What happened in your relationship after surgery?

[lisa0617 54]

I really hope that is what happens for me. As far as my sister she says that she is happy she had the surgery but when I try to talk to her I get the impression she is trying to talk me out of it.

[NthQldAus 22]

Thank you for your posts. I think you are right its already a problem. I can't figure out what he wants.

As a married man who has gone through the surgery, and because this forum appears to be mostly women, I feel like I should stick up for your feller just a little bit.

You have to remember that us men aren't mind readers. You have questions about your relationship - thats pretty normal - but by your own admission instead of sitting him down, treating him with some respect and plain out asking him, you're asking a web forum.

He obviously cares for you - otherwise you wouldn't be married in the first place. And I can guarentee that if you lose a lot of weight, some Mr.Darcey will try and get in your pants because single men after an easy-one-nighter always appear better than they are - But I say sod them. If you love him, fight for your marriage and be blunt with him. Talk to him.

If he wants nothing to do with it - then at least you gave him a fair chance and you need face-to-face discussions about councilling or a break up.

A relationship is a two way thing. Now, im not saying for one minute he's mr.perfect, or that i know anywhere near enough to make a judgement on either of you - but if your marriage fails, its because the marriage failed. Not just one of you failing.

I do wish you all the best with both your marriage, and your personal journey.

Edited July 13, 2015 by NthQldAus

[lisa0617 54]

Thank you for giving me the male perspective. I talk to him all the time. I believe that communication is essential in working through this. I love my husband and would never hurt him. The issue is that he thinks that I am not taking his feelings into account but he is wrong. I thought about everything. He needs to take how my life is into account. It is for both of us even though he disagrees.

[jane13 2,256]

@@lisa0617 - do the surgery for you. but talk to your hubby, having him onboard will make a world of difference. if the marriage is not going to make it then you don't need that kind of drama along with WLS too.

[NthQldAus 22]

Thank you for giving me the male perspective. I talk to him all the time. I believe that communication is essential in working through this. I love my husband and would never hurt him. The issue is that he thinks that I am not taking his feelings into account but he is wrong. I thought about everything. He needs to take how my life is into account. It is for both of us even though he disagrees.

May I ask what his reservations are? What are his main concerns? Other than potential jealousy, is he insecure in his own body (something I know all too well)?

Edited July 14, 2015 by NthQldAus

[lisa0617 54]

He says I will be ruining his life. He loves eating. He is afraid something will happen. He would NEVER admit to jealousy. He just needs to see it will be ok.

[NthQldAus 22]

Did he mention exactly what it is about you having surgery that effects him eating? Surely your happiness means more to him than his love of food?

It will always be difficult to educate those who do not wish to be educated. I reckon, and if you were my wife, I would respect you if you put your foot down, said ''Look, it's something I'm going to do for me. For us. If you don't want to be a part of it now, I won't pretend I'm not disappointed - but I'm going to do this. I need to do this. If you're not willing to get on board and learn the numerous benifits this will have on our lives, then thats ok. But in time, you'll come to realize this is a positive decision for us.''

If he shuns away after that, then so be it. It'll be far tougher going through this without his support - but it's by no means impossible. You can do it!

[lisa0617 54]

I don't know how it affects him but I was a vegetarian for 2 years and he was miserable. I ruined his life in his words. I ask him all the time and he never has an answer that makes sense. I am going to do this because I can't win no matter what I do. A simple diet throws him off.

[Daisydawn34 41]

My husband is not supportive I believe he is afraid I have not had my surgery yet my date October 6. It is very difficult he will not listen to me after any of my checkup says he doesn't want to hear about it. It does hurt but this is for me. I am 36 with 5 kids I need to make a positive. Change in my life for me.

