With Trepidation

[choosehope 233]

After forty plus years of beating my head against the wall with diets and treatment for compulsive overeating, I finally made a reservation to attend a WLS informational meeting. My heart is beating out of my chest. I've tried every diet and treatment program or center possible. I've traveled around the United States going to the "best" places for help. I've lost over a hundred pounds twice, but I always gain it back. I just can't live like this any longer. I've been pretty lucky health wise until now, but things seem to be snowballing. I always thought I could handle this; that if I just had enough faith; or enough will; or enough strength that I could lose the weight and keep it off. As I get older, it is harder and harder. My reality is that if I don't do something about this that I am going to die a miserable death. BUT I am scared to death of WL surgery. I don't want anyone to know I'm considering it, but can't figure out how to keep it hidden if I go through with it. I'm scared of the surgery and whether or not I'm in good enough health to make it through the surgery. I'm afraid of Protein Drinks and not being able to tolerate them. Bottom line is that I am a bundle of fear. Praying I will even make it to the meeting on Saturday. Thinking about the sleeve. But I'm in my 50's and on medicare due to being on disability for a chronic pain condition. Don't know if I'll even qualify and that scares me as I don't know what the future holds if I can't have it. Back on Weight Watchers in the meantime. Looking for advice, suggestions, encouragement, warnings - anything you have. Thanks. Bethel

[Djmohr 6,965]

Hi there and welcome!

You have taken the first step to better health. I was very much like you when I began my weight loss journey. My health was deteriorating very rapidly. I had type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, reflux/Gerd, hypothyroidism, psoriatic arthritis, sleep apnea, degenerative disc disease and I had just been diagnosed with stage 3 kidney disease.

I was very sick and very miserable. I could walk for maybe 5 minutes on a good day. I thought I was going to die everytime I went up a flight of stairs. I also suffer from terrible Migraine headaches.

The day I was told my kidney disease was going to probably kill me was one of the worse days of my life.

I am 51 years old and way to young for all these health issues. It was my nephrologist who asked me if I had ever considered weight loss surgery. He gently suggested that this could put and end to many of my illnesses.

I immediately went home and started researching WLS. I got online and took an online seminar that evening which taught you all about the different surgery options and the benefits. I then had what felt like a million questions and I was very stressed about taking this step.

I have been on every diet you can think of since I had my second child when I was 19. I would lose 50, 75, 100 lbs and then gain it right back and then some.

I attended an in person weight loss seminar offered by my clinic. A nurse who was very thin showed up and low and behold she had gastric bypass some 15 years ago. I could hardly believe she had weighed over 400lbs.

I had the opportunity to ask all of my questions and learn about my options. From that moment on I got very excited about the possibility of losing this weight forever.

Over the next 9 months of testing, nutritionist visits and surgeon visits we built a plan for me to have RNY. This particular surgery was the gold standard for someone like me who had severe reflux. The other options could make that problem worse.

I had my surgery 7.5 months ago and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself! I am down 99lbs and have 45 to go.

No more diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, sleep apnea and most importantly no more stage 3 kidney disease!

I can walk for miles, run up and down the stairs. I can keep up and in most cases out pace my family members.

Please don't be afraid! Focus on the possibilities of a healthy future. I recovered do quickly from my surgery and have had no complications. It is worth it!

My advice would be to take a deep breath and go to that seminar. Research your options and make a decision that will prolong your life and give you a better quality life.

Please keep us posted on your progress. I am excited for you!

[Djmohr 6,965]

By the way, with your BMI you will qualify. Most insurance companies require either a BMI over 40 or a BMI over 35 with comorbitities.

I don't think you will have any problem qualifying.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

One step at a time.

That's all it takes.

It's that simple.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

May I suggest going to a local support group meeting, as well? Check your local hospital for the meetings. If they don't have one, call the surgeons offices for suggestions. They also may have reading material for you. Good luck on your journey!

[gowalking 10,790]

I was maybe six months away from going into a wheelchair when I got banded. My life was miserable due to the pain and loss of mobility. I was as frightened as you were in the beginning but I did what I had to and 2 1/2 years later, I've gotten a new lease on life. I can do almost anything an able bodied person can do.

I went on a date Sunday and we walked in the park. That's two amazing things that have happened to me...first that I can walk and second that I am dating.

The point is that your life will improve in ways you can't even imagine. I used this site and the folks here as my support and they have never let me down. I stay here to encourage other newbies like yourself who are also scared and in pain. You can have a wonderful quality of life...it's there just a little out of your reach...but it's there. I promise.

Good luck, keep us posted. Go to that seminar on Saturday..put one foot in front of the other and keep your eye on the prize.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I wish you could fast forward and see how wonderful your life will be one year post surgery. Absolutely everything changed for me. I'm 54 and I feel better than I did at 35. I had LapBand. Don't let fear stop you.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@ Fear is a powerful thing. It robs us of our freedom, if we allow it. Most of the time fear is what holds us back from doing all the things we want to do and becoming all that we could be.

The only way to deal with fear is to face it head on. Bite the bullet so to speak, look it right in the eye and acknowledge it but don't give any more power over you. Once you stand up to fear (and if you think about it this way...standing up to fear is tantamount to standing up to and for yourself) you will see how really small and insignificant it can be.

There are things in life that are to be respected, like Mother Nature. Her wrath can be very real in the form of tornado's hurricanes, landslides, earth quakes, Tsunami's. Yet we don't fear her, we respect her and we love her. The same has to be said for ourselves.

