Is it CHEATING or is it a CHOICE?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Every day I see new posts from people who feel guilty about "cheating". Some are coming clean about it or are embarrassed about it and amazingly enough, some seem to be bragging or feel empowered by it.

But is it really cheating?

I assume that most all of us are adults here. I also assume that most of us have had, are about to have or are researching WLS. We should know the dietary plan at this point (or there would be no "cheat"), and we should also know the risks associated with eating off plan pre or post op, yet every day people ask if what they are doing is OK and/or look for justification for their actions.

What in the world? It truly makes me scratch my head.

To me (and this is just MY opinion), there is no CHEAT. It's a CHOICE. I chose to have this surgery. I chose my surgeon because I trusted his skills and his knowledge. I chose to have sleeve over bypass or band. I chose to limit the amount that I can eat and drink by drastically altering my body. I chose to eat right 100% of the time on my pre-op (yup! not lying!) and I chose to eat right 90% of the time post op until my doctor said I was free to do otherwise.

I think it's FINE to ask your surgeon/NP/NUT questions if you think you are ready to do anything other than prescribed. I think it's OK to question their answers. I do NOT think it's OK to ask a bunch of strangers on an internet forum to justify choices that aren't good ones-- especially internet strangers who are or were in the same boat as you.

If you want to eat and drink at the same time, more power to you. If you want chocolate and bread and shakes and fries, have at it! If you lick a dorito or chew it up and spit it out, good for you (not really, but...)

I love the "coming clean", I love asking for support, I love asking for coping ideas. I just ask that you take a moment to ask yourself if you are truly cheating or if you are making a CHOICE to do something you should not.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I agree 100%. Lipstick Lady, thanks for this post.

[sharonintx 1,275]

I think that was very well said LipstickLady.

[Salonboi 353]

I've noticed, it's like they want someone to jump on their bandwagon of getting a Pass. Misery loves company ????

We've given to many passes as it is, and look where that got us. Now's the time, I Choose me, for my health to be restored. Great post by the way.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Sometimes I need to say it out loud (type it out loud?) to jostle myself into reality -- i.e., if I'm not losing weight could it possibly be the tub of buttered popcorn I was eating weekly? Hmm?

That said, IMO it's a choice. I don't think in terms of cheating. I'm only cheating myself by staying in denial.

As time has gone on since my WLS, I'm finding that I can make changes and stick to them, but incrementally. For example, pre op I stopped TV eating and have never gone back to it. Then recently I gave up the buckets of popcorn that were doing me no good. Last week I joined a gym. Doesn't sound like much, but each of these changes was a big hurdle and I had to be really ready for them. Once I was ready to make a certain change, I committed to it.

So no, not cheating. Every day, every action is a choice.

[Babbs 14,681]

Yup. And your choices will effect your success. Really, none of my business.

But don't ask me to justify your bad choices when you are just a few weeks out from surgery when it can actually do physical damage. It's not "cute" that you chose to drink alcohol a couple weeks out from surgery. I'm not going to pat you on the head and say "There, there" when you won't follow your doctors orders because you are tired of Protein shakes and want to eat solid food before you're cleared to. At least have enough self respect to actually allow yourself to heal before you continue to make the terrible choices that caused you to have the surgery in the first place.

After you're all healed up, I could care less about the bad choices you make. I know I'm getting to goal from the choices I'm making.

[phatfatgirl 100]

It's definitely a choice. But there's nothing wrong with posting and still trying to find out of others have done the same. Just like we say everyone's journey isn't the same this also applies. Doing things too soon, i feel, sets you up for failure. But sadly not everyone that's had the surgery is ready like you are. And it does not make it right, it just is. Keep on your journey and offering the right advice that we need.

[Babbs 14,681]

It's definitely a choice. But there's nothing wrong with posting and still trying to find out of others have done the same.

That would be asking for justification for your bad choices.

We are only human. We make mistakes and bad choices. But at least own up to it.

[alindsey 230]

I know it's hard but we have to stick to the plan!!! It's easy to justify cheating or bending the rules but we just can't!!! It's part of our addiction to food to make excuses and look for pitty about how we have it so rough! But this is life! We have to eat blan boring Protein Shakes and broths because we failed to take care of ourselves in the past!! Don't cheat yourself the sleeve is a tool use it!! Don't look for ways around it! Yes it's hard yes it's miserable but we can do it!!!! It's hard to take a step back and see that your cheating yourself and yes sometimes our inner fat person wins! Don't cheat yourselves people! We have to work for it and in the end it will be worth it!

