Whats the worst you've heard?

[NanaRenan 0]

I think Americans are so obsessed with that waif look because it is practically impossible to achieve unless you are anorexic or close to it. We always seem to want what we can't have. Anyone remember Twiggy? If these wafer thin girls were healthy, it would be different, but many of them are not. They take drugs and eat improperly to stay as skinny as possible.

Fat is a complicated issue. I don't think it's the 'forbidden fruit' factor here as much as something else.

Being EXTREMELY paleskinned, I've learned that prior to the end of WW2, fair-complectedness was desirable and women wore hats and bonnets and gloves to protect their skin. Why? Because being tanned was equated with poverty...having to work out of doors for a living.

It wasn't until the post-war affluence, combining affordable air travel and paid vacations, that tan became to be a symbol of wealth and leisure -- a complete paradigm flip.

I think 'fat' as a status symbol is the same way. From prehistoric times and, to this day in poor countries, women with a little meat on their bones were seen as affluent and healthier. They had wealth/a good provider so food was plentiful and they weren't going to expire at the first famine or plague like someone with little body fat might. Scientifically, men are programmed to like curves because it implies health and that translates into better childbearing odds.

Today, I think it has become a distorted image of wealth, You can be as frail as you want -- if you're wealthy enough to hire someone to do your work for you. Then, you can pay to have some one train you to work out, so you can fight time and gravity and keep your adolescent figure.

Bearing children is no longer thought to be every woman's EXPECTED role and celebrities get MORE attention for the babies they DON"T carry themselves -- Angelina and Madonna.

Although there are women who can't gain weight, no matter hard they try and that must be very frustrating, but I just can't relate to the likes of the interior decorator on "Divine Design". She's over 6 feet tall and weighs a buck ten.

And she's had at least two pregnancies since that's shows been on the air. I think she's probably just high energy and drew a lucky hand genetically.

[BJean 16]

Nana: I was always the smallest of my two sisters and me. In fact, until I was about 42 and started gaining weight every year, I stayed within the 105-115 lb. range. When I was 9 mos. preggers with my first, I weighed 118. Pretty cool. Then with my second, 8 years later, I peaked at 162! I got back down to 110 within 6 months. Remember though, I'm only 5'2".

My sister who was 13 mos. older than I, always used to love to ask people who they thought was older. Invariably they would say that I was. Well, she was fat and fat don't crack.:rolleyes Duh, I dunno, something like that. And my sister who is 8 years older than I am, and 350+ lbs. also wound up looking younger. Sigh. I need a face lift!!

I gotta tell you both of them were thrilled when I started gaining weight. I thought they were proud of me for working so hard at staying slim, but no, they resented me. Sisters, yeah - you gotta love 'em!

Let's don't be too hard on 'em. My sister who was 13 months my senior, died from breast cancer after a very horrible 3 years of fighting it. I'd give up my Lap Band if it would bring her back - and that's saying a lot!! I do love my band.

[BJean 16]

NANA: You are spot on with regard to how the public views chubby ladies and tans now, and back then.

It's pretty ironic that women with some fat on them are actually more healthy than the bony models that we idolize. Women who work out too much and run marathons a lot can actually lose their menses and can't get pregnant. Their bodies know that they can't support a pregnancy or breastfeeding.

Many of the celebrities who choose to adopt rather than physically bear children would like for us all to think it is just because they are humanitarians and being environmentally responsible, but don't we pretty much suspect that their efforts are not entirely pure? They don't want to ruin their money-makers and become like the masses of most other women in the world: misshapen from child bearing.

Can you believe Heidi Klum??? What a genetic wonder she is!

Candice Olsen does have good genes, obviously. And not just for the fact that she is naturally slender - she's got good decorator genes too! Btw, have you noticed how pale she is? :heh:

[green 6]

I have always been so pale that I am pretty much fish belly blue. A lovely aristocratic skin tone to have at one time but summertime was always a humiliation for me. I hated lurking in the shade and I hated hearing the same old comments about my lack of colour. Ugh! And my skin has interfered with a number of activities which my mate and I could have shared. I had to drop out of our sailing class because my skin couldn't deal with it. And when we spend time in the tropics I often lock myself up in our hotel room for a sizeable chunk of the day. Snorkeling, something which we both love to do, is complicated for me. I have got to be dressed in order to go snorkeling.

