Losing faith in myself

[India928 81]

This Friday, June 12th, I will have completed the last of all of my pre-op requirements then my package goes to the insurance company for review. In the interim, I am feeling so angry with myself. I have had good intentions of "starting post op behaviors" and am repeatedly disappointing myself. I have had intentions of: limiting my sugar intake; removing coffee; stop chewing gum; walking; meal prep......all of which I have been so inconsistent and unsuccessful with. This is scaring me! I am worrying that if I cant get it together NOW, at least successfully incorporate and accomplish ONE behavior modification pre-surgery, that I am going to ultimately fail.

I read all of these posts from pre-surgical candidates speaking of the great barriers they have overcome before their surgery date and feel like something must seriously be wrong with me. Why cant I get a grip and make one true, strong committed change like everyone else?! Does this mean I am not ready? Am I kidding myself? I have been seeing a therapist for the past few months, since I started this bariatric Quest, and she believes I will do fine. Stating that I need the surgery to help curtail the eating. I also see a nutritionist every two weeks, who has been trying to help me to put myself first. Why cant I do it!! Why wont I go for a walk? Workout on my elliptical; eat healthier NOW?

I feel so terribly lost.

I have written before, and not really received feedback but I want to thank you for at least providing me with an outlet to express myself.

Good luck to each of you.

Edited June 8, 2015 by India928

[moltoguy 7]

Dear India928,

Hang in there! You will have good days and bad. I am almost exactly where you are in the process. I've finished the 3 month gauntlet of pre-insurance tests and approvals and my doc sent the package to my insurance late last week.

I've had excellent days and not so good ones too. At first I was on fire and really changed my diet and dropped 30 lbs. But last week I didn't lose any and felt some of my bad habits surfacing again. This week I'm getting back on the horse and am going to get back into a groove. I think it's hard to keep it up when were still hanging waiting to hear back on insurance. For me I think once I know it's approved and I get a surgery date I'll be very focused and will do better sticking to my diet. I've been trying to stick to Protein and avoid carbs and have been drinking different Protein Drinks to get used to it being part of my life. Were human and have a lifetime of bad habits to overcome but just stick with it. I have some significant health issues that limit my ability to exercise so I understand how hard it is. I just try to do something, anything to keep it in a daily routine, even just lifting 5 lbs hand weights when I sit. Take care!

[Bronxmerci 312]

You will be fine dont be so hard on yourself, i will be 8 months post op on the 13th and trust me it will fall into place. At first you wont even feel hungry and that starts a habit of not wanting the things you wanted before. Most people have to do a two week pre op diet, i didnt and idk how i would of did it anyways. You will be successful and this tool will help you in terms of cutting things out and starting a new lifestyle. Even if after you get it, you feel hungry most things wont settle the same or taste the same.

[MarylandCrab 25]

Oh my gosh! Where were you last Thursday! I went through this exact same line of thought. I have finished all of my pre-op clearances, and was heading to my final nutritionist appointment. I have lost a total of THREE pounds in the last 6 months. That's it. I was so upset with myself. I felt like a total failure and was in tears most of the day.

My nutritionist said that since I am hoping to have surgery in July, that I should start the pre-op diet now. She said I need to lose 20lbs and that the doc would look at my weight last Thursday and compare it to my weight for my doc appointment before the surgery and if no weight loss, no surgery.

I guess that was the switch I needed flipped. Sorry to turn this around on myself, but I just wanted you to know, you are not alone! If this was easy, none of us would be in this situation. I wish I had great advice to help you make all of the changes that you need to make. I know that I started reading a book about why I self-sabotage and how to start making the changes I need to make....I also called a psychologist to get some help and some support for my emotional problems that are causing me to rely on food.

I hope you can find your switch. Keep posting!

[Amylou 206]

Are you familiar with 12 Step programs? Their mantra is one day at a time...and if that's too overwhelming, one hour at a time...and if that's too much, one moment at a time. Focus on successful hours. Focus on moments of success. You can do this.

[Dreamweaver103 22]

Perhaps you are trying to make too many changes at one time. Focus on one behavior change at a time! Start with small changes and be sure to give yourself credit for them! You can do this!

[alicia54 36]

relax take some deep breaths and then take some baby steps and you will be able to get with the orogram you are not alone

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

There are many approaches to this..including the "prove you are ready" theory.

I came to understand when the disease of obesity becomes really advanced your physical drive to eat is almost overwhelming. At over 300 pounds. ..just moving around was painful. .forget about exercise.

Luckily I was blessed with a surgical practice that helped me understand all this and it removed much guilt. I made no progress until I was sleeved and then I kicked butt. Maybe you are one of those?

[ohjul 51]

I think you have a lot of company here- we didn't get here because we are really good at dieting- be kind to yourself- you'll get there- we all will!

[lisaanewme67 123]

I'm 3 days post op & trust me I struggled with the preop phase...I felt I had to get it all "in" before I had to change my life forever. I did give it my best the last pre-op week However, once you have the surgery, everything will fall into place very easily. Just slow down STOPP jumping the gun so to say. This is not an overnight process. If you fall Into the wrong habits post op, you will pay so it will only take u once to make that mistake. i dont mean weight gain, i mean pain, your body will reject anything it shouldn't have!!! One day at a time. Take this process all in and you will be fine. TRUST me, I been where you are but I'm here now and its GREAT. You are aware of it and not in denial which is s HUGE step!!

[India928 81]

Thank you so much to each of you for responding. Your encouragement and reassurances are helping tremendously! I'm comforted in knowing I am not alone with my frustrations.

[christina.banks 5]

don't be so hard on yourself. We all have this issue of not getting up off the couch to exercise. That is why we are here. I think that you are trying to do too many good things for yourself at one time and it seems like a insurmountable hill to climb. I used to do the same thing!! I suggest picking on thing and working on that. One of my professors used to say, you don't eat a whole apple pie at once do you? (ok, well that might be a bad example cause I could totally eat an entire apple pie but its the idea) You eat it one piece at a time. Start first by stopping chewing gum. Something fairly easy so you can have a success and then once that habit is nixed, go on to another habit. Best of luck to you in your endeavor! I know you can do it!!

[Mobeans63 32]

@@India928, I would love to connect with you about some very similar feelings! Any way we can do that?