I can see you facing your fears already by posting here and sharing your story with us. By reading our responses to you, you have become that much braver about the subject.

You are just like all of us here. We have been obese, morbidly obese, super morbidly obese, down right FAT and we may have been called many many MANY names. Perhaps by kids, or mean spirited people and probably no so worse as the ones we have called ourselves.

Today there is only one difference, we didn't let any of it stop us. We faced up to those mean words, those looks of disgust, our horrible photo's our medical illness, the fear of not walking the pain of sitting, standing, eating, not eating and even the fear of dying.

Going one step at a time, we went through the process. We went to the meeting, we found the tolerable Protein Shakes (to be honest I still enjoy mine and go back to them when I need to) we found the ways that work for us and we work it every day and when we forget...or we are less than mindful we have each other, and we can look back at how far we have come and we keep on going.

You can do this. Go to the meeting, love yourself enough to take back your power and see where it takes you. Sometimes we need a hand, and that is all weight loss surgery is. It is a tool to help you continue on your journey of life to be the best possible you that you can be.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Oh yeah, Unjury chocolate actually tastes good and is not sickly sweet.

[choosehope 233]

Thank you all for your encouraging responses. If I'm honest, I think that the thing I am most afraid of it failing again. I know I'm a food addict. I've been in 12 step programs; I've been to residential treatment; I've been to short-term treatment - just to work really hard, do really well, and then gain it all back and become even worse. I hear so many stories of people who just eat past the limits that the surgery imposed. I'm so afraid that I will be one of those people. Without having a pity party, I have a long history of repeated failure in this area. I guess most people do who end up having bariatric surgery. But how do you know it will be different this time? I went into every program and most diets with determination and acceptance of powerlessness and a whatever it takes attitude to end up here again. I'm sorry if this post is a downer. I just have to know how to make this different.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

The dimming of physical hunger makes it different for me. I really believe I can do this for life now.

[lisacaron 5,075]

There are so many things that you go through as you move through the process to investigating surgery, prepping for surgery actually having surgery and then recovery from surgery. All of these things along with the physical changes that happen from the surgery it self all help to change your mind set about how to be successful, to find and maintain the life style that you want to live.

I too am a food addict, I have been through all that you have been through. Most of us here can say that. Having this added WLS tool is what helps us to be successful because even when we fall short, that tool is there for us and it helps to keep us on our path. When we want to give up, it's there to remind you that no you really don't want to give up your just having a bad day.

I set my goals, and let me tell you I have had more days than I want to admit to where I say ah, forget it. I'm tired or I am not doing to do this anymore and I want what I want. That usually works once for me, and then my WLS tool kicks in hits me upside my head and I learn the lesson really quick and I get back to doing things the way I should be.

That is why this is different. When I went to weight watchers, the leader would try to motivate me, and the other WW in the group would try to keep us all on track and we would lose and gain and nothing ever sustained. Having WLS is not like that. It's not a diet it's the way my life is. I make choices of food based on hunger, knowing I'm not going to be able to devour the whole serving I choose the richest food first. It's just a change that becomes you.

[gowalking 10,790]

The best way I can put it @ is to describe it as a combination of physical and emotional factors. You still need to make good food choices but when the body physically cannot take the same amount of food in, it is usually easier to make those good choices.

For instance, I ordered a meal from Applebees yesterday. Sure, I would have loved to have eaten the Pasta dish that probably was in excess of 1,000 calories and God know how much sodium, but I went to the low calorie menu instead and had the Asian Shrimp salad. I then chose to use the dressing sparingly rather than dump a ton of it on top of the salad. Then..I paid close attention to the feeling of satiety that you will need to recognize. Once I felt 'not hungry', I stopped eating. I did not finish my meal as I know I would have felt sick or at least uncomfortable if I had eaten more. And...the salad was pretty good as well. You learn to appreciate healthier meals...you really do. And when I woke up this morning...no guilt...no self hatred, no disappointment, no depression. Just another day with this wonderfully active body I have again.

I understand where you are coming from. I expected to fail at this as I had failed at every other weight loss attempt. This time I have not failed. The weight has come off and now I'm working on maintenance. I'll be on these boards to be there to help others so check in with me as year after year goes by and I maintain my weight. I just know now that it will be different. I'm betting it will be for you too.

[Bandista 7,466]

I was banded at age 52 and had done everything under the sun to lose weight -- I so get the being afraid of failing at yet another attempt. All I can say is that weight loss surgery completely shifted this for me. I am not on a diet, but I make good choices now and can stop -- it is amazing having that appetite monster off of my back! Good luck to you with all that is ahead. You are in very good company here.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Like most people on this site, I have battled my weight my whole life. I spent a lot of years trying to figure out what was wrong with me! Why couldn't I be like other people? Feeling defective and like a failure.

Until fairly recently, I was completely against any kind of surgery. Part of me was afraid of surgery, but mostly afraid that since I was screwed up I was doomed to fail.

You know what? All of those fears were put to rest when I started actively considering the surgery.

I was ready. All of those failures, and all of the fear came together to prepare me. I was at the end of my rope. I really had nothing to lose.

With about a year of time, an awesome surgeon and support team, supportive family and friends, an Enlightened PCP, and my own gifts, talents, and skills I was finally able to have my surgery April 20.

By then, the hope far outweighed the fear (and not the kind of hope that leads to disappointment but the kind that feels that what will happen is the right thing).

Yes, this is a scary process, but the rewards are worth it.