Feeling a Bit.....well....Unwelcome?

[livvsmum 2,369]

So I'm a pretty regular poster on the "general discussion" board since before my surgery in 2013. I still need support to maintain my weight loss as much as those who are actively losing. I still struggle everyday to work with my new "tool", I still struggle to make the right choices, and I struggle to keep myself in line. I join the holiday challenges to get me to goal and to keep me accountable to maintain. But more than once I've gotten snarky comments there like I don't have a right to be tracking my weight there. And sometimes when I post responses in other threads about struggles etc I feel like I get some snarky comments there as well. Like maybe once you reach goal or a certain point people don't really want to hear about struggles, or think that you don't need support? IDK......

I mean people on on the pre- and post- surgery forum seem more than happy to get feedback, so I don't get that vibe there, but I guess I just am disappointed because we all need support in this journey, no matter if we are 100 pounds from goal or at goal.

Oh well Does anyone else ever get that vibe??

[*Lexie* 1,486]

Luckily no but I have seen that or tough love responses that I think are a little on the tough side and lacking the love. I read and respond but rarely share my struggles because I don't want someone telling me that I should know better or ask me how on earth I was ever approved for surgery so I have those discussions one on one with a few trusted people.

I am really sorry to hear that you are getting this type of response. I'm just not sure I'm surprised by it.

Maybe you could try finding a few trusted people of your own and sending private messages. As for the challenges, I participate in them too, I think they're really helpful.

[LSF 264]

I prefer to read the postings from those like yourself who have had the sleeve for awhile and has success as well as failures instead of those that just had the surgery.

[glitter eyes 1,398]

I think it's awesome that you are at goal. Also, it doesn't matter if you have lost all your weight- everyone needs support. Maintenance is just as hard ( I am going to say it- if not harder) than losing the weight.

I say keep seeking out support and joining the challenges. Forget the negative people.

I think when we get to goal it can become easy to slip up with bad eating habits and forget that no matter how thin or fit we all may get we are still recovering from obesity. Therefore, even being at goal or below goal takes hard butt kicking work. So I say congratulations to you!! Don't let negative people keep you from seeking out the support you need.

[VSGmary 418]

These boards are for everyone, we have some pixelated warriors that can be quite snarky - i definitely agree with you there, but you also need to either place them on ignore or learn how to deal with them, if they get out of hand report them. Don't let them stop you from getting what it was that you were seeking from this place! Its really unfortunate that you seem to have crossed paths with these asshats, there are some really wonderful people on this site all very willing to give their support where they can.

Wish you all the best with your weight loss journey xox

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I've never participated in the holiday challenges, so I don't know what goes on there. But yeah ... everyone should be welcomed on those threads.

As someone who just hit goal, yeah ... maintaining is certainly as challenging (more so?) than losing our weight.

BTW, I heard a rumor that Alex is going to start a maintenance forum. I for one would love a new forum on that topic.

Congrats on your big accomplishments thus far. This trip is never over, is it?

[swimbikerun 1,046]

Yes. I try to stay away from saying my size or my weight for a very good reason. There is no reason to focus on that as it is in what can we do to help each other get better experiences.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

There is a maintenance forum now but I see the vets forum as a maintenance forum! I am 3.5 YEAR'S post op and finding maintaining harder now...more than ever!

I think we still need to support each other!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Sorry you have run into the wrong peeps here! At 4+ years, maintenance is the hardest part... and goes on forever! Coming here really helps me to stay in the game. Its the times that I want to be "normal" and just follow my nose without staying conscious of my actions that I start to regain. It took me 3 years to get to goal, and I have had ups and downs during maintenance... I am up right now, but heading down again... Usually the people I see giving "holier than thou" comments are still somewhere in the honeymoon phase, and really don't have a long term clue yet. Stick with us, and the Vets forum are for those who are mostly beyond the honeymoon, and facing the reality of reality further out!

[swimbikerun 1,046]

You make some very good points. I think after 1 year, people need MORE support, not less. The "easy" part of letting the surgery and resetting the system thru less eating, the newness, is now gone. The rest of your life, you have to live out.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Oh well Does anyone else ever get that vibe??

I don't. I am rather clueless on other people's feelings towards me for the most part.

Keep posting, focus on the positive and f'em if they are poopy people.

[LSF 264]

You make some very good points. I think after 1 year, people need MORE support, not less. The "easy" part of letting the surgery and resetting the system thru less eating, the newness, is now gone. The rest of your life, you have to live out.

I totally agree. I'm not a "vet" yet but reading the posts from the vets is what keeps me motivated.

[livvsmum 2,369]

Thanks everyone. It helps. I don't typically hang around the "vet" forum, but it just struck me the other day that I'm almost 2 years post op. I guess that makes me a vet. lol.

[Swampdoggie 477]

I'm so grateful there are old-bies who have remained active and can help us new-bies as we walk this uncharted territory. I understand wanting a vets or maintenance forum for the struggles unique to maintenance and I look forward to the time I can offer some sage advice from a been there perspective, but I really appreciate that so many of the vets are willing to mentor us. You guys are inspirational. Ignore the snarks. Your experience matter to me. (My brother always says, I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.)

[Countrygrrl 450]

????I was dealing with an issue on here and got some snark back myself. It honestly felt like people wanted to fight or Bully perhaps even shame. The blessings were in the kindness of the few that understood and let me know that this journey would take many unexpected twist and turns. I try to find the positive people who look to build each other up than tear one another down.