Confession

[snowkitten 371]

@tlemieux220 thanks for the positive words. Good job on realizing and admitting that youve had a few falls. I stuck my head in the sand that early out. Wish i hadn't. Most important thing is your keep getting back up, good for you!

[snowkitten 371]

So im very proud of myself. I have reached 10,000 step every day, included a small amount of cardio (i need to build up), Eaten about 800 calories every day of healthy food (with an exception of a few slips), but most of all, I did this while being sick (sinus infection/chest crud). In the past i would use feeling this bad to sit on my butt or eat bad, but this time ive pushed through. Im just hoping it goes away soon, im exhausted!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

You go, girl!

One day at a time.

Day after day.

Week after week.

Month after month.

Year after year.

Sounds awful.

But mostly really, really wonderful.

[snowkitten 371]

Lmao @@VSGAnn2014

[MyNewLife28 9]

Good for you! Congrats for getting back on the horse! That's the hardest part!

[Alex Brecher 10,512]

snowkitten, We all do that sometimes. I just have a few ideas that might help you get back on track. These are just about changes in your mindset that might help.

One is the thought that you’re a failure. (First of all, you’re not!). I wonder if you could get over this by giving yourself more time. Here’s what I mean. I would worry that since said you said you feel like a failure because of your weight (278). Even if you ate perfectly for the next couple months and lost an incredible 20 pounds, you’d still be at 258…which makes me wonder if maybe that would make you feel like a failure, even though you’d be doing amazingly. So maybe you could think about different goals…like patience, and taking it one day at a time, instead of where are you now versus where you want to be in two or five years from now.

Another is to think about whether the fear of failure is holding you back. If it is, acknowledge it…and then get over it. Any of us could fail. Nothing is guaranteed in life, and you can’t control everything. But you can control yourself. So, (easier said than done) if you let go of the things you can’t control, you may find yourself in a better position to control what you can – that is, your WLS diet.

You can do it. Think of it as an opportunity – you have the power to do something incredible, and difficult, and so rewarding!

[drmeow 323]

Hi Snowkitten - do you know why you were overweight to begin with? Have you done some soul-searching, preferably with a therapist who works with eating problems, to figure this out? I am still pre-op so I have no idea how well this is going to work for me, and I certainly am not criticizing you - I know how incredibly hard it is to stick with any type of weight loss plan (which is why I'm here

But I've been seeing a therapist for awhile before even getting to this point b/c I recognized that I was using food to stuff down my anger over things I could not control (bad childhood, bad marriage). Maybe you aren't like that at all but I think a lot of people do use food for comfort for various things.

Geneen Roth has written several books dealing with emotional eating that might be helpful too.

Best of luck!

[snowkitten 371]

@@Alex Brecher your right, I do know im not a failure for being at 278. I’m very extatic that I’ve lost all the extra weight I gained. I think why im feeling like a failure is twofold 1. Ive read that were supposed to lose between 50-60% of our excess weight, and if we don’t, the surgery is considered a failure. 2. I’ve had bad eating habits (even tho I eat under 1200 calories a day, I’ve eaten a lot of crap) and I havn’t exercised as much as I should. I KNOW I could do better, its in my power and I know that…. And that is what ive failed at.

I do like your idea of giving myself more time and focusing on other things. Im going to try the one day at a time thing. I think I get too overwhelmed when I think long term.

Hmm, its very possible that the fear of failure is holding me back. Im a big people pleaser so failing the expectations of people (namely the surgeon) terrifies me. Know of any way to get over the fear?

I appreciate all your suggestions, you’ve given me much to think about and I promise I will ponder it completely.

[AvaFern 3,516]

@@snowkitten

When I think about giving up on things I remember a shirt that I saw someone wearing once during a road race. It was something along the lines of "No one cares if you succeed or fail- except you. Keep going." I've done a lot of distance road races and around mile 6 on the 15K's and around mile 9 on the half marathons, I am consistently about ready to sob because my feet hurt, I never actually train for the races, and I want the damn thing to be over. Then I think of that shirt and I know that I can go home and quit and no one is going to care or even remember it, but for the rest of my life I will know that I quit and I have one chance to make sure that isn't something I have to keep as a memory forever. Then I suck it up and keep running....which at points has produced a tear or two from an injured knee or a sick stomach, but has every single time been worth the misery.

