Stranger Danger

[whippledaddy 5]

Ah, me. I thought I was above this sort of thing. I thought it wouldn't bother me.

A co-worker introduced me to another person working in our prison. It's a big place, we don't know each other, but Craig was up to one of his little jokes.

Carol works up front, and I never go to the office so I never see those folks, I'm in the trenches, helping the prisoners cook, and serve the meals.

Craig, my co-worker, tells Carol that I'm going to have the Band Surgery. She doesn't know me. Yet she takes it upon herself to tell me that if I had any self control or will power I could do it without the crutch. It was a longer conversation than it needed to be, because I didn't shut her down. I didn't argue with her either. She's entitled to her opinion. Still a free country and all that.

What she thinks of me is none of my business, after all they are HER thoughts.

Craig knows this woman. He knew how she would react when he told her that. He's a coworker, not a friend, obviously, and he likes these little mind games.

But why would this woman, a total stranger, attack me so? Why? Who gained in this little exercise.

I know why her words hurt so much. After all isn't what she said what I've been telling myself for most of my life? Wasn't she just repeating what that secret little voice hiding deep within my own dark recesses was whispering to my inner ear? Your weak. You'll fail, again. Because you're weak. If you were a real man you'd do it on your own, cold turkey. You'd give up all food and live on sunshine and Water like a tree. An oak tree. But no, you're weak, doughy, without spine, or resolve.

Yes she woke the whiner within, and his voice is clear and strong. It drowns out all others.

What she did was terrible. But the real crime here was that I let it get to me. I thought I was better than that. Now I attack myself for this, viewing it as weakness.

Well, at least she didn't tell me I wasn't all THAT fat, or point out others in my boat. Give me a little time, I'll not carry her around any longer than I must, I've got enough to deal with without her.

There, now I feel better.

[hagerteresa 3]

I have been teased and/or criticized about my weight most of my life. Fortunately in my adult life I have faced it less than in my school days but I know it can be painful. Anymore, I just shrug and consider who the comment is coming from. Sticks and stones.... I wouldn't worry about what she thinks. Remember opinions are like ***holes and everybody has one. Keep the chin up and sending you my best wishes, Teresa

[leatha_g 4]

So sorry to hear this, Ryan. People can be so insensitive. Did you reply to her 'why didn't I think of that??" Duh...

Please don't beat yourself up over this woman's obvious need to feel superior. You are doing the bravest thing possible. You are facing this thing head on. This surgery is not without risk, nor is it without trials and tribulations. This is like the last resort after already having done all those things well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) strangers/friends/family feel the need to tell us. We've done all that. Now, we're serious and we want something that will help us today, tomorrow and forever. We're willing to give up bread, rice and Pasta and carbonated drinks. We may say goodbye to pizza, doughnuts, pastas and burgers and fries for the rest of our lives. Is that not enough for those who 'know it all'? I think so... and to hell with them if it isn't.

[New Hope 37]

"Walk a mile in someone's shoes, before you judge them." Neither of them are worth the effort it takes you to think about them. They must be pretty miserable people that they have nothing better to do w/ their time. You just concentrate on getting you and Patty healthier. You're far above people (?) like that!

[paula 4]

She doesn't know me. Yet she takes it upon herself to tell me that if I had any self control or will power I could do it without the crutch.

Im assuming that she is one that does not have A weight problem.

First of all, if you - or ANY of us - would have this wonderful self-control or will power (that SHE must obviously attain), then there would be no obesity, no alcoholics, no smokers, etc.... NOTHING that has any kind of addiction. At least 80% of folks NEED some form of crutch to help them overcome their addictions/problems. Just think about it....... A/A, the patch, counselors/therapist, diet pills, the BAND.... and I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Secondly, about the weight loss... Im gonna pass on to you what a wise bandster (Leatha) told me once, "Paula, if you eat what and how you are supposed to and NOT lose weight, you will be the first."

She was (and still is) right.

So Ryan, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT with the band!!!!!!

Its EASY for those that have never had our experiences to be so judgemental over WLS, but basically they have no opinion. The opinions that you might want to consider should come from folks that have had weight problems all of their lives.

[leatha_g 4]

... Im gonna pass on to you what a wise bandster (Leatha) told me once, "Paula, if you eat what and how you are supposed to and NOT lose weight, you will be the first."

She was (and still is) right.

.

Slight hijack... Paula, you are always so sweet to me. I am humbled and honored that you should consider me a 'wise' anything. (a wiseass, maybe..):devious

By the way, thanks for posting your photo. :eek: Such a pretty lady. Thank you again.

[bushbaby 8]

Ditto to what paula said...if you had anorexia no one would bother you and get in your buisness they would just want you to get help...I had the same problem and now that I have begun to take off the weight the same people say things like "wow you look great" and they seem to forgoten that they were not supportive. The truth is that most people just care about results. Next time cut her off and realize that all of us are standing behind you...You can't see us but we are there. And smile and tell her it's really none of her buisness. ANd if she continues on give her my number 1(800) shut the hell up!

