A little over two years out and thrown right back into my fat days...

[lmb012182 61]

I really believe that popular culture / society makes women look at gaining weight as a negative to such an extent that even when we lose weight we feel bad about NEEDING to lose weight. I had a very hard time taking compliments as I lost the weight. As happy as I was and as proud of how I looked as I was, I always felt somehow like I didn't deserve to be complimented because I should never have been obese to begin with.

That said, a lot of 'compliments' are underhanded digs, and if you felt like he was being unkind then you are probably right. When people have tried to give me underhanded compliments I've always done the same thing, smiled brightly and said, "Thank you. That means SO much to me." I make sure that the message is that their opinion is worth a bucket of warm spit. It generally shuts them the hell up.

Buck up, I think that people who do these things are genuinely jealous or bitter.

[GalileeGal 47]

So sorry this happened to you. I am afraid this is common and people think they are being funny and original when they say "What happened to the other half of you?" I have heard that one frequently and one young lady even pouted after seeing the "new me" and said, "You're just not you when you aren't fat and jolly!"

I must have some snappy, humorous responses in my repertoire so I can let people know commenting on my body is NOT ok!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It is hard to know people's intentions. While it is wonderful to get a compliment - saying something like "you look amazing" is always welcome for me. Something like "geez, you lost a ton of weight" in front of a crowd of people is not cool.

When it happened to me (and it has many times as i lost ALOT of weight) I decided to grin and bear it. I felt like I was the one that changed alot and I needed to sort of help people with adjusting. One lady I worked with (different story than i shared on my first post on this thread) was completely weirded out by my physical transformation. It was freaky - she would do stuff like grab my badge to check my I.D. etc. After about the 3rd time of her crazy talk I had about enough and gently asked her to back off on it, but she was angry, confused and a bunch of other stuff about her own obesity and I think I just became a target for that frustration.

Anyway, good news is that over time, people FORGET how obese i used to be. I try to stay cool and just let it all float over me. One thing I realize that looks just ain't that important in life...

[PdxMan 4,292]

But we get this surgury because we're tired of the negative attention we get. We get it to feel good about ourselves and to gain confidence back....and then we complain when people notice it?!! We want our cake and we want to eat it to.

@@Joshua Barbour,

I can't speak for LSL or anybody else here, but I did not get WLS because of the negative attention, but rather to get healthier. I am a happily married man and she married me when I was morbidly obese. I was (still am) in a high paying position. Perhaps it is just my attitude, but I really couldn't give a rat's ass about other people's insecurities surrounding my size.

My doctor wanted to start me on medications for high blood pressure, cholesterol and being pre-diabetic. I was having difficulty staying active with my small children and I had aches and pains which kept me from doing things. I knew I was on a path to an inevitable, sad ending and the ride would be painful all the way. I had to do something, lest I would leave a lovely family behind.

As far as people mentioning my weight loss, sure, it happens. Depending on the person and/or environment, I handle the situation accordingly. If the person is being insensitive, I usually respond with, "Yes, thank you for pointing this personal matter out to everyone. Tell me, how is your sensitivity training going?" From which I dice the person's character flaws and put the attention back on them.

**** Edit ****

I also wanted to add that I do understand your position as I do see discrimination towards morbidly obese people all the time. I also see the pain and embarrassment of those who are. It makes me sad to see how insensitive people can be.

Edited June 16, 2015 by PdxMan

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Unpopular opinion here. But we get this surgury because we're tired of the negative attention we get. We get it to feel good about ourselves and to gain confidence back....and then we complain when people notice it?!! We want our cake and we want to eat it to. My suggestion is just roll with it....if people notice, just say "thanks! It's been quite the journey" Why would you get mad that someone notices such a drastic change in you? That's the reason we did it no? Drastic change?

Maybe he doesn't have a mouth filter, but his intention wasn't to bring you down. I'd like to see a poll on here about how this affects men and women differently. For me, when I was at church I got that same comment....You are dissappearing! It makes me feel SOOO good that this thing is working! I really do think this affects each gender differently...thoughts?

Nope, nope, nope. You are absolutely off. I love attention. I love compliments. I love everything ABOUT this journey except derisive comments, of which I have gotten very few.

This "gentleman's" words were not complimentary, awkwardly worded or otherwise. I have very thick skin and am immune to most people's stupidity. With this one, it was all in the tone.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

So sorry this happened to you. I am afraid this is common and people think they are being funny and original when they say "What happened to the other half of you?" I have heard that one frequently and one young lady even pouted after seeing the "new me" and said, "You're just not you when you aren't fat and jolly!"

I must have some snappy, humorous responses in my repertoire so I can let people know commenting on my body is NOT ok!

My favorite retort ever (and I read it here, I can't even take credit for it!) is, "I am so tired of talking about MY weight/diet/body...let's talk about YOURS!!". Add in a oblivious smile and wait.

