To do surgery or not to do?

[beccaconaty87 52]

I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are aged 8, 7, & 5. My struggle with weight gain came after having my first child. With my first child I gained about 15 pounds. Not too bad. But when my second child came I got preeclampsia. U swelled up and retained a bunch of Water. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy. Then 13 months after that pregnancy I got pregnant again. So the weight just kept piling on top of weight. My weight before my first pregnancy was a hundred and fifty pounds I am now topping the scales at 324 pound. Throughout my pregnancies and weight gain I developed a few medical conditions. I have fibromyalgia, GERD, and PCOS. The doctor has tried to put me on several medications. I was told that metformin would help with the PCOS and help me with weight loss. However taking it for a couple weeks I developed major headaches. I felt sick all the time. So I stopped taking it. I tried losing weight on my own going to the gym and eating healthy. I would lose about 20 pounds and then couldn't lose anymore. If I could do it on my own I would but I feel that I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm not going to achieve losing almost 180 pounds. Gosh it's mind-boggling just to think about how much I have to lose. I am only 27 years old. I want to get healthy and I want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking around in a fat suit. But the thing is I can't take it off at the end of the day it's always with me. I'm tired of laying around in bed all day watching TV and stuffing my face. I'm tired of not getting out and enjoying my kids. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an embarrassment to my kids when taking them to school functions or being out in public. Now my 8 year old daughter who should weigh about 70 pounds weighs a hundred and ten pounds. I worry about her every day. I don't want her to feel the way I feel and I don't want her to be bullied or made fun of. I know I need to do the weight loss surgery but I'm so scared. What if I don't lose the weight? what if die? What if I get a serious blood clot? What if I get too skinny and unhealthy that I look sick? What if I can't enjoy the holidays and my grandmas awesome cooking because everything makes me sick? Then I'm faced with the question do I do the gastric bypass or do I do the sleeve? I've heard the pros and cons of both. I thought I was set on gastric bypass but after having a support group meeting I started to question whether or not the sleeve would be a good idea. I need help. Which one do I do? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to come out alive? Are my kids going to have a mother? Am I going to be sicker after the surgery than before the surgery? Or is god going to watch over me in every step that I take and everything will end up perfect? Will I be healthy? Will I lose the weight? Will I be able to enjoy my life again? So many questions please help. All advice is welcome.

[Camella 209]

I can relate to you so well! You are far too young to have so many health issues and to be concerned about your longevity for your children. I was exactly the same. Pre-diabetic, PSOC (although I didn't know it at the time), I struggled to keep up with my young son and I felt like I would probably die by the time I was 50. I was terrified to have surgery and terrified about what life might be like if I didn't. It is not impossible to lose the amount of weight you need to lose on your own, but statistically the odds are highly stacked against you. If I were you (and only you can decided what is best for you) I would have the surgery in a heart beat. It is life changing in the best possible way. It has been two years since my surgery and I don't even remember who the morbidly obese person I use to be was. I now run three times a week and swim twice a week. I have an active social life (I use to hide away). I have a great job/career that I may not have had, if I hadn't lost weight. If you have the opportunity to have surgery, I would jump at the chance. It has been a gift for me!

Edited July 17, 2015 by Camella

[beccaconaty87 52]

Thank you for responding to my post. Every time I get good feedback it makes my decision that much easier. My insurance company has already approved the surgery and I'm scheduled for February. That gives me plenty of time to get my head in the right mindset. I'm also going to do some counseling to help me prepare for this life changing experience.

[skyjones 40]

