Getting Push-back from my kids...need help

[phazer08 15]

I am scheduled by RNY on July 22. I am getting some major concern/lectures from my daughters, ages 30 and 32. One is just concerned with the possible surgical problems and potential complication but she sees is as totally my decision and she'll support me no matter what.

My other daughter, the health nut, is a different story. She is an 'expert' on finding things online to support her views - which include being an anti-vaxxer. She questions anything mainstream medicine. But she is my daughter and I want to address her concerns.

My situation is that I had a lap-band in 2005 when I weighed 245. Did well with it for 5 years, lost down to 170 and was happy with that. Then started having problems with reflux and getting food down and fell into bad food habits. It has been unfilled for over a year and my weight is back to 240...BMI of 35. I originally wanted the sleeve, but the doctor was concerned with my reflux issues as they generally come back to stay with the sleeve. I'm 56.

As far as co-morbidities, my blood sugar levels have been creeping up to the pre-diabetic area. I haven't had a recent sleep study but my husband says I snore a lot more now that I've gained weight. I have high cholesterol. Otherwise, healthy.

So, their concerns:

1. Taking Vitamins for the rest of my life. Health nut says that can't be 'good' that food is the preferred way to get nutrients. She's concerned about the malabsorption issue. I would appreciate any thoughts/input you may have about this.

2. Hypoglycemia - I have had this my entire adult life. It went away during the 5 successful lap band years. But I'm seeing things on this board about episodes of it that can be dangerous. I told them I knew the signs and carried glucose tabs for that reason. What are your experiences with this post-surgery?

3. I'm not "that" fat. C'mon mom, it's not like you can't function. Hubby (their step dad I've been married to for 7 years) still loves you just as you are. It's not like you're 20 and looking for a husband

Granted, this is totally my decision, but I don't want to totally blow off their concerns. Part of the reason I'm doing this is cosmetic...I don't like the way I look. I just can't be 'Melissa McCarthy happy' with my body. The other part is health concerns going forward.

Any input would be appreciated.

[no onions 258]

My opinion --

I'm not sure you're going to be able to alleviate their concerns. It doesn't hurt to try though (if you have the energy/patience for it). Though I already find "Health NUT" wildly out of step and possibly unswayable based on your own comments.

Just lay it all out there (don't mince words) and tell them to hold their questions until you are finished speaking. Tell them to hold any negative comments indefinitely. Have the conversation once, tell them their concerns are noted and their support is expected.

You don't have to rebut everything someone has to say. I'm sure you've had discussions with doctors, nutritionists, etc., and have come to your decision after much consideration.

Oh and sorry... But concern #3 - someone could stfu if that's what was actually said. RUDE.

Edited July 5, 2015 by no onions

[phazer08 15]

I hear you on #3. But their mental picture of someone who needs this surgery is just skewed.

And we did have the 'lay it out there' conversation today. Conference call with the 3 of us. I listened, told them I heard what they were saying. Told them I'd look into their specific concerns. Which is why the questions #1 & #2.

They aren't going to change my mind. I'm just looking for some answers to put their mind at ease.

Yeah...Health Nut. Went from being my wild child in high school to like this uber granola mom.

[red37 116]

About the vitamins-have you been eating all the recommended amount of Vitamins in your current diet (with just the foods you have been eating)-probably not. I hate taking Vitamins, but I can really tell the difference now that I take them daily, even just in my skin and nails-they look so much better, nails so much stronger too. I would venture there is not enough scientific, peer reviewed research (not just some opinion article) to show that taking vitamins is not good for you!

My surgeon gave me a statistic that I found to be very helpful-something like people who have the surgery live 12-15 years longer than those who continue in the obese lifestyle.

[TXMissy 211]

So I completely understand. My husband was very unsure of where to stand.

My mom has and still is the biggest obstacle. She is very unsupportive. She doesn't understand the struggle I have been through my whole life. Often telling me how bad my breathing was or asking what size I was in now. Knowing that my cholesterol was cobstantly increasing, my np rising, my sugar at nearly diabetic levels, my thyroid not producing, etc. seeing the weight fall off I think she is starting to come around we shall see.

My cousin. Where do I start. Perhaps my toughest critic. She is a body figure champ. Much like a body builder. She didn't want me to have surgery at all. She has given me Protein shakes, Vitamins, diets, exercise plans and meal plans. I have done them all, sometimes gaining weight. I've been accused of not trying from her. She has been a perfect size 0 her entire life. She doesn't know the struggle at all. I just steer away from her because her comments have really killed me.

My coworkers have been my biggest fans. I didn't expect it. They are constantly checking to make sure I'm drinking my Water, that I am moving (walking, getting up to file) and making sure that I am feeling good. One of my coworkers probably needs the surgery more than I did. She perhaps has built the strongest relationship through this. Hitting every little milestone she sees as a victory. They are all telling me how great I look. Asking how I feel. I love it.

I think the biggest part of my journey is having a support system, I don't know if I would have made through the first few weeks had I not had my coworkers. They have become more like sisters to me. My husband is coming around. I'm very impressed that it has motivated him as well. He has put down the dr. Pepper, cut back on his eating, even started walking with me. He has had positive results. I would definitely find a local support group. Attend the meetings, I think you will find you are not alone.

[phazer08 15]

Thanks...I appreciate the encouraging words. TX Missy...where are you in Texas? I'm in Waco and there is no bariatric surgeon at all here. I'm having the surgery in Dallas at Barker Bariatric. Maybe I can find an online support group.

I hadn't really thought about my co-workers and haven't told anyone other than my boss. I'll have to think on that.

[Soexcited 64]

Phazer, I'm in a similar boat. I got my band in 09 got to 185 and i was thrilled and happy. I gained back due to eating the wrong things that wiuld slide through to feel satisfied. Now Im at 220 happily married no co morbidly issues and thinking about bypass. My husband's against it, because its not like the band where i can just take it out if something goes wrong. It scares me too but I'm really thinking about it. So I have got the same hubbie issue. We have been together 15 years hes my life, my love and I need his support!

[Soexcited 64]

Oh and I just turned 50!

[dml77 69]

Thanks...I appreciate the encouraging words. TX Missy...where are you in Texas? I'm in Waco and there is no bariatric surgeon at all here. I'm having the surgery in Dallas at Barker Bariatric. Maybe I can find an online support group.

I hadn't really thought about my co-workers and haven't told anyone other than my boss. I'll have to think on that.[/quot

I live Temple, Tx. My dad and step mom are totally against it. They wanted to "talk" to me about it. To say the least, it was not fun. I was upset and decided that I was not going to talk about with them. I have to live with my body and I believe a gastric sleeve is a tool I can use to change my life. Hang in there, you are not alone.

[TXMissy 211]

I am in the Houston area. I am fortunate that there are several local groups to go to. there is so much support here as well. Please feel free to message me if you have questions.