tension at home

[All done 36]

The topic says it all. Since I have decided to get the surgery life at home has become very tense and sometimes just about unbearable. My husband and I do not see eye to eye on me getting my surgery at all. I have the deposit paid and flights booked for June 17th. . It isn't that he is worried so much as he said that he will feel guilty eating around me. Orb the other one was about going for Christmas dinner and eating the buffet I won't be able to really eat much.

My husband I think forgot who he married. I am very independent and strong self employed business woman who spent may years before him single and capable. During one of our counselling sessions he said that he felt this decision should be one we both make and why can't I just hire a trainer and do weight watchers.. my response was "it's my body my decision" I don't know where he got the idea that he had any say over my body wether it's a tattoo or anything else.

I do understand that it can be scary for those around us but he kept trying to push me to the band cause its not permanent "I am doing the sleeve" because I love the fact that this tool is permanent.

Our marriage has become very distant and cold. I have felt myself resenting him for almost everything. I am still going to counselling without him as I am trying to get over the anger I feel towards him...it's a very hard thing to do for me.

when we got married in told him I was not the typel girl who would ask to do things. I wouldn't be waiting at home with dinner cooked. I am 45 years old and have a very good life and he was the same.

It is hard not to share the excitement I have going on in side with him I just want to tell him everything I learn and read but that isn't going to happen. I feel that I am completely alone on this and it does make me sad. I know I can't force him to love the idea, but I would like him to accept my decision.

He said to me that I was choosing the surgery over the marriage and I replied back that I was choosing me over the marriage. I am probably being harsh and selfish but I am okay with that.

So I was just throwing this out there for anyone who is feeling the same way or is struggling with lack of support from those close to you.

It just makes it feel a bit better to get it off my chest in here because I have only told a few very close people in my life. None of them are married lol

Can't wait to be on the losers bench...

[shellyd88 463]

Hey hi it may be that he is just scared perhaps it will pass if it doesn't well it's going to have yo be his problem not yours if u need to do the surgery then u do as u said its not his or anyone else decision it's yours it's normal to feel guilty about eating in front people who can't that's temporary tho u will eat just not as much I've told my husband and friends eat what u want this is my issue not yours I have to be in control of what and how much this is a tool that helps it's doesn't fix anything no one has the right to expect u to ask their permission or approval to have a healthier happier longer and better quality of life that's not love it's more like control and that belongs in your hands best of luck to you

[judyoz 240]

I personally would not have the surgery without my husbands full support. But we are best friends. I do understand what you are saying though because I am independent as well.

[AvaFern 3,516]

You sound a lot like me. Never in my life have I made a decision where I sought a man's approval first. I am also self-employed, successful, and quite happy with or without a guy in my life. My perspective has always been that the day someone tells me how to spend my time or my money is the day I'm done with them and that would include telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my body. I would never tell a man that he couldn't have the vast majority of surgeries (vasectomy or sex change, I'd have an opinion) and as such, I would expect that he respect my wishes as well. My approach is a bit harsh, however I would let your husband know that he has two options, he can accept your decision and be the supportive partner he should be or he can choose to continue to act the way he is acting, you will still have the surgery, and in the event he no longer is able to fulfill your emotional and physical needs, you will be going elsewhere. Life is to short for grown women to have to deal with little boy bs. Either he steps up or he gets out. Either way you win.

[shellyd88 463]

@@AvaFern amen... applause couldn't agree more laughing at little boy bs so true screw that

[maggie409 765]

You say he is worried that HE will feel guilty eating in front of you and HE won't be able to enjoy the holiday meals with you. In my past I have had men that prefer a big woman sexually. I dated a guy once that was upset that I lost 10 pounds because he prefers a BBW. When I told him I wanted to lose weight and hoped to some day be thin he broke off our relationship.

He needs to do some sole searching. He needs to see this isn't about him. It's about you and your choice and your health

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Tell him that if he prefers a BBW, go get one because YOU are going to do what it takes to get healthy. Life is too short to live with a jerk.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Perhaps invite him to go to a meeting with your surgeon. It might ease his mind. Surgery is not the only way to lose weight, but keeping it off is another thing. And as far as not eating much at a buffett... tell him its just more for him! Really, I think some men are afraid that you will get slim and leave him for another man. I would just re asure him that you guys can work out the food thing, and you are doing it for your health, so you can spend a long healthy life together. If thats not enough..... there may be something else bothering him .

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@ My hubs was a little like that too, at first. I just decided to use my support from others instead of expecting support from him. BariatricPal was a huge help. I also have a huge support group at work. I did have the surgery. Once I had the date, and had all my pre-op appts done, he knew I wasn't kidding. (I think he thought he could change my mind) He is now my biggest supporter. He is a big help, in cooking and pureeing meat for me in the soft food stage, and helping me track my Protein, and Water. I hope yours comes around for you too. If not then, he's made his choice, hasn't he?

[liannatx 897]

I think he probably feels left out. It is such a big life changing decision. It is easy to say it is 'our body, our decision' but it does impact our spouse... he is coming to terms and struggling to see how he will fit in with the "new" you, and he isn't getting any reassurance. Men are like children sometimes,,, maybe he really wants you to tell him that you will love him no matter what you weigh just as he has always loved you no matter what you weighed.

[alindsey 230]

I hope he comes around Sorry Hun keep your head up! He will come around though I bet when you start getting that banging body lol!????????

[highonlifega1970 11]

I'm in the same boat.Been married 25 yes and over weight 20 of them.I'm so determine to do this with or without his support. I have a lot of health issues ,so I'm putting myself first.He want discuss nothing about wls but that's OK.Your husband will come to terms if not like you said "Your life ,your body".I'm waiting on insurance approval ,if I don't get approved I'm going to mexico with or without him.So keep your head high we are all here for you.

[rosieuk 58]

I totally agree with 'your body your decision'. But from experience, it's important to have support, in those first few days. Physical at least, if not emotional. So please make sure you have that. I think he sounds scared and can't articulate it. Could you sit down and talk to him about what the benefits will be for you as a couple? And ask what is really behind his concern? At the end of the day it's your decision alone, but having your spouse on board will help you both on the journey

[All done 36]

I agree it is important to have support. If I wasnt the type if person who said keep our money separate etc...I wouldn't be having the surgery he already said that...he thinks it is "ridiculous" to spend money on this. We did have a chat tonight and we discussed our marriage and I have no doubt that this has severely damaged us.

I am shocked actually how he is acting. He said he will support me cause his feelings mean nothing to me. I told him well that's not true but he doesn't get a say in this. I do have support my son has stepped up and is helping me and my manager who has been with me for 7 years at my restaurant has a copy of the diet plan and is trying out new broths and keeping track of Protein etc for me...I also have everyone on here and the Facebook group I am with. He said that he doesn't fell secure in the marriage anymore. My response was then he needs to get help with that because nothing has changed except he ant tell me what to do which it has been like that the whole time. ..I think he is insecure with the out come. ..sad to say but I think he likes me over weight and not attractive makes him feel secure. ..I suggested he go see the therapist...because I will be changing over the next year and I was hoping he would be right beside me when I do. ..but I can see that's not going to happen...

thank you all you beautiful wonderful people on here...your support and suggestions it has mentioned the world to me...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'm sorry your husband is being so weird about this.

I'm one of the lucky ones -- my husband said, "However you want to tackle this is fine with me. How can I support you?"

I really hope your guy can get his act together. If not, ....

You're going to feel so good when you reach your goals.