Contemplating not having the surgery because I like to party?

[lexiss22 8]

Hello all my fellow sleevers! I'm 5 months into my nutritional visits so I have 1 more before I get to submit to insurace for approval. Iv been having second thoughts about the surgery and its giving me so much anxiety I can barely sleep at night. My life is great.. To a point. I have amazing friends and we love to go out and party quite often. There's only one thing.. I miss out on so much because I hate my body. Its kills my self esteem every time I'm out and I can't even get a guys head to turn because I'm constantly surrounded by my beautiful tiny friends. I want to lose the weight, I want to be happy but I just wonder, how am I going to be happy if I loose the weight and can't go out and have fun? And please don't judge me when I say this, but I'm 21 and "going out and having fun" always includes drinking. I mean I know I'm going to have to stay away from alcohol for a good 3 months after and my tolerance is going to be a lot lower but has anyone been able to maintain a party life with healthy vsg foods and proper exercise? And I know alcohol is extra calories but I really could use some insite from someone my age who understands the struggles I'm having. PLEASE comment!! Is there anyone out there who's like me?!

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

I'm not 21 and can't speak to the "party life" after VSG, but I am thinking that if you've committed this far with preparing for the surgery, and you want to lose the weight, how do you think your life would be any different if you DON'T have the surgery? You'll be in the same place regarding your body image and self-esteem. I respectfully recommend seeking out help with a therapist to work with you on your self-esteem and body image and any food issues. I'm afraid if you don't have the surgery, you'll regret it. No surgery, nothing changes. Learn to love yourself.....regardless.

[Rovobay 920]

I was an over weight alcoholic. I was faced with a dilemma, die young because of my obesity or lose weight so I can grow old with my family. No brainer, I quit drinking (for the most part... details later), had the surgery. I am 9 months out today and down 116 pounds. I feel great. life is great. I was given a second chance. I do occasionally drink red wine. Bourbon was my daily vice. I have had it once since surgery (on my birthday). Don't let booze control your life. I know you are 21 and it seems like a huge part of your life, but that will wear off. I am not sure of your stats (height/weight) but you are young, this will give you an amazing rebirth. You can still go out and party. Yeah, you can drink. moderation is key.

I am glad you found this site. read on here. sooooo much info. it motivated me to do the surgery and has made me successful. good luck!!!

[lexiss22 8]

Thank you both so much, and MrsSugarbabe you make a very valid point when you say how will my life be any different if I don't have the surgery. And BTW I'm trying to update my profile and add my pictures but I'm 251lbs 5'6 and I'm 5 lbs down from my highest weight.

[AvaFern 3,516]

This is going to sound harsh...do you want to be fat or do you want to party? You said that much as you have a great life, it is limited because of your weight. You avoid doing things because of your self-esteem and you feel like you are surrounded by all your beautiful friends and guys never look at you. You're going to need to give up booze for a few months after surgery, but after that if you want to you can still go out and drink. If anything you will be a way cheaper drinker because less alcohol gets you buzzed faster.

I can appreciate in a sense how you feel because when I was 21 (and under 21) I had a great time partying, however back then I was normal sized. When I did finally decide to get the sleeve (when I was 29) I hadn't gone out in several years because I was so ashamed of what I looked like. Guys wouldn't give me the time of day, so no matter how much fun I had with my great girl friends, I felt like not only was I bringing them down because guys had to send in the Grenade jumper (the dude that jumps on the ugly fat girl so his friends can hit on the hot girls) before they could come hit on my friends but I was embarrassing myself in the process. As a result, I just decided staying in and being alone was the better option.

I am now slightly under goal and for the first time in a very long time dating someone. We go out places and instead of people looking at me like I should be at home on a treadmill, men hit on me all the time. People are nice to me. Women and men make comments about how tiny I am. I'm not a big drinker anymore, but when I do drink I really don't notice a huge difference between before sleeve and after sleeve now that I'm almost 2 years out. I can still go out, have a good time, and drink...I just don't eat a lot of the foods anymore and I don't spend the entire time wondering if people are laughing at me. Really though, I would give up booze and partying forever if it meant that I got to be the size I am now for the rest of my life. Being thin, healthy, and attractive is worth way more to me than being able to drink and eat my face off whenever I want to.

So...getting the surgery will not kill your social life for more than a few months, but if your priority is not with being healthy and is instead with going out, partying, and keeping the bad habits that contributed to your weight problem in the first place, the sleeve isn't going to help you much past the first few months. I can easily eat and drink my way to WAY too many calories, but I'm more focused on being thin and healthy than I am in enjoying food and booze. It sounds like you, like me, want to be thin because you want to be hot. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, however in the long term the motivation to be thin has to be more than the motivation to go out and have fun every night. Being hot comes with sacrifice and if you don't think you're willing to make that sacrifice, wait until you're a bit older, a bit less interested in partying everynight, and a bit more oriented toward making the healthy choices you will need to make if you have a sleeve.

I'd say I'd do a shot for you tonight and wish you luck on your decision....but I'll drink some carrot juice for you instead.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Just a thought.........how about you figure how many calories you drink over a period of say......a month. Maybe that will help you see how this social activity is actually adding to your misery instead of your happiness. Will your drinking friends like you less if you cut back on the booze? Do you need to be drinking / drunk to have fun?

Maybe, just maybe, if you have surgery and lose enough weight to be able to embrace regular activity and exercise, you could find friends who like to hike instead of drink. Your current friends may be the only people in your current social universe, but they don't have to be.

