Don't Want to Tell Work..but no HR Dept

[byebyebmi 100]

I have my own business, but I also work 35 hours a week as a marketing/front desk manager for a health club. There is a very small administrative staff: two people at the front desk in the gym, two people at the front desk on the physical therapy side, a director over all of us and then owners. I have been very open with my parents, family, boyfriend and best friends but I have decided that I don't want to tell the staff at the gym. It's possible they could be supportive, but since they are all personal trainers and nutritionists I feel like they could be judgmental so I've decided to keep it private until at least a few months afterward.

However, there is no HR department there. The front desk staff on the doctor side, director and owner do all the payroll, time off requests and administrative stuff. I had planned on telling them that I was getting a hiatal hernia repaired (they know that I've been in a lot of pain) but if I have to give someone medical proof and it comes from my WLS doctor it's not going to say Hiatal Hernia.

Is there anything I can do to keep it private? I guess at the end of the day if there's NOTHING I can do I'll just have to hope the owner can keep it private. We're kinda all friends there and hang out a lot. It's a weird situation.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Get your primary care doctor to give you a note off work; it can be on a prescription pad. All it has to say is "surgery date: XX/XX/XX. Off work for two weeks afterwards then half time for one week then full duty thereafter.""

Or however many weeks you want off.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

"I'm having surgery on xx date. My surgeon says I need to be out of work for two weeks. Do you want me to bring you a letter from my surgeon?"

My understanding is that it isn't legal for them to inquire about what kind of surgery you are having, only how long you will be out and that your doctor has approved/required your being out for a certain length of time. After all, what if you were having anal fissures repaired, or a vaginal fistula, or a colostomy? Not that I think any of those things are something to be ashamed of, but they are understandably private -- as are ALL medical decisions.

If they ask what kind of surgery you are having, you can say what you are comfortable with: "gosh, I'm not sure I want to discuss the details of my medical care at work, I thought the law only required that you know I'm having surgery and my surgeon confirms I need to be out?" or "umm, I hate to say this, but it is super embarrassing and I promise you we would both be mortified if I went into details" -- something along those lines. I do not think it is a good idea to outright lie to people at work. That's not going to reflect well on you if the truth comes out -- and the chances are good it will.

When you get a letter from your surgeon, request that it be on no letterhead, or letterhead that doesn't reference bariatric surgery or weight loss. Ask that the letter just say that you are having surgery and need to be out for x number of days, not the type of surgery.

Also be prepared for what you will say if someone flat out asks you if you are having (or had) weight loss surgery. Again, I think your best options are either "I'm not really comfortable discussing the details of my health care at work" or "yes" -- I think flat out lies will catch up to you and diminish you in others' eyes, far more than having the surgery will.

I know this is a tough and tricky issue. Good luck!

PS not trying to give legal advice -- if this is an important issue for you, you may want to research it on your own or consult a lawyer.

PPS I like the idea of having your PCP do it on a prescription pad. Even better than getting a letter from the surgeon!

[fatsolovescandy 37]

Typically physicians' offices do not specify the nature of the procedure for work 'excuses'. In fact, I'm pretty sure that violates HIPAA. I've been tempted to say in having "gastric/GI surgery"--which is vague and could mean anything but could also lead to more questions.

Someone on here mentioned they said they had been having digestive problems for years and were now needing surgery.

Up to you. Although once you start losing tons of weight, they'll also start poking around. Who knows, maybe they'll be incredibly supportive!! Here's hoping for understanding and support!

[byebyebmi 100]

@@fatsolovescandy @@Bufflehead I totally agree that when I come back noticeably lighter and then continue to lose quickly for multiple months it will probably be obvious. And I don't want to lie, some of them have been friends of mine for a few years since we've worked together for awhile. I won't mind telling them the truth once it's over because they have all been trying to get me healthy for awhile and they want what's best for me. Once they see I've found something that's doing such good things for me I expect them to be happy and supportive. It's just that I have been working with the nutritionist there and using the equipment and I feel like if they know beforehand they might have that whole "cop out" attitude since I have a whole gym I can work out at for free. But I've struggled for wayyyy longer than I've known them.

I really like the idea of having something from my primary doctor. That's a great suggestion, thanks!!

[shellyd88 463]

Your disclosure or not is up to you also many bariatric surgeons do not only perform that type of surgery but also general surgery of all types all the ones at my group do other procedures as well as do most surgeons and the law doesn't require u to give details u can be required to have proof from dr that your having surgery on such and such date and will need x amount of time off or x amount of light duty time etc when u return u can be required to go on temp disability until u return you are not required to disclose the exact procedure or reason why that's against the law as for the employer looking down on the reason as u can work out there free ok maybe so but as we all know being overweight or having been there u cannot outwork a diet higher in calories than u burn surgery is a tool many of us need to help us not eat as much I think u have the right idea maybe keeping quiet is good for now I agree tho if asked don't lie you will look like a big donkey but don't take any nonsense or lectures hold your head high and say I needed the help of this tool and be clear it's not up for debate or judgement end of story if they try shut it down politely and say I'm not having this discussion with anyone but my dr thank you