Disappointed Family

[Blueststar 0]

First let me say I am new to this site so if this is posted in the wrong spot sorry. I am also new to weight loss. I saw my Doc on the 2nd of April and he said because of my size he will not do the surgery until I lose at least 50+lbs plus my insurance wants a six month supervised diet. So for the last month I have been trying to eat right and lose weight. I wasn't perfect but I really did try. Yesterday I went in for my first weigh in and in a month I lost 16.3 pounds on my own. I was happy. So I went home and told my family (I am very close to my parents). My husband was proud of me but my own parents were disappointed. They thought I should have lost more. Their attitudes completely popped my happy bubble. Now I wish I had never told them about any of this but they are always bring up how I should be addressing my weight so I thought they would be supportive. Has anyone else gone through something like this. How does everyone else deal with people who are not supportive?

[Shawnta32 0]

Well I am going through the same thing but it is the some of my family members so i just don't let the ones that will not support me know anything about what is going on with me. And sweetie just keep your head up I am trying to get the surgery also and what I do is when you go to any doctor or hospital and they weigh you just write down what you weighed in a note book and just keep track of it every time you weigh in. So i pray this will help you.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Nobody, and I mean nobody is entitled to a "running total' of my weight management. I chose to share it on this site but not even my closest friends and families get numbers, how fast I lost (during that phase) or even how I am doing in maintenance. They don't need to know and the respectful ones among them dont even ask.

I had a boyfriend I met after weight loss and I asked him if he wanted to see pictures or know more about it (I was seeing him during the time when I got plastics etc)... his answer was wonderful and it has very much influenced me on how I think about this with others too. He said "no, I am interested in the person you are now and the person you are becoming - I don't care about the person you aren't anymore" Wow. Now, I see myself that way with new people I meet too - does what I used to weigh, how I used to look, the bad high school yearbook photo or the job I had in college matter at this point? ha!

Consider this one of your early challenges of the internal changes YOU need to make. This journey is about you. You are doing it for YOU, not them. You are accountable to yourself, not them. You need to find the motivation and frankly "support" inside, not from them. I personally think that is a shift in mindset that can really help us through this process.

When you take full responsibility for this process is when you can really find sustained success.

So, more specifically, I simply wouldn't tell them details. When they ask, "how are you doing?" the answer would be "I am on track with the surgeon's program" or something like that. And then change the subject. If they really press you - ask them boldly why they need to know? Can't they simply respect that you are following the program and doing what you need to do?" People are often shocked into silence by the frankness. Truth is, many obese people (me anyway) used to be the pleaser, smile for everyone, make jokes, apologize for existing. I am not that way anymore and I don't give a damn if others don't like it.

p.s. most others like my confident self just fine!

[green*eyed*girl 170]

I understand a bit where your parents are coming from. I am very close with my parents too, and they play a huge part in my weight loss. They cheer me on, and they accept my decisions (even the bad ones) about my diet. They really want me to lose weight because they know how important it is for my health. Simple as that. They love me and they want me to live a long, happy life. I think your parents are the same. They see this surgery as your savior (which is by the way) and they want you to do the best and be the best. Probably they are impatient, and they want you to get 'there' as fast as possible. I am sure they are proud of your success and they will come around. Be patient, it doesn't matter how old we are, we are still their children and always will be. You will be fine, you aare doing excellent, kepp up what you are doing!

CowgirlJane, big big inspiration you are, love to read your comments. Just one thing though: my fat self in the past is still me. I am the same. Just a few size smaller. I did this for health reasons, not for vanity - of course I like the 'side effect' But I honestly say this: I loved myself when I was bigger too. I took care of myself, I did my best to look good, and I enjoyed life the same way I do now (minus the knee pain hurrayyy). That fat person is not my past. It's me, right now, it's still me, I am the same, my fat never defined me, my personality, my kindness and my good heart that it is, how it was and how it always will be.

[Mommabird 367]

@@Blueststar, let me just say what your parents didn't.

16.3 pounds down!!!! Fantastic!!! I'm so proud of you!! I know that you worked so hard this past month and it shows. Please, Please, tell me what I can do to help you continue to be so successful!

WAY TO GO!!!!

[robym123 8]

16.3 is awesome and if you continue for the next few months think about 16.3 times how many months to go YOU WILL HAVE LOST THAT 50 LBS and then some!!!!!! I had too lose 25 before my surgery and I actually lost 38 lbs AND it was an awesome feeling AND YOU WILL FEEL THAT WAY when they weigh you in for surgery KEEP YOUR HEAD UP you got it!!!!

[All done 36]

Wow...16 pounds way to go. I am just getting started on losing some weight before my surgery. You inspire me to dig in and do it...keep up the great work...

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@Blueststar,

Congratulations on your fantastic weight loss so far! You are definitely going to hit your goal and then some. Just remain focused and your parents will see how motivated you are.

[SusanDavenporr2015 20]

Honey fill that happy bubble back up! 16 lbs on your own it something to be proud of. If you parents can't see that, that's sad on their part. People who don't have weight issues can't understand how hard it is to lose it. Just keep working on it and don't let them get you down.

[dawnyoung872 42]

I think think any amount of weight loss is wonderful. It's one pound at a time. You should listen to yourself and the positive people in your life. I know when I told my mama I was going to do it, she said that it doesn't work. No support, so I'm going to prove her and any naysayers wrong. That's the best way to shut people up. However, the majority of people who know are excited for me. My surgery is May 19 and I have been on a pre-surgery diet for the last 3 weeks and have about 1 1/2 weeks to go. I've managed to lose 20.7 pounds in 21 days. Keep your chin up, it's all going to work out in the end.

[kyrickchick64 468]

16 lb is awesome. Keep it up girl! I agree with cowgirljane if they can't be supportive them don't give them any info. Why share good news with people who don't cheer you on? I would take it as a sabotage to make you feel bad and go back to your old ways. Don't let it happen! If you need cheerleaders you can come here.

[Shawnta32 0]

dawnyoung872 well that is so true I love proving people wrong so i am going to provide them wrong when I lose this weight they will be very careful next time what they say. But I have some great support team and my mother and father is a great help to me. And they want the best for my life. Before I was bless with this doctor I started right after I seen him. I was losing my weight very good and he did not even tell me that I have to loss some weight before I can get the surgery. Don't get me wrong I went up and down on my weight. I just pray that God will be done soon. For my healthy lifestyle.

[dawnyoung872 42]

I agree with you, we all need some support, here or at home! Lose the weight as best as you can. Celebrate the small successes! When I weigh in the morning if I lose 1 pound I tell whoever will listen! I've literally lost about a pound a day. 21 days and 20.7 days! You've got this girl!!!!

[dawnyoung872 42]

20.7 pounds not days

[ShellMilliner 233]

You're doing awesome. Please don't let their comment get you down. All losses are victories!

Edited May 8, 2015 by ShellMilliner