A little over two years out and thrown right back into my fat days...

[LipstickLady 25,682]

So the other night I was totally thrown for a loop and for the first time in a long time, I was actually rendered speechless. I was at a parent dinner meet and greet for a new sport my youngest is part of. I knew only 3 or 4 people (out of about 40) as this is my daughter's first year on the team.

I have known the woman who organized it (as well as her husband) forever. Her husband has always been very friendly with me, but we rarely see each other because they are both the most boring people on earth. Nice enough, but not people I want to hang around.

The husband came over to me and in front of about 15 people I've never seen in my life said, "Hey! How are you? And where is the rest of you?". Truly oblivious, I assumed he was asking about my husband as there were MANY dads there and I said that he was still at work. I've not been fat for over a year and a half and NO ONE mentions it anymore. People I've never met would have no idea I was ever fat.

He goes on to say, "Well, you've lost at least 100 or more pounds, right? I mean, you've lost at least half of yourself. Where did it go?" Immediately all eyes were on me and I had no idea what to say. (Weird, I know. I ALWAYS have something snarky to say. Long day, I guess.)

What a freaking beast. It was completely uncomfortable and awkward for me and I could tell a few of the ladies around me could feel it. Someone tried to make a joke that she "found it" and a few people f***ng congratulated me on something they know NOTHING about. I've left my fat life behind, how could this one jackhole completely throw me back into that world with a few sentences? One of my biggest reasons for losing the weight and my only real insecurity about being obese was how much I hated being "the fat mom" at every event. Leaving that world behind has been the best part of this whole experience and he brought it all slamming right back into the present.

I'm still pissed. I am going to see him endlessly throughout the summer and the season. I want to kick him in the nuts really bad. ARGH!!!

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Hey..I was called out in front of company executives at a little meet and greet for top performers. The woman who did it was mortified as soon as she realized it..it was not her intention to embarrass me but the words were out and everybody was staring at me.

I somehow managed to turn it into a story about a personal transformation after a huge personal loss (death of my sister) which was also true. The theme of the meeting had been transforming our business so it fit.

So, I get an"audience" with senior executives and I get the spotlight on being half my former size...peachy. I did get compliments on my inspiring story and true listening which seldom happens when a peon like me is in a crowd like that....so I guess one must look on the bright side.

[CloserToFine 172]

@@LipstickLady, I am speechless. That guy is a royal PITA (pain in the...)!!! Your first answer to him ("He's at work") was priceless, even if it was unintentionally brilliant.

What sticks out to me in this story is that woman standing near you who tried to come to the rescue, saying she'd "found" your lost weight. What a display of sisterhood!

Instead of carrying around your perfectly understandable anger -- which is also an unwanted weight! -- I wonder if you could say something to him next time you see each other. Maybe something along the lines of "I know you were genuinely curious, but it's a private issue and I don't like to talk about it in public." Or, if you're feeling less generous, pick out his worst flaw and broadcast it publicly .

xoxo

[CloserToFine 172]

Hey..I was called out in front of company executives at a little meet and greet for top performers. The woman who did it was mortified as soon as she realized it..it was not her intention to embarrass me but the words were out and everybody was staring at me.

I somehow managed to turn it into a story about a personal transformation after a huge personal loss (death of my sister) which was also true. The theme of the meeting had been transforming our business so it fit.

So, I get an"audience" with senior executives and I get the spotlight on being half my former size...peachy. I did get compliments on my inspiring story and true listening which seldom happens when a peon like me is in a crowd like that....so I guess one must look on the bright side.

@@CowgirlJane, you totally rocked that uncomfortable situation! But it is so bittersweet that you literally lost your other half - your dear sister. I'm very sorry. {Hugs}

[peaceout 273]

I'm sorry this happened to you! I'm still pre-op so I can't relate, but I have never understood how anyone can think that discussing another person's weight is acceptable, especially if you don't know them that well AND you're in a group setting!

I know from some of your other posts that you don't "advertise" your WLS to others, so I'm wondering how you used to deflect these types of comments about your big loss 1-1.5 years ago when it was a new thing?

