Lying to feel better?!?

[AvaFern 3,516]

@LipstickLady I was a little surprised at how mean I was to myself when I found the album...hopefully as I'm getting older, I'm also getting kinder.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

One of the biggest life changes I have made is a commitment to treating myself kindly from now on, no matter what. It is a hard habit to change but so necessary. I'm determined to live my best life and I must be my own biggest advocate.

[Mary Jane T 44]

Ok. I am the new kid on the block. I haven't even posted or introduced myself yet. The original message was one of the first I read when I found this site and immediately thought, "jeez this is not the place for me. I do not like how this conversation makes me feel." But for some reason. I came back and read your responses and felt better. Now I know not everyone feels like the original poster does. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. I think I'll stick around after all.

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@Mary Jane T,

Welcome, I really hope you do stick around. This is normally a great site to get and give support. Don't let one person ruin it for you. Hopefully as they go through WLS their attitude will change to a more supportive one.

Good luck and feel free to reach out with questions.

[maggie409 765]

DreamingAzure

"I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD."

So what is the purpose of this stream? If you would never say these things (which you shouldn't), then you know why you shouldn't.

[Mary Jane T 44]

Thank you. I just found this app a couple days ago and haven't figured out where/how to start a new thread to introduce myself. I found it a little easier to 'get around' on my laptop rather then my phone so I'll try again soon.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Definitely keep coming back. Rants and Raves is probably not the best place to form a first impression but now you are here you will get the hang of it.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@Mary Jane T Don't let this one thread scare you off. I was a little shocked when I read it. It is as if the OP was ASKING to be set straight, because no one with any common sense or compassion would post such things. Most of us are a great group, and enjoy lifting folks up, and offering our experience when questions arise. You will get honesty from us, and sometimes it isn't all hearts and flowers. Sometimes it's a kick in the rear. But it is what it is........because most of us CARE.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Ok. Never mind. I can't keep my mouth shut.

Let me tell you about ME. I an a 43 year old woman, mother of two gorgeous teenagers and have been overweight for at least 20 years. I was 265 pounds at my heaviest and I was barely wearing a (tight) size 20. I work in the beauty industry and I excel at my business. I was/am often asked to speak at national conferences and it was always a bit hard on me to know I was one of the fattest people in the room but I held my head high, tried my best to find fashionable, flattering clothes and stood up there proud. I also trained/train in martial arts and have always been active despite my weight. I'm a swimmer and I love Zumba.

I had WLS 2 years ago today and I hit my goal weight of 159 after about 9 months. I've not yet hit my stretch goal of 145, but I am sure I could if I put a little more effort into it.

I am now typically a size 8. A 10 in some brands (think American Eagle and other teen lines), a size 6 in Ann Taylor and other vanity lines. My thighs are saggy, my boobs are droopy, my bat wings flop A LOT and nothing short of plastic surgery is going to fix that. I would much rather send my two girls to college and pay off my house than have surgery to correct what I consider a non issue, so I have a feeling I am going to look like this for a LONG time..

You're right. I most likely should NOT wear a skirtless bathing suit, but after years of doing laps with a skirt dragging me down, I am finally small enough to wear a regular one piece. I'm sorry if I sullied your view because my thighs look like crap.

You're right. I most likely should not wear athletic tights and a tight tank top to Zumba, but dammit, it's hot in there and if I've got a few loose skin rolls and dimples, so be it. Don't dance behind me and you won't have to look.

You're right. I shouldn't wear that sleeveless summer dress but it's 90 degrees at that outdoor concert I took my family to. If I had chosen shorts instead, I'm sure either my arms or my legs are sure to offend your delicate senses.

I am going to wear what makes ME feel good. I've hidden behind black loose layers and cardigans for decades. I may not look Victoria Secret perfect in my choices now, but I am not dressing for YOU, I am dressing for ME.

My jeans are tight and "classless"? My heels are too high and I look like a "harlot"? My top is too low cut so now I'm a "skank"? Let me tell you this... CLASS has nothing to do with what you wear. It's all in your attitude and how you treat people.

I'm happy, no.. THRILLED with my appearance and more importantly, my ABILITIES, and I am NOT going to allow someone who has not yet walked MY road to make me feel bad about my imperfections.

I dare someone to tell me I look like **** to my face. It would take great restraint not to plant a solid round house kick to their teeth. Because I can.

Can I LIKE my own post?!?!?! HA!!!

Snort!!!! I got some "friendly advice" about a wardrobe choice today from a friend who has no clue about how WLS feels yet. I LOL'd (and I don't text talk).

[jane13 2,256]

@LipstickLady - you never let me down I love your responses! I concur 150%!

[jane13 2,256]

@@Mary Jane T - sometimes we type and we probably should've taken a BIG breath before we hit the POST. I am guilty as well. Understand we all have our own opinions and don't always agree, but we are "family" and we move on.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

I'm sure we all see progress pics that make us think, "Hmmm...." Heck, I even posted a picture of myself shirtless on this forum! But before my surgery, I barely wanted MY WIFE to see me without a shirt on! That shows you just how far we can come in our own minds when we have weight loss success. The reason people share their milestones, often with pictures, is to Celebrate and receive positive feedback from their WLS peers. Nobody's asking you to lie to them. And there's really no need to lie, because when you see pictures that you don't think are flattering, you have a couple of perfectly good choices: 1) As others have written, just say nothing. You're under no obligation to respond. And 2) you can provide wonderful support and affirmation without ever mentioning how someone looks. "You're doing great! Keep up the good work!!!" And that's the honest truth!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'm sure we all see progress pics that make us think, "Hmmm...." Heck, I even posted a picture of myself shirtless on this forum! But before my surgery, I barely wanted MY WIFE to see me without a shirt on! That shows you just how far we can come in our own minds when we have weight loss success. The reason people share their milestones, often with pictures, is to Celebrate and receive positive feedback from their WLS peers. Nobody's asking you to lie to them. And there's really no need to lie, because when you see pictures that you don't think are flattering, you have a couple of perfectly good choices: 1) As others have written, just say nothing. You're under no obligation to respond. And 2) you can provide wonderful support and affirmation without ever mentioning how someone looks. "You're doing great! Keep up the good work!!!" And that's the honest truth!

Your baby has such personality!!!

Look at those cheeks!!

WOW! He really is bouncy, isn't he?

[Graciesmom04 184]

When I ask someone how I look in something (esp my family) I do expect an honest response. My hubby knows this, and long ago I promised to never get mad or upset with an honest opinion. That's why I ask. And if a family member asks me for my opinion, I will give it honestly. Not hurtfully, but honestly. However, when someone here at works makes a comment or judgement on me....I'm crushed. I'm about 70lbs down from wt loss surgery. I still picture myself as that fat, overweight woman who can't fit into anything. The compliments I receive are great and rewarding...but I don't believe them just yet. I don't see the change in me yet.

So...I get where you're coming from with being honest and expecting honesty back....but please make sure it's asked for first. It can so easily crush someone if not asked for. Good luck with your surgery!

Edited May 18, 2015 by Graciesmom04

[maggie409 765]

When I see before and after pictures I really don't notice the "details". I see how they have reduced in size from before they began. It is always very impressive. I usually look at the face closely too simply because it amazes me how different people look in their face. I don't notice what clothes they are wearing or if they match or if they are wearing white after Labor Day.