 12]

You are very welcome jdc121975. I'm like you - want all the details and the plan!!!

Great news the dr eased your mind! Catheter scared me too but they put in when you're asleep. Wake up and guess what? You don't gave to get out of bed to go to toilet! Oh wait! You're a dude so that wouldn't be a problem.

Roller coaster was NOT possible for years but it was on my "Conquer List".

We now have MEMBERSHIPS to Six Flags and I ride everything unless it makes me barfy.

I was able to fit at 250 and I'm 5'11".

Great news about meds!!!

The only thing I have problems with is high BP. Dangit.

I cannot agree with you more about the operating table changing you and THIS man ceasing. You are right.

Things I've learned or had to practice!

Society just looks at me as "normal". Not the big sweaty girl with the constant red face. Not the girl they hope they don't get sat next to on the plane. Not the girl they have to make extra room coming down the hall. Not the girl who might break that chair. Not the girl who should NOT order that food. Just normal.

So I've learned to look at people. Speak up. Chat. Not try to be invisible. Get out! Participate! Engage. Normal.

[karencaper 12]

One more thing. (Surprise)

Don't forget or hide this good man. but do consider mourning the loss of the husky man. He has had many pains and fears over the years. Love him but don't forget or be mad at him. Forgive him and love him.

[onestepfwd 3]

I was told 4 weeks no sex . And I am 8 days post op and it was the best thing I have ever decided to go through for myself!! Don't go crazy with all the information the hospital is pretty great of prepping you of what to expect when you go home! Good luck!

[jdc121975 63]

@@onestep I was thinking that same thing actually. 3 days in a controlled environment where I can get used to the amounts and feel safe that if there is an issue, it will be addressed. So many of you touched my heart just now, and with tears filling my eyes I click each virtual key on my iPad thinking how blessed we all are in this day and age when we can get a second chance to be the people we know inside we should be, can be, and want to be. I'm not really sure what stage in the emotional roller coast I am at, kinda feels like the stages of grief to be honest with a twist and turn here and there.

Interesting story though, going to run off topic a bit, I ordered a stationary bike. Well it came in yesterday - Proform for $299 nothing special just something I wanted so I can exercise after surgery even if I can get outside due to weather. Wisconsin isn't Texas or Florida or even California - we get cold, freezing cold. And when it's not cold it's humid and when it's not humid it's well raining. We do get a good sunny day here and there but who's counting. Well here I am assembling this bike and come to find some issues with it, missing washer, etc. nothing I couldn't muscle thru if I had to. But I email the company to let them know. Guess what happened. I get an email and then a call and spoke to a very nice guy and I explained to him I just wanted to make sure I had this set up before my surgery. In a 30 minute conversation he came to the conclusion he couldn't fix the current bike since the biggest issue was a bent part where the seat post went. He also let me know the best bike for me now with back issues and being over their 250 limit for the bike I had would be a different bike. Well the final SAME DAY solution is they are sending me bike that retails for $1299 at no additional cost, I can keep the one I have since they don't take them back if damaged they just say use for parts or junk (so gonna have a friend grind post down, AND he said since it won't arrive until after my surgery he's notated I can call and they will send someone to assemble the new one for me!

NOW THATS CUSTOMER SERVICE!

So I may be the most open person I know, talking to a complete stranger and talking about kids and surgery etc.....but people seem to listen.

I wish everyone here the best - I'm less than a week away now, and things are "sane" for the moment.