Zero support from family ????

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I haven't told too many people about my decision to have surgery, because I know support isn't going to come from my family period. They are all super morbidly obese and have tons of comorbidities, but they would rather be miserable than to give up their love of super greasy, super fattening foods and soda. My brother already lost his legs to diabetes yet he can't give up full sugar soda. He just keeps going like this and if he doesn't change one day he's going to kill himself, but he says he's rather die then not be able to eat and drink what he wants. It's sad. The whole bunch is like that! They are also the kind who like to sabotage diets to feel better about themselves and rub it in your face that they just ate a triple cheeseburger with onion rings and a chocolate shake and "all you can have is your little itty bitty nothing." My mom used to encourage them all to taunt me as punishment for sneaking food when she was starving me. I'd have to sit there and watch them eat huge heaping plates spilling over with food, while I was sentenced to days without food because I snuck a piece of bread or something.

So knowing how they are, I've chosen to NOT tell them that I'm even having a surgery at all, but to assemble my own "family" of people who can and will support me. I've told my best friend since forever who has watched me struggle and seen how cruel people have been to me because of my weight. She knows my struggle and supports my decision. I told my college roommate who also has had the surgery and is 1yr post op and just reached her goal weight. I've told my kids so they won't be scared about what's going to happen and how things will change. And although my hubby wasn't originally behind the decision, I showed him the stats for someone my size who doesn't get the surgery along with writing him a heart filled letter about my struggle, even the parts I hid from him, like all the diet pills, the binging and purging, etc. and how my clock is ticking down. For instance, for my size, the average life expectancy is about 5-7 yrs before heart attack, or stroke leading to death. That would put our youngest baby at maybe 6yrs old when his mom dies. That's horrible! After he understood that we couldn't "just try one more diet" that this was SERIOUS and not just me trying to get a quick fix with no work, he's been behind my decision.

Maybe you could try either sitting down and talking to your family and tell them all the details about how you got to this point or pour your heart into a letter if it tends to get heated and argumentative. My hubby shut me down or stormed out every time I tried to bring it up, so I did write him a letter and then we talked after he had read it. Include the Myriad of diets, the medications, the pains and co morbidities you have that are dangerously dragging your life expectancy down, the science behind how the surgery works to correct these problems, the statistics on if you don't have surgery and the statistics on if you do. Then just let the emotional walls down and tell them how it hurts to know that they don't support you. Tell them how it feels and don't hold back. If they still can't support you after that, then do what I've done and built your own "family" out of the people who can support you. If all else fails, you always have us here.

[gpmed 623]

I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this.

I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this.

I'm really sorry to hear about this! When I began considering surgery, I was concerned about telling my family cause a lot of them are kind of nutty and not very supportive generally. My mom is an alcoholic, my sister has expressed bigoted views toward overweight people for years, etc. The person I'm closed to and really trust is my dad. He also happens to be a surgeon. I value his opinion on medical topics, so I talked to him first and asked him to keep things between us at first. He totally gets the whole WLS thing and told me he's behind me 100 percent. Months later, he actually agreed to mention it to my other family members first. I asked him to let them know if they made negative comments that they will not sway my decision one bit and I don't want to hear them. I have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate negative comments. So my dad told them and I haven't heard anything negative from anyone but my sister and I shut that down so fast. I'm not walking around with a chip on my shoulder and I'm more than happy to answer questions or field genuine, politely expressed concerns from important people in my life. But with inappropriate comments from anyone, I politely tell them I'm not interested in talking and exit the conversation. I've only had to do this twice. Most people have been great! I'm lucky to have my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend as my greatest cheerleaders in this.

[KensingtonWalk 10]

I am being very cautious about who I tell about this. And my family have been very supportive but others either stare blankly or try to discourage me. It is tough when those we love choose not to support a decision but you are doing this for you and we are all here for you.

[gpmed 623]

Oops! Had trouble posting and accidentally posted three times! Forgive me, I'm new to the forum.

[ejones8979 9]

I have no support either me and my sister used to hand out 24/7 now it's barely twice a month, I don't know she was always the smaller one so when we go out now which is rare and I get attention she gets angry and ignores me

[ejones8979 9]

Hang I mean, everyone is still against it even though I lost weight, I just want to be healthy because I was scared of getting sugar diabetes which all my aunts and my dad who had some of his toes removed due to his health and not taking care of himself, I thought he would be the understanding one but he just a agrees with the rest, even though I lost a ton a weight some of my angry friends or family would be like I don't see the weight loss, I went from 269 to 201 in just a month