Weight loss is the same thing. The only person you are helping or hurting is you. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Suck it up, put on your big girl pants, and get to work. You can do this.

[snowkitten 371]

@drmeow – Yes I’ve done quite a bit of soul searching and have come up with a few reasons to my weight issues. Started when I was very young. The genes in my family are actually to be extremely skinny, but I have CVID (an immune deficiency) that makes me sick a lot. When I was an infant I would get seizures when I got over heated/a fever. This made my mom switch my time schedule so I lived at night and slept during the day (can’t be very active at night), and then a particularly bad seizure had the doctors convincing my mom to put me on a medication. This medication, while saved my life, slowed me down and increased my appetite. Since I was living at night, food became an activity. Then things turned emotional. I had gained a little weight and got teased by peers and siblings. That’s when I started eating for comfort (which ended up being compounded by many hard times and abuse). Somewhere along the way (probably about the time I started getting sick a lot) I started eating for energy, that’s my worse habit, I get sick, have no energy, and to make it through my many obligations I grab a high carb snack for a quick lift. And because im sick, I don’t have the energy to exercise it off. Now all that compounded by the fact that I have PCOS, and an extreamly stressfull life (wont go into it) and its no wonder im overweight lol. I am working on all this though. I realize that it wont all be fixed right away, or even within a year. Im well aware that its an ongoing progress, I just keep sliping .

Thank you for the suggestion of the book, I will look into that. Is there a specific book of the series you would suggest?

[snowkitten 371]

@@AvaFern I really like that saying and it's so true.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

I absolutely love this thread. It demonstrates exactly why I still come to these message boards. So much helpful advice.

@@snowkitten I definitely understand the feeling of failure because I feel that way every time I slip up or don't lose as much as I want. I try to remember that I'm trying to change myself, not just "diet" and change is hard. I'm going to fail a lot but what matters is that I keep trying and learn from those failures. If we focus on how far we have come instead of how far we have to go, the task will seem less daunting. I remind myself of this probably daily. Just this morning I felt like I'm never going to lose another pound so I reminded myself that I've lost 70lbs already which is a lot of weight. I can lose a few more.

@AvaFern I love that saying and am storing that away for future use. I'm running a 5K next week and at the end of the year, I'm running the Honolulu marathon (the most I've done before is a half) so I'm most definitely going to need those words of wisdom through this process.

[KingMoose 238]

Sweating in the gym is a badge of hard work paying off! I used to sweat all the time, my friends would joke saying " would sweat while eating Ice cream in a freezer" hahaha sad thing I I think they would have been right. Now I only sweat while being physically active, in the gym, working in the yard or around the house. Normally now if it is 70 or below I am wearing sweats bc I am cold all the time now!

[maggie409 765]

"About 3 years ago i ballooned up 100lbs. With this surgery I lost most of that"

So your saying you have lost 100 lbs in 8 months? OMG that is amazing! How is that even a failure! I think you need to stand up, dust yourself off, and keep doing what your doing! Bravo on your success so far!!

Whether we think we can, or we think we can't, either way we are right." Henry Ford

[snowkitten 371]

@@maggie409 I've lost 70lbs in 8 months, and an additional 20lbs a few months prior. So about 90lbs in 11 months. And your absolutely right, THAT is not failure. I'm very proud of myself for that. It's the lack of exercising and "cheating" with food that I've failed at. I have a bad habit of using my infusion days (every friday) as an excuse to eat whatever I want. This in turn puts me on a bad path to eating so by Monday I'm feeling huge guilt and am mad at myself. I needed to own up to it so I felt obligation to stop. At 8 months the "honeymoon" period is over and I know I gotta shape up.

Thank you for the reminder! And that's a great quote. I think I'll start a quote book with all these good quotes and read them when I'm lost.