Telling my friends/family/work

[Tiana Harris 24]

How did you approach telling people? I've told my fiance, he is on board "whatever makes me happy and healthy" and my mom is on board but the rest of my family is SUPER into fitness and thinks diet and exercise is always enough and I'm sure they will think I'm just lazy. Also my job, I need to tell them for the recovery time off but I don't need to tell why....but should I? I work in a small office of 20 people and I'm nervous for reactions. I've told my direct boss, since she and I workout together she knows and understands.

My first appointment/consult is on the 12th of May.

[TLW 163]

I only told a few people, husband, best friend, sister, mother, and a co-worker/ good friend. The only one who doesn't support me is my mother, so I stopped talking about it to her, as a result she believes I am not having it done. In regards to work, I told them I was having a small bowl resection. I know it is not the whole truth, BUT it is not a total lie either as my small intestines will be cut and rearranged. I work in a small school and just do not want to have to deal with 40 other opinions on whether I should or shouldn't have this done. It's really none of their business, but the minute I told work I Would need the last week of school off, and a request for sub was made, everyone seemed to want to know why I had to have surgery. The nice thing is with a small bowl resection, loss of weight happens, so I will just be the lucky person who loses more. Lol

[Tiana Harris 24]

@@TLW Genius! I like it, I might have to steal that one too except I already told my supervisor so she will know im full of bs my brother is a tri-athlete so I'm most nervous to tell him. I am only telling probably 3 of my friends, the rest live across the country and wont notice anyways haha

[TLW 163]

Just let your boss know what you are doing, and why!

[GermanShepherdMama 145]

I have no intentions of telling anyone but my family. I don't want to tell anyone at work or any friends at all. I don't want to be looked down on.

Once you tell someone about it, you can't go back.

[IndieDivaIN 39]

Only my husband and kids know and will keep it that way as long as I can. One friend keeps asking to go out to lunch or dinner at their place and I am making excuses left and right. I don't know how i will deal with intimate dinners where u can't really hide in comparison to larger group events where no one is really paying attention to what you eat. Any tips?

[SkinnyDown 409]

I have only told a few people closest to me, and my family. I always add that I am not telling many people, so please keep it private. The problem I just realized is my family telling others I do not want to know. One of my sister's said she may have told a neighbor of mine, and I am so upset about that. I don't need anyone's input or discouragement or opinions, that is why I chose to only tell a few people. Anyone else is getting told I am having "abdominal surgery" since I had a previous colon resection, I think most people just think it has to do with that. That is all they need to know. Now, if I can just keep my family quiet about it. Just because everyone else announces every bowel movement they make on FB, doesn't mean I'm interested in sharing this private information with the world. Not even everyone in my family is happy about what I am doing. Makes things much more difficult.

[funkecoldmedina 49]

I do believe that this is a choice each individual will need to make and although I initially did not want to tell anyone I have had a change of heart. I am currently working on my 3 month multi-disciplinary program for insurance and have made some really huge changes in my life. Although I may not be losing a ton of weight I am really proud of myself. I am not ashamed to tell people that I am having weight loss surgery to better my life. I don't think it makes me any less of a person than anyone else. I want to bring awareness to bariatric surgery and I want people to know that it is not an easy way out. This is going to change my life forever and it is and will be a lot of hard work. I wish that more people would advocate for weight loss surgery and be proud to say that they took the steps to better their life no matter how it was done. Of course if the people having the surgery are ashamed then what is everyone else supposed to think? Like I said I believe this is a personal decision if you want to tell anyone and who you choose to tell. I know for me I am excited to change the way people may perceive weight loss surgery.

[SkinnyDown 409]

I want to clarify the reason I am not telling a lot of people. The few people I have already told have for the most part, been completely understanding of the use of bariatric surgery as a tool. They are totally onboard. There have been a few people though who have told me horror stories of people dying, things going wrong, people regaining etc. And those who have come out and said, "You will not be the same person, and I don't want you to change." That is what I want to avoid. There is something very unfortunate in humans that makes people not want to see others do well. Not everyone is like that, but there are some. This is why an addict can't hang out with their addict friends once they get clean. They will start hearing, "Come on, one time isn't going to hurt." or "Just one more time, for old times sake." People tend to want to keep you at their level. Psych 101 stuff. I'm not ashamed of having this surgery. This has been a long time coming. This has been a lifetime of losing 100 lbs and gaining it back ...over and over. This has been a lifetime of struggle against Hashimoto's and PCOD. It's my time, is how I think of it. It's my time to do something for myself that will be a long lasting permanent change. I am so excited for this. I don't want anyone to try to bring me down and burst my bubble of positivity. Because THAT is what is going to get me through this. There will be in my world, a proper time to tell people, after the surgery.

[funkecoldmedina 49]

I completely understand that. I have faced some negativity as well. I am fortunate enough to have a very loving and supportive family. Unfortunately I can't say the same for a few people who I have told at work. I think the biggest reason I get kick back from people is because they are uneducated on what exactly this surgery means and the effects it will have. Although I have had some negativity, for me, I use that as fuel to help keep me on track but as I stated before this should be an individual choice. Everyone's life and circumstances are different. Everyone should do what they feel is going to be the best for them to succeed.

[Tiana Harris 24]

Thanks for all the great replies. I think I will keep it to my close friends and family. I already felt weird telling my best friend and she was like, "is that really necessary? Why? Go to the gym?" So I don't think I will be telling everyone.

[funkecoldmedina 49]

Best of luck to you! Don't let people try and get you down. Good for you taking the steps to make a better life for yourself

[SusanDavenporr2015 20]

I just recently had my first visit with the RNP. I had my family involved from the beginning. In fact daughter is have surgery as well. My whole family is supportive. The only person that had a problem was the guy I had an on-line relationship with and that's his loss

I explained to everyone that I didn't have a problem with my looks, but I do want to see my grandkids grow up and with my weight where it is then I wouldn't

[sparksrn 65]

I'm not telling my dad because I don't want to worry him. Of course after it's over and I'm dropping weight he will notice and I will tell him, but the surgery will be over by then and he won't have to worry. My kids know and my husband knows. My office knows because I had to fill out FMLA paperwork because I'm going to be off work for a week and the paperwork came back from the Bariatric Center, so of course everyone in my office knows. I don't need anyone's opinion.

[Soapandcandlequeen 124]

I told my husband and parents in my immediate family. I told my boss and my team at work. They were all very supportive. I have decided that if people ask me directly if I had surgery I will not lie about it but I won't offer the information unless asked. Its really a very personal decision.