To tell or not?

[choosehope 233]

I am seriously considering WLS and am attending a seminar on Saturday. One of my concerns is telling anyone about it. My family and friends have watched me do program after program, succeed and then fail for the past thirty years. It just feels too overwhelming to have everyone watching and commenting. (Particularly if I have it and blow it or if I end up not having it.)

Additionally, if I can have the surgery, it will be somewhat high risk as I have a bleeding disorder. It was discovered when I bled out after a hysterectomy. There are things they can do to control it, but I know my family will be worried to death about it.

I live in the same town with all my family - dad and siblings - and don't know how I can have surgery without them knowing. I fear it would be too much stress for my elderly father. Plus my closest friends work at the hospitals where I could have it.

I'd love to know how others handled telling people about it and how you who kept it secret were able to keep it secret.

Thanks!!

[Lacey_dream 8]

Well in my opinion I never felt bad talking about being banded I tell everyone because I wanna help people in my situation and I might get help as well cuz no ones perfect. It is nothing to be ashamed of at all you have been brave enough to face changing yourself and making yourself healthier. I have struggles and it's nice that I can call my family and talk to them about it for support. My whole family is obese and I have gotten my mother stepfather and aunt was parents with Lapband and aunt with sleeve. I can a tell you that they are your family and friends they should love and support you. If you get the Lapband recovery is quick and I was at work the next day no biggie only pain I had was the gas from being blown up I had no soreness nttn. If you go for other more aggressive surgery recovery is a bit longer and noticeable. I hope everything works out for you and don't scare yourself they r your family and friends they will support you and Love you and want you to be healthy.

[AussieSam 234]

Do what's best for you but I believe if you keep it on the low for awhile and then you can tell them a few weeks after the surgery.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I would suggest waiting at least until you are positive it is going to happen. Once you have a surgery date you might talk with just a few of your family members and make sure you pass on your education about this surgery and the obesity disease.

Once they understand and see that you are making this change to prolong your life, hopefully they will become very supportive.

Also, you will not fail. To be successful you have to have a positive attitude going in. The reality is if you follow the plan your doctors give you, you won't fail. The weight will come off forever.

That is the difference with WLS. Every pound you lose is forever if you make the changes in your life. Your new tummy is the tool that will get you to your goals and help you stay a thinner healthier person.

I wish you the best of luck!

[armywife79 123]

Well, you really don't have to say anything to anyone until you want to ever. The hospital is obligated to keep everything private so, for all your family need know, you could be having any type of surgical procedure. If this is important for you during your process, discuss it with your medical team and be sure they know this and that they do not share information with anyone. You are by far not the only person to want this kept quiet. I am the polar opposite, I tell everyone and anyone who wants to know but, that is what I am comfortable with and I always hope people respect that, just as I hope people would respect me if I wanted privacy. Maybe you will feel more free to speak openly about your journey to health after you have a successful surgery and some significant weight loss but, it should always be your choice. That is what this is all about, you making new and good choices just for you and no one else. Above all else, I hope whatever you decide, it makes you happy and healthy! Good luck!

[RebekahAnn 0]

For me, personally, I knew that I had to ease my family into my decision. Primarily because they are my only form or transportation and support. So, eventually they'd find out. However, if given a choice, I wouldn't have wanted to tell them. So far, they've all been supportive, however its known that my mom isnt thrilled about it.

Edited May 20, 2015 by RebekahAnn

[imjenn 167]

I originally decided I didn't want to tell anybody besides my parents and my sister but after I had the actual surgery I realized I didn't care what people thought. I didn't do it for them, I did it for me.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I did not want to tell anyone, pre-op. I have many trust issues and have plenty of defensive walls built up over the years, from being bullied and taunted about my weight. So I kept it to myself.

So I live by this simple rule - You can always tell someone, but you can't untell them if you change your mind.

I didn't worry about how anyone would feel if I didn't tell them. When I felt comfortable.... many months later, I wasn't worried who knew about the surgery. But, even, 29 months post-op, I don't volunteer any WLS information, unless I am directly asked about it.

[sharonintx 1,275]

The only people I told beforehand were my kids and husband. My mom, brother, and everyone else found out when I came back from having the surgery. Surprise! You can imagine the interesting responses I got.

But it was done and over with and none of them had to worry about me and they didn't have a chance to offer any opinions on having WLS. It was finished already.

[cantseemytoes 49]

At first I told only my husband, but I knew I'd tell my mom and sister early on. I told them very soon afterwords. My sister was very excited, my mother was very concerned but, as always, supportive. I didn't tell my dad and brother until I was at the end of the process and just waiting to schedule surgery. They were surprisingly very supportive.

I kept going back and forth about telling coworkers because I haven't been at my current job for very long. It came up in a group discussion and I ended up mentioning to my walking partner that I was thinking about it and I answered all her questions. We never talked about it again, until this morning when I mentioned that I'd be out for 3 weeks and she said "so you decided to do it." I don't think she'll say anything, but part of me wishes she didn't know. At the same time, part of me want to tell all my coworkers because I'd rather they hear from me than speculate behind my back. (I worked with someone that had obviously had surgery but tried to pretend she didn't) I'm 2 weeks away from surgery. I've decided to not tell anyone about it for now; however, I will be open and honest with anyone that asks about it either before or after surgery.

[kwcrnp 63]

I only told my daughter when I started the process. I knew my Mom would be supportive but would also nag me about my progress pre-op (5mons). Once I had approval and a date, I told my son (teenager, dgt is in college) and my Mom. Both were very supportive.

I work at the hospital I had my surgery done at so that was a bit awkward and I only told one person in my group pre op. Then I saw another from my group when I was 1 day post op and walking the hall. When I returned from leave, I told most of my coworkers. I did not tell them all as we have several that are gossips and negative ninnies! As I loose if someone asks I will tell but only if they ask directly. I will not deny it but honestly there is still old fashion lifestyle changes, exercise and smarting eating that will make you successful so if you deny, it's not a complete lie

I personally recommend 1-2 people to support you through the pre op process, then tell close family once a date is set. From there it's simply your comfort on who needs to know.

Edited May 20, 2015 by kwcrnp

[hikergirl14 80]

I didn't tell anyone until I had received my surgery date. This way I felt that there was little chance of it not happening. I, too, have a bleeding disorder, but didn't find out until I had the DS. Luckily my doctor was on top of things and got the bleeding under control. All I can say is that you will have to figure out what is best for you. Good luck in whatever you choose.