I Was Told I Look Like I Have AIDS Today..... :-/

[livvsmum 2,369]

I have no idea how it came up....let me think. I think I was talking about Spanx with a friend (which I am currently wearing because of recovering from a tummy tuck) and another acquaintance overheard and said "why do you have to wear spanx??? you're already too skinny". I said something like, "oh it holds everything in place..haha" trying to be light-hearted. Then she told me that I looked like I had AIDS and that I needed to stop losing weight and I needed to gain some back. This is also something (not that specifically, but the same idea) that my mom says every time she visits. She'll say something like, "you look sick. you looked better before."

Let's focus on the conversation though. There is so much wrong with it. So much. I will attach my most recent picture so you can see that I don't really look awful.....and/or sickly.....

1. First of all, I don't like the derogatory nature of the comment towards anyone who is an AIDS patient. Not cool.

2. I get that when you knew someone when they were obese, and now you see them skinny, it takes some adjusting and sometimes it takes a while for you to think they look "normal" in their new body....but.... WHY do people think it's ok to comment on my weight?????

3. I am within a healthy weight range. My doctor is not concerned. My surgeon is not concerned. My therapist is not concerned.

4. Can we revisit #2?

5. You can fill in the blank....there's gotta be something else wrong with this.

It doesn't bother me really. I don't let people's comments effect my emotional well-being anymore. I just thought it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And I am STUNNED at the forwardness of some people. And I am stunned at the fact that other people who are just acquaintances not even close friends, feel the freedom to comment on my weight at will.

PSA........don't share your comments on people's weight or appearance unless they start it.

[Babbs 14,681]

You look like a normal, healthy weight to me.

I've told this story before, and I'll tell it again. I'm not there yet, but my husband who had RNY almost 9 years ago was complaining to his surgeon about this very same subject. He went from 300lbs down to about 170lbs. He was getting all the "You look like you have AIDS, Cancer, etc.." and the "You're too skinny! Put on some weight!" comments.

His surgeon shrugged his shoulders and said "There are so many overweight and obese people these days, nobody even knows what a normal, healthy weight looks like anymore".

Made sense to me.

[SeahawksFan 444]

First of all you look fabulous. You don't look to thin. Secondly, even if you did that is so rude for them to say. That's just mean. Third and foremost it's not just about looks people. It's about being healthy. My doctor said that so many people are overweight now that people forget how normal weight should look.

I hope you don't let these people drag you down. You are doing fantastic on your journey!!

~LA

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

OMG I really am lost for words :-(

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

I just cannot get over the comments people make. As a Babbs said I think we are used to seeing overweight people it looks "normal." Me, myself can't imagine my self at 200lbs, so I know I will probably be in counseling for a minute when I get to goal, but for someone to vocalize such a rude comment.

[band2sleeve2014 15]

Unbelievable! And btw, you look fantastic and healthy!

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

You look great, and I agree with your points! These days, as people go on and on about my weight loss (which isn't even enough to get me out of "obese,") I love pointing out that when one gains weight, what do we hear? *crickets*....but hey, lose weight and the entire world comments, and loudly. I find it super annoying, but I think they mean well - but mostly I wish they'd stop commenting altogether. You just do you, and keep up the great work - their issues are their own!

[laceygorrell 79]

I think u look great!!! As long as ur doctors and u are ok with ur weight than that's all that matters

[Maggietcu2 55]

Just like how shocking it is to see how much food you need compared to how much food given at restaurants ... I'm wondering if people's "healthy weight" norm has shifted too??

[livvsmum 2,369]

Thanks guys. I think I was just shocked more than anything. It doesn't really hurt me. I've been in therapy since about 7 months post op to deal with my "self" issues which were hidden under "food" issues, so I don't really feel like it reflects on me. I just can't imagine saying that to someone I was close to, let alone someone I barely know. People are crazy.

[ThreeFifty 166]

I never watched that tv show called the View. (this was a few years ago) I happen to be at a friends house one day and the view was on TV. My friend kept talking about how one of the women on the show was too small and has lost too much weight. I'm looking and I cant pick out who they are talking about. I finally ask and they are like "Star Jones" and they point to the screen pointing out Star Jones to me.

Like I said, I never watched the view, and didn't know who Star Jones was. When my friend point her out to me Im like "whats wrong with her, she looks normal to me" My friends were all like "she looks sick, she has a big head" etc. Im like I don't see it. I later find out she had WLS and I saw her older pictures.

but to me, how she looked was how she looked and I didn't see anything wrong. I think people sometimes have an old image of you in their mind and when they do look and see the new you, it makes them think something isn't right. its their problem, not yours. People that has never seen the before you probably wouldn't think anything at all.

[Babbs 14,681]

@

That is such an interesting story and point! And so true!

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

While I was still losing weight, my EX one time said to me that I was "thinner then most women he saw at the store". Then he goes on to say, "of course everyone has gotten really fat so normal sized women are getting rare". I know he didn't mean to insult me, and in fact I believe his statement was quite true.

I think you look great, healthy, trim. And yes... thinner than the average woman you see at the grocery store!

I noticed when I first lost weight my collar bone, ribs along back and front were very noticable. That freaked some people out. Over time, as my weight has sort of redistributed I look more well balanced. I just got an updated drivers license and I think my face looks better now than when I first got to goal. Either that or I too have just gotten used to how I look now, but i don't get those criticisms anymore.

[amazon 579]

I think my current favorite phrase applies here...bitches be crazy!

You look freaking awesome.

[JamieLogical 8,713]

I think you know and understand that you look normal and healthy, so there's no sense in restating that. But the real issue here is that your coworker felt it was okay to make a comment like this. That's completely insane and I would seriously consider reporting her to a superior. It is NOT okay for people to think they can talk to anyone like that in a professional environment. I get offended when I hear my coworkers talking about each other like that behind each other's backs. If someone said something like that directly to me, you can bet I would report them!