I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are aged 8, 7, & 5. My struggle with weight gain came after having my first child. With my first child I gained about 15 pounds. Not too bad. But when my second child came I got preeclampsia. U swelled up and retained a bunch of Water. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy. Then 13 months after that pregnancy I got pregnant again. So the weight just kept piling on top of weight. My weight before my first pregnancy was a hundred and fifty pounds I am now topping the scales at 324 pound. Throughout my pregnancies and weight gain I developed a few medical conditions. I have fibromyalgia, GERD, and PCOS. The doctor has tried to put me on several medications. I was told that metformin would help with the PCOS and help me with weight loss. However taking it for a couple weeks I developed major headaches. I felt sick all the time. So I stopped taking it. I tried losing weight on my own going to the gym and eating healthy. I would lose about 20 pounds and then couldn't lose anymore. If I could do it on my own I would but I feel that I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm not going to achieve losing almost 180 pounds. Gosh it's mind-boggling just to think about how much I have to lose. I am only 27 years old. I want to get healthy and I want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking around in a fat suit. But the thing is I can't take it off at the end of the day it's always with me. I'm tired of laying around in bed all day watching TV and stuffing my face. I'm tired of not getting out and enjoying my kids. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an embarrassment to my kids when taking them to school functions or being out in public. Now my 8 year old daughter who should weigh about 70 pounds weighs a hundred and ten pounds. I worry about her every day. I don't want her to feel the way I feel and I don't want her to be bullied or made fun of. I know I need to do the weight loss surgery but I'm so scared. What if I don't lose the weight? what if die? What if I get a serious blood clot? What if I get too skinny and unhealthy that I look sick? What if I can't enjoy the holidays and my grandmas awesome cooking because everything makes me sick? Then I'm faced with the question do I do the gastric bypass or do I do the sleeve? I've heard the pros and cons of both. I thought I was set on gastric bypass but after having a support group meeting I started to question whether or not the sleeve would be a good idea. I need help. Which one do I do? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to come out alive? Are my kids going to have a mother? Am I going to be sicker after the surgery than before the surgery? Or is god going to watch over me in every step that I take and everything will end up perfect? Will I be healthy? Will I lose the weight? Will I be able to enjoy my life again? So many questions please help. All advice is welcome.

Hello I haven't had surgery yet but in the process. I have 7 kids so I know how u feel I'm 32 288 I use to be a cheerleader thought I would never be a fatty huh look at me now. But I think like this if I or you don't change are life now how much longer do u have or I have how much longer is out hearts going to pump with all the weight on it holding it down. I understand your fears but u have to change your thinking get the surgery because u taking a chance everyday so why not take a chance at a better,healthier life an then u can work out with the kids do way more things then sitting at home eating and making your bmi go up even more think about it what's the chances of you gaining more weight and dying a obese person like myself. I thought about all of them things u named an then one day my kids start asking questions like why u not doing stuff with us why u don't play with us mom why u so big think about it. Sorry if I'm being harsh but I want us all to be healthy

[madferitchick 163]

Hi there, your post struck a chord with me due to your 'fat suit' reference! I feel/felt exactly the same and I am no six weeks out from surgery. You can read about my journey in taking off my fat suit here if you want http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/339330-taking-off-my-fat-suit/

[James Marusek 5,244]

If you have GERD, then you will probably be advised to have gastric bypass (RNY).

[Bandista 7,466]

Electing to have weight loss surgery was, for me, choosing myself first and my healthy future. It changed everything for me and I only wish I had done it sooner. I could not lose weight without it -- well, I could, I could lose a lot of weight, but then I'd put it back on with even more each time. A vicious cycle that wore down my self-esteem and my health.

I am some one who benefitted from seeing a therapist. I wanted an objective third party to go through the process with me. It wasn't like I hadn't done a lot of work on my self already (I'm in my fifties) but this time it was different. For me surgery was a huge decision -- I had never even been an overnight patient in a hospital before. Plus I was admitting that I really could not lose the weight on my own and needed intervention. And I had to confront my worthiness as well as fears that it might not work, etc. we also broke down my triggers -- the ways I'd reward myself with food or prep for something I didn't want to do by eating, or tamping down my emotions with food. We got very specific and even though before surgery I couldn't really stop al of those things, I allowed myself to notice them, to acknowledge the behavior.

Know that whatever surgery you and your doctor decide is right for you, you are choosing yourself. You are going to have a blast with those kids. Best wishes to you!

[jane13 2,256]

@beccaconaty87 make your decision, FOR you. You have to change because like you have read here WLS is ONLY a tool.

Please think about your family's diet as well as your own while you prep for surgery. I am referring to your statement about your 8 y/o. I know I won't get any "likes" for this but the whole family needs to get on board with you and it will be beneficial to all of you. An eight y/o weighing 110 is going to be picked on - I had 2 of 5 kids who were like that and I now its not easy but help your children learn to eat right now and they hopefully won't be a WLS patient

[The Candidate 3,215]

Your story has a familiar ring to all of us here, I'm sure. And you are asking the same questions we've all had to consider as well. I can't make the decision for you or give you any promises that any of your fears won't become reality, as that's a risk we all have to weigh individually.