[mngreeneyes 674]

I am just beginning this part of my journey. (This is my first post!) I had my informational session on Wednesday and have my initial clinic visit on August 7. I am single so its not a SO that I am worried about. Its my parents and brothers, to the point that I am trying to figure out if I want to tell them. I am the only morbidly obese person in my family although my mom's mom was larger than I am. They have never been good at supporting me when I was trying to lose weight in the past. I know they mean well, but they have a bad habit of fat shaming. I have promised one of my friends that before I decide NOT to tell them, I have to discuss it with my psychologist.Any suggestions on talking to them about the surgery? Anything that worked well for you talking to someone who hadn't been supportive before?

pam

[lisa0617 54]

I don't really understand the mentality of people who are not supportive of their love ones. Daisy did your husband tell you why he is acting that way? I find it is causing a big distance between us. As far as other people I heard people lose friends they are treated differently at work. After my experiences I don't want to tell anyone I don't have to,

[purplegirl20073 33]

I am just beginning this part of my journey. (This is my first post!) I had my informational session on Wednesday and have my initial clinic visit on August 7. I am single so its not a SO that I am worried about. Its my parents and brothers, to the point that I am trying to figure out if I want to tell them. I am the only morbidly obese person in my family although my mom's mom was larger than I am. They have never been good at supporting me when I was trying to lose weight in the past. I know they mean well, but they have a bad habit of fat shaming. I have promised one of my friends that before I decide NOT to tell them, I have to discuss it with my psychologist.Any suggestions on talking to them about the surgery? Anything that worked well for you talking to someone who hadn't been supportive before?

pam

I just want to say that my mom is one of those skinny people that can eat anything and never gain an ounce. She was never very supportive. She just always said what everyone else says. "Just eat less and you will lose". She didn't realize that it's not that easy. I brought her with me to the informational seminar so she could hear the science behind it straight from the horse's mouth. She learned a lot and now she is my biggest supporter.

[Daisydawn34 41]

I don't really know he can be mean about it tells me I'm going to leave my kids an orphan. If something goes wrong. It's like he doesn't want me to better myself. My mom is the same way and I don't even talk to her about it anymore. My decision is made they don't walk in my shoes everyday or know how years of being overweight effects me emotionally and physically. I just keep going foward and try to get support and encouragement from those wh have been there before. My surgery is oct. 6 th. I hope you find the support you need. It is really a wonderful thin to have others believe in you so you do not have to go this journey alone

[mngreeneyes 674]

I just want to say that my mom is one of those skinny people that can eat anything and never gain an ounce. She was never very supportive. She just always said what everyone else says. "Just eat less and you will lose". She didn't realize that it's not that easy. I brought her with me to the informational seminar so she could hear the science behind it straight from the horse's mouth. She learned a lot and now she is my biggest supporter.

I am just beginning this part of my journey. (This is my first post!) I had my informational session on Wednesday and have my initial clinic visit on August 7. I am single so its not a SO that I am worried about. Its my parents and brothers, to the point that I am trying to figure out if I want to tell them. I am the only morbidly obese person in my family although my mom's mom was larger than I am. They have never been good at supporting me when I was trying to lose weight in the past. I know they mean well, but they have a bad habit of fat shaming. I have promised one of my friends that before I decide NOT to tell them, I have to discuss it with my psychologist.Any suggestions on talking to them about the surgery? Anything that worked well for you talking to someone who hadn't been supportive before?

pam

That's a great idea. I can't do that with most of my family, but Mom and maybe Dad would come to an informational session. I want to make sure things are rolling and I have answers to my own questions before I tell them. Thank you for the suggestion.

pam

[purplegirl20073 33]

I just want to say that my mom is one of those skinny people that can eat anything and never gain an ounce. She was never very supportive. She just always said what everyone else says. "Just eat less and you will lose". She didn't realize that it's not that easy. I brought her with me to the informational seminar so she could hear the science behind it straight from the horse's mouth. She learned a lot and now she is my biggest supporter.

I am just beginning this part of my journey. (This is my first post!) I had my informational session on Wednesday and have my initial clinic visit on August 7. I am single so its not a SO that I am worried about. Its my parents and brothers, to the point that I am trying to figure out if I want to tell them. I am the only morbidly obese person in my family although my mom's mom was larger than I am. They have never been good at supporting me when I was trying to lose weight in the past. I know they mean well, but they have a bad habit of fat shaming. I have promised one of my friends that before I decide NOT to tell them, I have to discuss it with my psychologist.Any suggestions on talking to them about the surgery? Anything that worked well for you talking to someone who hadn't been supportive before?

pam

That's a great idea. I can't do that with most of my family, but Mom and maybe Dad would come to an informational session. I want to make sure things are rolling and I have answers to my own questions before I tell them. Thank you for the suggestion.

pam

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully they see things in a different way after attending.