[nightingale2u 42]

There are a million supportive people out there and it sounds like the person you talked about is the odd one out! Perhaps feel sorry for her, as I would bet, that she does not have many friends in her life. It's not about being weak... it's about being human. Her lack of humanity is far more crippling than our disease of obesity... perhaps a sympathy card is in order? :dead

Darcy

[nora33 0]

How sad that instead of talking to you and finding out what a wonderful, smart, witty man you are, Carol chose to pass judgement. If she could only have accepted that ever person is unique, instead of being self rightous, she would have went home and told people about this great man she had just meet.

We all know how bad words can hurt. Logic tells us it doesn't matter what others think, but our hearts tells us we have been rejected and that is painful. I'm sure Carol thought her thoughts were important, and she has no idea how cruel she was. Please remember that for every one person who feels the need to judge you, there are a hundred of us who stand behind you.

Ryan, we know that you are strong, who else but a strong person could see past their fear and self doubt and take the step of WLS so that they can rejoin life?. We know you will succeed, admitting that you are human and need help is the first and most important step to success. We know you are a "real" man, you don't let ignorance and fear stop you, and you share your hurt, sorrows, joys and soul to help others.

In the middle of the night, in the dark, when self doubt starts to whisper in your ear, when you find it hard to believe in yourself, know that we believe in you.

[Zoe 6]

I'd love to write an eloquent response to Ryan's story and the other wise and wonderful posts here, but the first words that come to mind are: CAROL SUCKS! And Craig's even worse because he set up the little game with no object in mind except to bring you down.

You're smart to recognize that the co-worker gremlins are so powerful because they're echoing your own self-doubts. But we know that you're doing the right thing, and we know what courage and, yes, strength are required to decide to get the band.

You might work in a prison, but if these two vipers have to entertain themselves in such a hateful way, they're living in one.

[lauri 0]

I continue to be astonished at the ignorance and cruelty of some people! :sick I am waiting for my band and am going through some similar experiences. Please know that you are not alone and YOU ARE STRONG, you are doing the right thing! I have watched my mother diet and beat up on herself my whole life. My THIN father was always commenting about our weight and asking "do you need to be eating this or that" and looking at other women and saying that if my mother looked like that he "wouldn't NEED to look" and in the same breath ask her to bake a cake/pie/cobbler or other desert. He once told her that if she would lose 25 pounds he would take her to Hawaii when he went on his company trip. Guess what? He went without her!! In my teens, I became bulimic and very thin. For the first time in my life he said he was PROUD of me! I am now 35 and my mom is still overweight. She has had both knees replaced and now can barely walk because of her hips. Her entire adult life, as has mine, has been consumed with losing weight. I think all of us know how that feels. I REFUSE-ABSOLUTLY REFUSE to spend the rest of my life like this. We are all strong because we choose to do what we need to do. I am going to lose weight FOR ME!! You hold your head up and know that if the truth be known you probably have more will power and more strengh than alot of people. We are all behind you. By the way, You are a creative and talented writer, as well.

[blossom 2]

Wow!!! Carol must be one miserable old witch to think she could say all those things to someone she doesn't even know. Throwing her opinions around must be the only way she knows how to communicate. Bet she has LOADS of friends!

And, Craig. Well, he sounds like a true blue a$$hole! That wasn't a joke, that was just plain mean. His day will come and so will Carol's....

Ryan, you just remember that there are many, many people in this world who think you rock and stand behind you 100%!

[Rebeccalee 2]

Isn't it strange how it still hurts, no matter how we try to soothe ourselves, when someone is cruel or rude. I can't understand how it makes them feel better, but it must because some people are rude all the time.

Sorry you encountered one of these very rude people. I hope her nasty comments are softened by the ones you hear from those who care about you and understand you. You have every right to take care of yourself in whatever way works for you. You are a strong and courageous individual to face your medical problem and deal with it.

[AudreyZ 0]

Life is too short to be bothered with rude comments like this. Ask yourself, why would she even mention such a thing to you?

Maybe you're a reminder to her of something she isn't- courageous and motivated. There's always a hint of jealousy and a low self esteem involved with people like this. I have yet to meet anyone like this who is happy with themselves- they often lash out at people who they envy- if you're happy or seem it, they try to bring you down.

[Marimaru 7]

I'm with Zoe. What a b####. Why doesn't it help to think to ourselves "she doesn't know me. She doesn't know what I've been through". Why do we care so much what other people think? I found that recently again about my self. I did a lot of work to not care what other people think about me. I got my band and all of the sudden I care again. It's the strangest thing.

Anyhow, I also imagine that people who were born with the willpower to eat less, or excersize more, or whatever, have no freaking clue what's it's like to have to create that on your own. Also, I wonder what willpower she was born without? Obviously it has something to do with being nice to people...

Stupid Craig.