New-11 days until surgery and I haven't told anyone

[kcmu5411 2]

Hi guys, I've struggled with my weight since childhood. I was put on meds in high school for attention deficit and lost a bunch of weight. I felt great about myself, boys were noticing me for the first time, I was pretty happy with life. Sometime in college I went off the meds because I couldn't stay awake without them and I didn't like that my body depended on them. Slowly the weight crept back on and it's been here ever since. The only minor health issues I have are PCOS and a mild case of sleep apnea. I'm super excited to dive into this sight and read on all these specific topics I've been wondering about. Here's my problem. I hope someone else can relate to this because I really don't know what to do about it. I have a big family and a big group of friends. I haven't told anyone I'm having surgery yet. I'm terrified to tell them. I've been going through this process for FIVE months and my surgery is in ELEVEN DAYS and I can't seem to work up the courage to tell people. My boyfriend knows, but no one else. Not my parents, not my BEST FRIEND. I told her I have something I need to talk to her about and I wanted to tell her in person. Pretty sure she thinks I'm dying or something. I feel like it will be the number one source of discussion in my social circle, everyone will be talking about it, and I feel like people will think less of me or something. I picture people in my head saying things like, "she wasn't THAT big, I think surgery was a bit of a drastic choice. She should have just worked out, she must be lazy", and stuff like that. This is going to sound so dumb, but in my head I keep thinking that if I just don't acknowledge that I'm over weight, no one will notice I'm fat. In my head I look like a totally normal sized woman. But then I see pictures of myself and sometimes it takes me a second to realize the fat person in the picture is me. So I just ignore it. I never talk about my weight, or say negative things about the way I look. Not because I have high self esteem, but because I feel like if I ignore it, it's not really true. I must sound insane. I have honestly considered googling stomach tumors and telling people I have some sort of benine abdominal tumor I'm having removed so I don't have to admit what I'm really doing. Please tell me someone else out there struggled with this, lol. I know 2 other girls who had this done in the past and they were perfectly comfortable telling everyone. But when I look at them, I don't see thin girls, I see the girls who had weight loss surgery, and it makes them less attractive in my opinion. How do I get over this fear of telling people? Why am I so ashamed?

[Chele H 427]

I told no one except my husband, kids, parents and sister. This is your life, your body, your decision. At work they only knew I had to take off for medical reasons. One person actually asked me about it and I said hiatal hernia repair.

My parents and sister weren't told until one week prior. I am a very private person and I didn't want questions, comments, opinions, etc for weeks prior. I also didn't want people watching me eat post op thinking....hmmm should she be eating that? I also wasn't positive I would lose and maintain the loss and then be judged. I still have not told anyone. When people ask about my weight loss I say lots of gym time and low carb eating(which is true!)

I am not sure if any of this helped...but I think it is OK not to tell people if you do not want to.

Good luck with your surgery!

[kcmu5411 2]

Very helpful, thank you. Like you touched on, I'm worried people will figure it out when I loose a lot of weight and put it together that I just had a "medical procedure". I'm stuck because I don't want to tell anyone, but I don't want to be dishonest about how I really lost weight either.

[McButterpants 2,846]

Telling people is such a personal choice - you get many opinions on this board about it. I did not feel comfortable shouting from the rooftops that I had surgery - when I chose to have surgery, I did not sign up to be a flag bearer for bariatric surgery.

Before surgery 18 months ago, I told 5 people - my husband, son, parents and good friend. Since surgery, I've told 2 people, my financial planner and best friend. I have no idea why I told my financial planner - it was a weird day and he asked me about losing weight and it just came out, even to the surprise of my husband. I told my best friend while we were on a hike and I just felt compelled to tell her - I felt like I was not being organic with her, so I told her and it felt good.

I do not feel compelled to tell other people, not even my brothers. I live in a small community that runs on gossip and rumor - I know if I told one person in the drop off line at school that the gossip would return to me by the end of day with most people that I know sharing in it. It's not worth it to me. I've done so much "house cleaning" during this process - ridding my life of people that suck the energy out of you and working on living a positive and healthy lifestyle, that being the center of gossip and rumor did not appeal to me.

My suggestion is to do what your gut tells you to do. I find me initial gut feeling is usually on and when I ignore it, I end up wishing I hadn't. Do some soul searching and decide who you want to tell and think about why you want to tell them. I wouldn't tell people "just because".

Best of luck to you!

[justbeingme1972 27]

Girl, I am weary to even post on here in fear of someone finding out. Probably irrational, but where I am at right now with it. I really didn't want my step-daughter to find out. I mean I am a low bmi'er, and I don't want her feeling like she always needs to diet or be thinner. At first I didn't tell my mother, she can be a bit judgmental at times, like all of the time. I did tell her when I returned from Mexico,after the surgery was finished and she seems to be dealing with it okay. Girl, like the other posters said, do what you feel is right. I don't think there is a wrong way to go about telling or not telling people.