Nosey co-worker

[julias1119 27]

Hi all, so I'm 10 days out from rny and I'm having the most irritating experience with a co-worker. I have been very guarded with whom I have told about my upcoming surgery for this very reason. Apparently I wasn't careful enough.

Turns out, this woman found out because she eavesdropped on a call about a month ago while I was arranging my pre-op appointments. Ever since then she has been constantly trying to engage me in conversations about my surgery. Her favorite topics are whether or not I've cheated on my pre-op diet, and whether or not I've given any thought to how much plastic surgery I will need after my weight loss.

Well, I've been pretty much nodding, smiling, and trying to change the subject but just a few minutes ago she came into my office and went body part by body part telling me where she thought I would and would not need plastic surgery! According to her, my arms will be ok, but I will definitely need it on my stomach! I finally cut her off midsentence by saying, sorry, I have to run I'm late for a meeting.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I'm just so appalled that she would think that's in any way acceptable.

[CloserToFine 172]

Hi julias1119,

I'm a newbie here (my vsg is June 18) but I can say one thing with certainty: your co-worker's intrusiveness is all about what's going on in HER life, not yours.

I have a feeling that she is fixated on your surgery because (a) she is interested in having the surgery herself, ( she wishes she could have the surgery but cannot do so for some reason, © she knows someone who has had or is getting the surgery, (d) she's had the surgery herself. Make no mistake about it: her questions are irritating, inconsiderate, and just generally none of her business. Her behavior is badgering. But I really suspect that the badgering comes from a very personal place; this really hits home for her, for reasons you may never know.

Just my 2 cents. Hang in there and best of luck with everything.

[<3 Carolina Girl <3 84]

Oh, this is the type of person you need to put in their place real quick.

"Thank you for your concern, but you only know about my situation because you were listening in on my personal calls - I did not intentionally to share this with you. I am not interested in discussing this with you, as it is a personal matter that does not involve you."

If it persists, speak with your and/or her supervisor.

I feel for you...I'd be so pissed!

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

Agree with @@CloserToFine and Carolina. It is definitely coming from inside her.

I would look her dead in the eye and ask how does she know anything about it since you didn't tell anyone. Then I would tell her that you would really prefer not to discuss it at work and would appreciate her cooperation.

If word gets out then you know it is from her and I would report her also.

Good luck with your procedure!!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I agree. Tell her ONE TIME that you are not interested in discussing personal and / or medical issues with her. I also like the idea of quizzing her about how she found out and why does she want to know so much about it. If she persists, then approach Human Resources about it. Hippa privacy rights apply to you, too.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Just my opinion, but all the above answers are right on the money ! Geesh, you should all be psychology majors !! I agree she is waaayyyyy out of line but I never thought about it coming from HER life. Great insight !! Tell her politely ONCE that you prefer to discuss any and all medical iseues with your Dr. , if she persist tell her you will report it to HR . Done deal hopefully. Good luck !!!

[peaceout 273]

I'm wondering how you let her do that to you without sucker-punching her nosy little face.

Then again, I'm sure you'd like to keep your job. But still.

ETA: It submitted before I was done! Now I sound like a super-aggressive person with anger issues.

All the above suggestions are way better and more mature than mine, and you should definitely take their advice. Good luck to you on your journey!

Edited June 4, 2015 by WingFan55

[julias1119 27]

Thank you guys for the advice. I'm feeling much better about it now. And I realize her comments are totally about her (she is also obese and told me when she "found out" that she too has considered surgery.) So my gut instinct is that she is coming from a place of jealousy.

I've decided to let it go for now because tomorrow is the last day I will see her for a while. But if she brings it up between now and then she will be lucky if she doesn't get a swift kick to the throat. Just kidding.

[2Big2Skate 328]

If she is considering the surgery too, I wouldn't be too hard on her. We all needed someone to teach us about the possibilities of WLS. Maybe you could help her? Maybe your success will encourage her and you two will end up as sisters-in-arms enjoying long term health and happiness?

(while still encouraging her to maintain boundaries and confidentiality at the workplace)

Maybe this is one of those pay-it-forward moments?

Jay

[Bandora 136]

I would take her aside and ask her why she is so obsessed with you. I would ask her point blank if she looking for more information on the procedure or is she just being nosy. I think it is a combination of curiousity & jealousy. Give her a referral and just ask her to respect the workplace and not discuss anymore. The plastic surgery comments are out of line as that is not appropriate in any workplace. Good luck !

[Stevehud 1,790]

Or just nicely say, " I'm really not interested with what may happen in the future and really would appreciate not having to discuss it., thanks for thinking about me."

It says Hey shut up, while letting them feel good about themselves, and avoiding any HR flareups.

[VDB 800]

my favorite with these personality types is two words. That's private. If she persists, use them again. If she still won't shut up, refuse to talk and walk away.

[chunkycharlie 26]

Maybe she likes you ?

Maybe she wants it done too and doesn't know how else to ask?

[liannatx 897]

@@CloserToFine, I love your take on this. I also think that this might be coming from a personal place.