[InspirationMySon 135]

I am sorry that happened I assume that he meant it as a compliment but obviously didn't know when to drop it. I get uncomfortable when people notice my weight loss I feel like they never really saw me before I lost half of me.

[drmeow 323]

Yeah, I suspect that the guy actually thought he was complimenting you but I get how embarrassing it was for you.

I dread that happening, running into people who haven't seen me in a long time. Years ago I had a fat friend where I worked. We moved out of state and about 4 years later were back visiting and I met up with her for lunch. We had not kept in touch other than Christmas cards, etc. so I was shocked to see she'd lost at least 100 lbs. She looked great but I'd only ever known her fat with a round face and it was truly hard to talk to her normally at first. I know she was the same person on the inside but I would not have recognized her if I hadn't met up with her on purpose, and it was mentally jarring. My mind insisted I didn't know this person! So I am prepared for the shock of others.

[Babbs 14,681]

Awwww friend, I'm so sorry that happened to you! How mortifying!

I'm really going through a "I really dislike people" stage right now, and people like that are the reason why.

Seriously, fuck that guy.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

After reading the story I could see that Dr. Clueless hit a nerve with you but I did'nt see it as intentionally rude. I think he was trying to be nice and complimentary about your weight loss and didn't think twice about saying it in front of others. Some people are more uncomfortable and /or sensitive about "congratulations on your weight loss " comments than others, I'm personally not offended by the comments at all. That doesnt mean you're wrong because you're not, I just don't think he meant it to make you uncomfortable. Since you still have to see the Clueless family for awhile, you might want to casually mention that you prefer to keep you weight loss journey private, etc, especially now that you have your power of speech back................. (Lipstick lady speechless ?? No way !!!! Did pigs fly ?)

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

How unfair for him to call you out in public like that? I might have said something not so nice back to him. I know I will get caught off guard at some point after my weight loss also. I too am curious what did you say to people along the way when they were rude?

Don't let him take away the pride you have in the success you have had. I have seen your pics and you look amazing!!

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@LipstickLady What an absolute turd! I can just imagine that he is one of those loud obnoxious guys that no one wants to be around.

If there is no avoiding this guy going forward, I would certainly pull him to the side the next time I saw him, and politely (I know that's hard for you... LOL j/k) explain to him how inappropriate his comment was, and that going forward it would be very much appreciated if he could refrain from making any future comments like that.

If he is any kind of a man he will feel bad about his actions and how he made you feel. Maybe it will also make him think twice before opening his fat trap again!

Love you "J"!!! You are and will always continue to be my inspiration!

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

I'm sorry you had to deal with a clueless jerk. While it is not ok to return rudeness with rudeness, you are not obligated to continue an uncomfortable conversation. Next time this happens, change the subject -- Clueless Jerk: "Wow, I'll bet you lost more than 100 lbs, right?" You: "How are things with you?" Clueless Jerk: "No really, how much weight have you lost?" You: "My family is doing well. Oh, there's Mary. I'd better go say hello."

[jane13 2,256]

@@LipstickLady I know you realize he probably was trying to compliment you but just SUCKED at it, right?

Maybe you should have guessed out loud how much he weighed, "So, John, you weigh what - 180lbs?" and Before he can answer turn to his wife and say "want to lose about 180lbs of dead weight?"

[*Lexie* 1,486]

Boys are dumb!

[AvaFern 3,516]

Ugh! That sounds so awful- I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel like people don't really get that when they "compliment" you on your "massive weight loss" and how you have "lost half of yourself" and "omg, how did you lose so much weight" they are making the entire situation mortifying. It bugs me the most when they press you on how much weight you lost. I want to be like...111 pounds, thank-you for making me feel like a complete and total monster now. I sincerely don't think they realize that they are being rude and offensive in the moment and I try to tell myself that hopefully they go home and think...whoops, I shouldn't have said that, how obtuse of me...yet I think most of them just go home and think, hey, that lady lost a lot of weight, good for her. I try to remember that most people are not intentionally mean and do not try to embarrass me when they say things like that. Nonetheless, I wish people were a bit more cognizant of the things they say to others in public.

Go kick the thai bag a few times at your gym and pretend it is that dude- maybe it will make you feel better.