I've been considering weight loss surgery for years. And after deciding to proceed, it took another year to get through the approval process (everyone's is different), and now my surgery is less than two weeks away. I can honestly say at this point, I personally have no more doubts or questions, because I've spent this entire last year researching until my fingers bled from typing, talking to post ops, going on forums, classes, seminars, you name it and I've done it. Information is the key.

I would encourage you to do the same. And I think it's great that you are considering this at a young age. I'm 54 and have been fat nearly my entire life. I wish I could have those early years back, but I'm bound and determined to get the most out of the years I have left, by losing the weight and regaining my health!

Good luck on your journey. I wish you well!

[AngelaWilliamsMD 290]

I'm a fellow PCOS sister. Despite the amount of weight you have to lose, it's going to be even harder due to our condition alone. I suggest you speak to a bariatric surgeon, but having the gastric sleeve was one of the best things I've ever done. Emotionally speaking, it helped me gain control of my body again.

Your story weighs in heavily on my heart. I was 29 at the time of my surgery...we have much more living to do!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I don't have time to reply now... but marking it so I remember to follow up!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Although my kids are grown, as a mom I can understand your fears for your kids in alot of ways. Your chances of "something" going very wrong during surgery and afterwards are minimal, but " something" is going wrong with your unhealthy body every. single. day. 24/7. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollar's. .................Do not live a happy, healthy life and set a good example for your kids..........etc...........etc.......... How about looking at WLS with all the possible positives , instead of the possible negatives ? Being banded was the best decision ever, I live a happier, healthier life every day. My only regret is that I didnt do it sooner ! I would of been one of those healthy moms running around with her kids, instead I was too tired and overweight most of the time ! So if you can change things for the better NOW, do it ! Good luck !!!

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@beccaconaty87

Hi there and welcome! I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to this site. Honestly I don't know what I would have done without my Bariatric Pal family. They have helped me so many times when I had had questions or simply wanted to rant a little bit.

There is one regret I have had regarding weight loss surgery and that is I wish I would have been brave enough to do this in my twenties.

I was scared for all the reasons you listed. Instead I kept moving forward with yo yo dieting and adding more weight along the way.

In the process I developed high blood pressure high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, Gerd, sleep apnea, stage 3 kidney disease. I have severe arthritis of my spine and have had now 5 surgeries to deal with that. My knees are bad, my hips are bad and I suffered from severe Migraines. All of this was a direct result of being obese. I carried an extra 150lbs around for 25 years.

I truly believe that having this surgery gave me my life back. I am down 111 lbs in just 9 months. all of my comorbitities have resolved but the damage to my spine is done and cannot be undone.

If you do this for yourself, be brave and do your research. It really will give you that time back with your kids as well.

Please feel free to reach out with questions. I suspect like others you will likely to told to go the bypass route because it will cure your Gerd where the other surgeries may make that worse. You only want to go through this type of surgery once.

[dhrguru 1,238]

What helped me with my decision to have the surgery was involving my kids (ages 11 & 12) and making them aware of what would change for me, confirm *nothing* would change for them etc. They are the BEST supporters and made the decision so much easier. (My hubby is great too, but the kids inquire more, just naturally curious.) You'd have to gauge how open you could be with your kids, but it was a great motivator for me.

You already know the the end effect of what will happen if you decide not to (or IS happening), you feel badly about yourself, what you eat, how people view you, how YOU view you. So it more of the same. Are you willing to accept that? I too was concerned coming out of surgery 'sicker' than I was going in-- for that I had to trust truths I know about my body... I heal well/fast, manage pain well, I never have complications, and have have a "stomach of steel" that rarely give me troubles. You know you best!

Finally-- I vote bypass, but then I'm biased :-)

[beccaconaty87 52]

Pink dahlia thank u for your wonderful advice. I do need to start looking at all the pisitves of wls instead of the negatives. I want to be able to enjoy my kids when they are young so I think right now is the perfect time in my life to have wls. Also we have a Disney land trip planned two year from now and I would love to be able to ride the rides with my kids