How did you handle the nay sayers ?

[antpatte 17]

So I told a friend of mine last night that I was going to Mexico for the surgery - she asked what part and when I told ehr Tijuana - she flipped .. Are you fu@#*&* kidding me - that place is a shit whole - why would you even go there. Like how do you responde to that. I am so hurt and so upset - I thought she was a friend of mine - my other friend looked at me and said Patty you are a smart lade I know you did your research and if this is what you are choosing to do then I support you 100% - Just wondering how you handled the negative nellies as I like to call her

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Well, it's no secret on this forum that bariatric surgey will exspose the raw dynamics of your relationships and you find out who supports you and who dissapoints you. The process is a blessing in disguise. Your presumed "friends" will boldly speak out against your choices for your own health care as if it is their business. Do not give away your power. Become your own baiatric evangelist. You can speak up just as much as she can.

You could ask her to explain to you the different types of bariatric surgery and what specifically is the problem with the facility you are going to. Ask her who is the surgeon you will have and how you will be cared for. Ask he is she is willing to "gift" with the funds to have surgery done near your home. You will find that she knows nothing and is not willing to give you a dime. Some friend. Sorry, but it's no loss. Aren't you relieved now that you know what kind of "friend" she really is? Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago

[mzsweetb 15]

I told one friend i was thinking about going mexico. Because of her response i am not being as open with ppl as i thought i would be. She never ever ask me if i as still going what is my plans she was just so negative. About the whole thing. I have enough to worry about so only ppl that need to know will know

[alindsey 230]

I didn't tell anyone for this very reason! It's no ones business and people are just mean nasty jealous negative and no fun!! Lol only my mom knows and I'm completely happy with it this way!

[theother_onefoot 122]

I told a couple close friends of mine -- or a close friend couple, rather -- that I was planning to get it done. They wrinkled their noses at me in disbelief with loud, "WHY??"s. They said I didn't need to lose weight, that I looked good for being bigger. But then...both of them are over 300 lbs, even if the woman is just barely so. It's really hard telling bigger people that you're having surgery because when they see you as smaller than them, they think you look great. But I'm pushing my highest weight ever, almost 260 lbs, and while I love my body, I DON'T love my body how it is. I love my body to know that I am torturing it with this extra weight. I love my body enough to get the WLS and make it healthy again.

When I told them the timeline I was looking at, the husband told me I was selfish and I got it on a date that might have recovery interfere with a trip they wanted to go on with me and my boyfriend for his wife's birthday because no one has shown up for her her last two birthdays..... We've become close, but we haven't even been friends long enough to go to any of her past birthdays or else we would have shown up! I hate that he made me feel guilty and selfish. And even she was like, "you're waiting for this long, can't you wait a little more?" But the next available time for me would have been another six months out!

Then the next few times I hung out with them, they tried to talk to me about how I could lose the weight on my own and, "oh, try this Protein drink. You like it? I can get you some." But both of them have previously had successful weight loss on a significant scale and I haven't. I have no history of ups and downs, just ups and I've tried all the crazy diets. Add a bum thyroid on there and it isn't helping!

They said they would support me even if they didn't agree with it, and that's fine. I don't need them to. And if I'm being selfish, then I deserve to be. This is my body, my health, and my life. So even though it hurts from people I'm close to, you just have to take it with a BIG grain of salt and remind yourself why you're doing this.

FOR YOU. And that's all that matters.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Benjamin Franklin said, "Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

Now that you know where she stands, you can just avoid her and drop back on unnecessary contact.

You can speak up just as much as she can. In the future just tell her that you will no longer discuss your personal healthcare decisions with her. Keep changing the subject until she gets the point. Don't give away your power.

[Heatherrc1 37]

The friendships I have are real. We have discussions, we don't just talk. We discuss pros and cons and give our opinions and although we don't always agree on the outcome we always have respect for the others decision. My grandpa told me if you can count your real friends on one hand at the end of your life you have really done something. How true that statement is.

[JamieLogical 8,708]

Did she even give you a chance to explain that you had done your research and made an intelligent decision? I find it a little alarming that a "friend" would have so little faith in your judgement. But if you can get her to calm down and at least listen, maybe you can try to explain a little about why you chose to have surgery in TJ and your surgeon. Maybe once it's clear to her that you really have done your research and know what you are doing, she will chill out a little.

[antpatte 17]

Did she even give you a chance to explain that you had done your research and made an intelligent decision? I find it a little alarming that a "friend" would have so little faith in your judgement. But if you can get her to calm down and at least listen, maybe you can try to explain a little about why you chose to have surgery in TJ and your surgeon. Maybe once it's clear to her that you really have done your research and know what you are doing, she will chill out a little.

You know I think that is what hurt me the most is that she had so little faith in my judgement. Really made me feel stupid and not only that this happened in front of some other friends . I am slowly starting to realize she is not the friend I thought she was

[Memilie80 18]

I've only told my mom and my husband. Everybody at work (I'm an RN) thinks I'm having it done at home. My mom was skeptical, she's also a nurse, but agreed to come with me. She said she feels better seeing it up close and feels like she can 'protect' me if she sees something she doesn't like. We live far apart so it will be a little mini-vacation for us as well. I'm 34 but four days with my mom taking care of me sounds amazing! I will tell other people only when it is over and done with.

[nursey 46 38]

I have been researching surgery in Mexico if I get denied through my insurance. I feel confident and at ease with going to Mexico if need be......the only problem will be my mother. She will do everything she can think of to keep me from going to Mexico including threatning to disown me. She really wouldn't but just the stress of the arguing I'm not looking forward to. Any suggestions anybody?

[antpatte 17]

I have been researching surgery in Mexico if I get denied through my insurance. I feel confident and at ease with going to Mexico if need be......the only problem will be my mother. She will do everything she can think of to keep me from going to Mexico including threatning to disown me. She really wouldn't but just the stress of the arguing I'm not looking forward to. Any suggestions anybody?

I was afraid I was going to have an issue with my mom as well - I just told her I am 43 years old and you have to trust I am smart enough to have done my research and trust in my judgement.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I don't understand why grown women feel they have to tell their mothers about WLS, even though they know the mothers will have a fit.

I have always adored my mother. But I've never told her about any decision I've made that I knew would give her anxiety.

[antpatte 17]

Because my mother loves and cares about me and would want to know these things. If I went off to Mexico and had surgery and did not tell her and something happened to me she would be devastated.

[The Candidate 3,215]

@@antpatte I totally agree. Whether she agreed with my decision or not, there was no way in the world I could have excluded my mother from my plans. I love her too much to have her find out "after the fact" if something should go wrong. That would be paramount to disrespect in my book. I could never do that to her.

But I'm very lucky in that I have the full support of my family, and always have, in every aspect of my life. I especially treasure their support too as I'm the only one in my immediate family who is obese. Had I come from a more negative upbringing I may have approached things differently. We all go by our own life experiences.