[AvaFern 3,516]

Lol, your post made me chuckle a bit and I mostly agree with you. I think people post about cheating because like you said, they want to be justified by a group of strangers, yet also because they want to know they aren't alone. A good portion of us "cheated" somewhere along the way. I personally had a few Snacks (smart puffs and a granola bar) on one day of my pre-op diet, and the rest of the time I was compliant. I didn't cheat once after surgery because I was too worried I'd kill myself, not because I'm overly a rules follower person. If every article or blog post I ever read told me that no one else in the world had messed up a little on their pre-op diet, I would have felt exponentially worse, very much alone, and terrified that I had just ruined my chance for a complication free surgery. Most of us screwed up, so I don't have a problem with people talking about how they cheated a little (emphasis on a little- a steak dinner is not a little) and I try to let them know that I messed up a little too and it turned out ok.

Once I was out far enough where I could eat and drink whatever I wanted, I make choices everyday that some people might think is cheating. I had 1/4 of a blueberry muffin for lunch today, I drink with straws, I drink with meals, I drink diet soda, and I didn't have a single Protein shake for a good portion of the time it took me to get to goal. I think some people post about cheating when, like you said, it's not cheating, it's just making a choice. We make the choice to eat crap we shouldn't and honestly if we don't do it often, then my feeling is more power to ya. Sometimes I want a few bites of cake, I like SF Red Bull for Breakfast, and I eat grilled chicken sandwiches from fast food places. I think people need to know that once you're at a certain point, it's ok to not be 100% compliant with the diet. Life is about living- not choking down chicken and eggs without any drink at every meal because a doctor told you that you had to the rest of your life.

[dhrguru 1,238]

I call them choices, like when I chose to enjoy a birthday dinner with my hubby during my pre-op diet. I hate the cheating term...

But.... Another perspective. When my son was diagnosed with autism and I was in a scramble to understand and get him help; many of the communities I became part of left me feeling 'less than' for not trying to petition congress, read every medical journal and basically save the world. I was only trying to save my son. It got to the point I would ask, does anyone do for just for them and their child, vs. For the good of all children diagnosed it to be diagnosed?? It's was overwhelming. I hated how I was left feeling and really separated myself from the Autism community.

I think many come to this forum feeling the same way, like perfection surrounds them, like people have got it all figured out. Sometimes I see the cheating thing as people just trying to reach out and see if anyone stumbled along the way. I will gladly tell them I did, but I'll always own up to my choice.

Just my two cents.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Oh. I've totally screwed up. I've over eaten, I've had "bad" foods, I've skipped meals, I've done all kinds of "terrible" things, but I've never CHEATED.

It's always been my CHOICE. I am very aware of that. That's the point of my original post.

[phatfatgirl 100]

It's definitely a choice. But there's nothing wrong with posting and still trying to find out of others have done the same.

That would be asking for justification for your bad choices.

We are only human. We make mistakes and bad choices. But at least own up to it.

Justification? I would hope no one here is searching for that on a public forum. You do what you do for you. What you do that is wrong hurts no one but yourself in the long run. I think it's owning up to it if you post about it. That's not denying it. You live and learn. Some ppl need more than just the written rules lol. Some ppl don't believe the stove is hot unless they touch the door first. Ppl post in case others have done the same. I guarantee quite a few have.

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

I so agree it's a choice. The choices we made in the past got us here. It's the choices we make going forward that mean we made the right choice in doing something as drastic as surgery. I will NOT let this be for nothing.

If you want to come here to confess and get back on the horse then go for it. If you are looking for me to tell you its okay to eat something when I know its not then don't come knocking.

I know the things I have eaten in the past have ruined my metabolism and I have tried in vain to lose weight a few times only to plateau out and give up. It's a challenge to make this work but I am going to do my level best to use this tool I am being given in 3 days.

The definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results.

Bravo LipstickLady!! Bravo!

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

They are my choices, not cheats. I'm not perfect, but I am progressing.....one day at a time, one choice at a time. And I will live with the consequences of my choices - good or bad.

Thanks for initiating this conversation @@LipstickLady Great conversation!