You've changed since you had the surgery

[leag78 469]

Okay so I'm excited about getting out of the 3s and into the 2s, and as I stated plenty of times I still have a long way to go. My doctor's goal for me is 180. So of course I'm excited that I'm my journey is going great so far. I try and share my success with my family and my brother says, "I bet when you lose weight you're gonna act like you're all that, because of how you're acting right now." I asked how am I acting and he said, "your excited about losing weight, but you're only losing weight because you had the surgery."

So of course I have words with him because I'm sick of people thinking that just cause you had surgery means you are taking "the easy way out." This is clearly not easy. So when I told him this, he says, "you've changed since you had the surgery. Is it really that hard to lose weight on your own?" Now my brother is obese. He weighs over 300 lbs, and I'm like he should understand how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. I can't tell you how many diets he's gone on. I just don't get it. You can't even be proud of your accomplishment without getting a negative comment from someone...WOW IS ALL I GOTTA SAY!!!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

You were seriously expecting high-fives from someone who will feel better about himself only if you fail?

You're never gonna get an "Attagirl!" from him.

Don't even bother.

[Babbs 14,681]

It's jealousy. Plain and simple. Hopefully you will inspire him to do something about his weight.

Haters gonna hate.

[shellyd88 463]

exactly you kind of need to be your own main cheerleader it's funny how people who had cut me out stopped inviting me etc are now suddenly interested in my life again it makes me sick to think that now that I'm losing weight I'm suddenly an acceptable and worthy person? that's ok though I don't forget how people treated me I say thank you etc and I keep walking I wasn't good enough before now I can't make room for those kinds of people in my life

[sharonintx 1,275]

I think Babbs is right on the money. There will always be somebody who cannot stand it if someone else makes changes for the better.

Don't worry about it. Life is too short.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree with everyone so far. The rub is that he is your brother so there is probably a lot of history and sibling rivalry going on.

I would encourage you to set strong boundaries and treat him with kindness. Since he is family this is probably a relationship you would want to save so seeing a counselor or therapist might help give you some strategies for dealing with him.

Families are complicated. I wish you all the best.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I agree with everyone on this post. I might suggest if he brings it up again and uses the why couldn't you lose without the help of this tool that you look him directly in his eyes and gently ask him the same question.

Then inform him that obesity is a disease and must be treated medically to have long term success. Most of us including your brother have probably lost more than a hundred pounds. Unfortunately none of us were able to keep the weight off.

This tool really is about long term maintenance. Surgery has made it easier to continuously lose the weight. It requires an entire lifestyle change long term to keep that weight off.

The thing is, it's hard to have this discussion when one is not ready to hear it. And it is best not to have an argument about it but more of a conversation.

Good luck on your weight loss, it sounds like you are doing fantastic!

Don't let your brother drag your progress down. Just remember he himself has the same disease and at some point you might be able to help him.

[Butterflyhigh 504]

It's sad when someone feels so badly about themselves that they judge, criticize, and condem another person for making their own good choices.

My mother is this way. It's almost like...she can't stand to be near someone who has done/looks/achieved better than her. I think she feels like standing close to them shines a light on her failings and flaws.

The only thing I can do to cope with a toxic family member is to feel compassion for them. Trying to truly understand someone's psychology will make it easier to not be angered and hurt by them, instead you end up feeling sorry for them and their demons.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

All of the above. I guess I'd smile and say "thank you, I've really tried to change my life for the better. And with WLS, I have. Now the hard part comes, and I sure could use your support - how about it?" Who knows? Maybe you'll get him on board, too! Maybe he'll consider WLS for himself. Maybe he'll see you as a great mentor who can inspire him to greater goals. Change is more than outside images, it comes from within; and if he has a hope of changing himself, you are a great resource! Good for you for all you have done for yourself...keep your chin up and that gorgeous smile on your face...it can be catching!!!

[Bandista 7,466]

For me weight loss surgery was really about choosing myself and putting my needs first. This was something of a shock, not only to me but to the people around me. Your brother may be afraid he's going to lose you -- maybe a little reassurance, "no matter how much weight I lose, I'll still be your sister and you'll always be my pain in the %# brother." Meanwhile, pat yourself on the back. You are doing beautifully!

[leag78 469]

Thanks everyone for your support. That's why I talk to you all about my journey because you're the only ones who get it. I'm tired of having to defend myself.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

My advice is to not engage in the weight loss conversation with "detractors" - it is a no win situation. Just do what you do... and let them think what they think...I had WLS to save my life and what other people think about that just doesn't matter too much in my view.

[Letsgetskinny 24]

Firstly well done you.... great job!!!!! You are going to get all the support, love & high fives from all of us here so don't worry about him.

Hell yeah of course you've changed, you have a different outlook on food, your exercising now, you feel better, confident, motivated, self assured, your loosing weight and you want to shout it from the roof tops....so what!

Next time I would say yes...and yes I agree.....so what..... you better get used to it!

Theres no point explaining anything to him as he will never understand your journey or how hard work it is and not a magic wand so don't even waste your time answering him. (Sorry....I know it's your brother )