[blashlee 509]

How rude. Especially for a man to do to a woman. People think that commenting on your weight loss seems well-intended, but it can be really embarrassing and make you feel incredibly "on display." At least that's how I feel when someone brings it up in such a splashy way. You notice? Small compliment and move on. Don't ask for figures and sizes or anything of that, you're going too far.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

At least that's how I feel when someone brings it up in such a splashy way.

Girl...that's exactly it. You nailed it for me. He wasn't so much "splashy" as he was LOUD and derisive. Intentionally so.

[Jessicacherry3 71]

We teach people how to treat us so if you didn't like him calling you out like that, you need to tell him so. If that doesn't work, kick him in the balls... Sometimes violence is the answer

[Julie norton 2,850]

Even years out, I am at a loss when people I have not seen in 8 or more years us say "how much do you weigh? Or how many pounds have you lost?" I'm just not a number sharing person ...

I look average sized and dress nice for work but I do NOT want to talk about a number on a scale... I was a slave to it for a decade and now feel very different.

I will chat about workouts or other healthy topics.... Just not sharing such personal information with people I'm not CLOSE to.

These forums are one of the safe places to talk about size! Thanks????

[vincereautmori 323]

We teach people how to treat us so if you didn't like him calling you out like that, you need to tell him so. If that doesn't work, kick him in the balls... Sometimes violence is the answer

LOL- No, no, no jessica, let's not go there. I don't think we want to go from obese wallflowers to fit and trim genital attacking terminators. Better to learn how to handle the situation diplomatically, assertively, and with confidence.

[anaxila 501]

I am sorry that happened I assume that he meant it as a compliment but obviously didn't know when to drop it. I get uncomfortable when people notice my weight loss I feel like they never really saw me before I lost half of me.

Sometimes, this cuts both ways. Hardly anyone at my work ever comments on my weight loss - over 100 pounds and still going - and I actually find it kind of unnerving. I interact with tons of people across many different groups, and I've known most of them for many years. We're all on friendly terms, but only the (very!) few people closest to me ever say anything. Before surgery I was terrified of people noticing my weight loss and shining a spotlight on what I was doing, almost to the point where it was a barrier to getting surgery at all. But now I'm like "COME ON! Do you not SEE this? WHERE'S THE LOVE?" It's like all of their other friendliness and stories of kids and family and non-work activities doesn't mean as much if they can't recognize this amazing transformation I'm going through and be at least a little bit curious.

EDITED TO SAY: I think my reaction to this is probably a product of where I am in the process. I'm just a few months post-surgery still rapidly losing, so of course I expect people to notice. Heck, *I* notice it being different from one day to the next. But once I'm at goal and have been at goal for a long time and my transformation is no longer shiny and new, I can see how it would become an unwelcome reminder of something that's firmly in the past.

Edited June 22, 2015 by anaxila

[Rhodes 66]

Hello Lipstick,

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, please do not feel like I'm picking on you, just the opposite. I applaud you!

Yes this guy seems to have a bit of a loss in the social skills category, but using 20/20 hindsight vision, do you feel like you might have been unconsciously "skinny-shaming" yourself?

It's not a stretch for people like us who have battled our weight, our ego, and our own self-confidence for years to slip into the same state and think we're "still not worthy".

Now, by the actions of a turd with anemic social skills, you are ready to accept the blame for being skinny as readily as you accepted the burden of being overweight. And you are upset with the thought of spending the summer around him.

Let me ask you a question: "Do you think he might find you attractive, therefore intimidating(most men are intimidated of attractive women), and this was his way to assuage his own bruised ego?" Just a thought.......

If I were you I would wear the sexiest (but appropriate for children being around) outfit you have every time you have to be around Mr. Big Mouth...

Remember:

YOU'VE LOST OVER 100 POUNDS!

Revel in that girl!

YOU did it!

YOU had the courage to do what you needed to do to succeed!

YOU drew a line in the sand and said "No Further!"

Don't accept defeat, in the face of victory! Be proud of your accomplishment!

If I'm off-base here, I'm sorry, but this is how your post came across to me...

[shellyd88 463]

@@anaxila everyone is being so politically correct these days perhaps they are uncomfortable acknowledging what can for many be a touchy subject and don't want to make work relationships awkward with bringing it up or putting a focus on you that they feel u might not want or setting off gossips? I know I myself would only privately say anything not in front of anyone else do as to not embarass someone in case they don't want to publicly discuss it I'd be embarrassed if I caused someone to be embarrassed or humiliated by gossip mongers by bringing unwanted attention to something

[LipstickLady 25,682]

We teach people how to treat us so if you didn't like him calling you out like that, you need to tell him so. If that doesn't work, kick him in the balls... Sometimes violence is the answer

LOL- No, no, no jessica, let's not go there. I don't think we want to go from obese wallflowers to fit and trim genital attacking terminators. Better to learn how to handle the situation diplomatically, assertively, and with confidence.

I was an obese ass kicker, now I'm a fit ass kicker.

I'm getting my 2nd degree black belt in two weeks!