One thing I have found out about losing weight is that we also lose inhibitions that were holding us back, too. That new thin you that is trapped inside the current hefty you may be an entirely different person. A healthier body and healthier outlook changes us. It is no secret that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of relationships, and there are a lot of examples on this site. Once you do lose weight and become thin and healthy, you my find that your current "friends" are threatened by the competition you will present. Think really hard about whether they treat you like a friend or like a joke.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Just don't let your current friendships determine your future health. Believe me, the health problems escalate quickly with obesity. You have to decide where the greater value is.

Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago.

[jess9395 5,449]

Life is about choices and you won't be 21 forever. Where do you want to be when you are 31? 41?

Maybe this is not the time for you, maybe you aren't ready. Surgery will always be there, but it's a tool. If you aren't ready to do the rest of the work it won't change your life. Don't "waste" the tool if you aren't ready for it.

[jess9395 5,449]

Just a thought.........how about you figure how many calories you drink over a period of say......a month. Maybe that will help you see how this social activity is actually adding to your misery instead of your happiness. Will your drinking friends like you less if you cut back on the booze? Do you need to be drinking / drunk to have fun?

Maybe, just maybe, if you have surgery and lose enough weight to be able to embrace regular activity and exercise, you could find friends who like to hike instead of drink. Your current friends may be the only people in your current social universe, but they don't have to be.

One thing I have found out about losing weight is that we also lose inhibitions that were holding us back, too. That new thin you that is trapped inside the current hefty you may be an entirely different person. A healthier body and healthier outlook changes us. It is no secret that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of relationships, and there are a lot of examples on this site. Once you do lose weight and become thin and healthy, you my find that your current "friends" are threatened by the competition you will present. Think really hard about whether they treat you like a friend or like a joke.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Just don't let your current friendships determine your future health. Believe me, the health problems escalate quickly with obesity. You have to decide where the greater value is.

Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago.

This is awesome!

[samuelsmom 670]

@lexiss22- My future daughter in law just turned 21. She is ridiculously thin and if she weren't such a nice girl I would have to hate her ... Lol.

She is in college with lots of friends and does drink. I have watched her, however, and noticed that she sips her drinks and has a few bites of food. None of her friends notice because she is doing what is natural for her.

So if you decide to have the surgery, then go ahead and enjoy your friends and going out. When allowed by your program, just sip one drink, and enjoy their company. As long as you are having a good time, your friends won't notice. I was shocked after having my surgery and eating very small portions at restaurants, that no one noticed (or cared) that I needed a doggy bag!

Good luck to you.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

You need to set your priorities before you have the surgery.

Post surgery questions:

Can you NEVER drink again?

No.

Can you ever go out and have a great time with friends?

Yes.

Can you enjoy having appetizers or eating at restaurants?

Yes.

The only caveat regarding the drinking and food is to do so in moderation; also planning on bringing home 1/2 your meal from the restaurant for another night (not too shabby, 2 great meals for the price of one).

You can still enjoy partying and having fun, just do so in moderation the way thin people do.

By the way, your "friends", if they truly are, will support, encourage and help you with your decision to have WLS.

Good luck. You will make the correct decision when you are ready.

[renman23 18]

Before i comment... let me say that i mean in NO WAY to be harsh or condemnatory... only real..

2. things.

1: If you are 120 pounds over your goal weight @ 21.... its not going to get better from here unless you make MAJOR changes... NOW is the time to get your weight and eating habits under control.

2: there are SOOOOOO many ways to have fun! Leading an ACTIVE life...

So you wont CHOOSE to go out drinking w/ those friends.. at least as much as you did ... You'll find new, healthy ways to have fun... AND when you have the physical body that you like... and the CONFIDENCE that goes with it.... WOW.

I'd suggest following a few ladies who are fitness related on IG or FB to INSPIRE you.... You may be surprised...

I hope you choose to continue w/ you path... the HEALTHY choice is soooo much better!

[RNsleever715 117]

I think lots of times we use alcohol as a way to escape, and relax when we are uptight about things etc....

You just might find that you don't need it as much when you feel confident and sexy! Good luck! ????

[lexiss22 8]

I think lots of times we use alcohol as a way to escape, and relax when we are uptight about things etc....

You just might find that you don't need it as much when you feel confident and sexy! Good luck! ????

love this. I appreciate the support!! ????

[lexiss22 8]

Thank you all for your opinions, i truly appreciate all of them and I'm taking everyone's pointers to heart! Including the tough love! These are all things I will contemplate on in the next few weeks and I know if I continue with the surgery I will be 100% positive and ready but until then, I'll keep you guys updated on my journey! Thanks again!

Edited June 10, 2015 by lexiss22

[cantseemytoes 49]

I also liked to good out and have fun (party) when I was 21. That time of my life was fantastic and it's when I made the friends I still have at 40, so I understand. But when i was partying i didnt drink much. Not because i didnt want to, but because i had allergies that didnt allow me to drink many types of alcohol. So, i always ordered a drink, sipped it, and waited 15 minutes before taking another drink to make sure i didnt have a reaction. I still danced, laughed, flirted, and had a fantastic time. My friends knew about my allergies and never evwn brought up the dact that i would only have one or two drinks the entire night. You can still have your fun without drinking non stop. Going out with friends should be about enjoying the time with your friends, and that is not going to change.