And the truth is that while a plump individual with a warm skin colour can look absolutely lovely women who are as white as the moon will never look pretty. The payoff which I am now experiencing is that my skin looks awful good for my age. Oh well.... It seems that good things sometimes come to those who live long enough.

As for pregnancy and permanent weight gain, this seems to be how it works for most women. I have run across the occasional individual who can produce babies and remain as thin as a whippet but this is rare. (I knew one woman who had 7 kids and weighed about a buck ten. I was a very envious Green.)

Most men and women begin to gain weight as we edge into middle age. Our hips widen - yep, men's hips, too - and our waists grow much thicker. Our proportions change and this is why a slim middle-aged individual will not have the same shape as a slim teenager.

And much of our personal futures are hooked into our genetics. I figured I would escape my mother's exceedingly strange post-menopausal figure. I had never been pregnant and she, on the other hand, had undergone three pregnancies during her 30s where she carried enormous babies to term. (I was the lightest at 9.25 lbs.) Nevertheless, I found myself stuck with exactly the same disasterous weight gain as my mum once I hit menopause. And exactly the same thing happened to a friend of mine, a tall and willowy young woman; she is now a stocky overweight post-menopausal woman, one who has also never had children. Her weight history exactly parrallels that of her mum.

The weight issue is such an extremely complex subject, isn't it? There are the cultural attitudes to which NanaR and others have referred, there is this very complicated biz of genetics, and there is the question of the natural weight gain associated with ageing, childbearing, etc. And psychological and social issues also play their part. Ugh! It is a fine thing that we are able to cyber-meet and discuss this stuff.

[BJean 16]

Hey, I'm having a difficult time wrapping my mind around the idea of "fish belly blue" as a skin color.

Once when I was particularly perturbed about having to fill out a questionnaire, when it asked my ethnicity the choices were something like:

White

Black

Asian

Indian

I checked White, but added "with brown dots". (I'm very freckled.)

[UN5-3051 0]

Just read your post and had to tell you I really like your quote about perfection being God's business.

Very cool...........and true!!

[Angie911 0]

<p>I work in an office and one day I had a male co-worker, (he has extremely bad english) ask a young female co woker how much she weighs, shes about 5'10 and her reply was 110 lbs. He looks to me,,and within everyones ear shot says,,,you need to be healthy like her,,,drink lemon Water and you too can be like her. She very beautiful. </p> <p>ya thanks...I'll be sure to buy a lemon tree</p> <p> </p> <p>Of course I also have the mother who has always rattled my cage with remarks,,,its too bad you have gotten so big, and doesn't understand how my DH can stand to be with me, and why can't I just suck it all in? And the best ,,,while growing up,,,and not very big,,listening to her tell me that if I got fat no one would love me.</p> <p> </p> <p>I can be pretty mouthy,,,as the example of a shopping trip to the mall. I was walking with a girlfriend,,,and had a couple of twits make a rude comment about being fat to me. My comment,,,Well I might be fat,,,but at least my parents aren't siblings...You interbred twit!</p> <p> </p> <p>I quit talking to a friend a couple years ago. There was 3 of use who all met while working for the same company. We were all the same age and such. Two of us were big girls and married. The other she was pretty slender and unmarried. We were friends for about 15 years,,,and having a BBQ this one evening. And as usual listening to the slender girl complain about not finding Mr. Right.... she made the comment that she couldn't understand why she couldn't find someone when look at the two of us. You would think a guy would want to be with someone who takes care of herself.... </p> <p>Well perhaps he doesn't want a mean spirited woman ?</p>

[BJean 16]

Angie: That former skinny friend who can't find a husband and wonders why, probably also wonders why she doesn't have any friends. Duh. With friends like her, who needs enemies?

[anonemouse 1]

I have to say that my brother was the worst offender in my life. Some of you may remember that I've mentioned in other threads that I was emotionally abused by him. There's not really one single comment that I can bring to mind, but rather years of constant criticism and verbal attacks. It was literally to the point that my parents considered basically farming him out (I didn't know this until recently) because they didn't know how to make him stop. I've gotten many apologies from my mom, telling me that she wishes that they'd done something. Sometimes I think about what my life might have been like if they hadn't sat around and ignored what he was doing.

[BJean 16]

laurend: Gawd that is so unfair!!

I try really hard to make myself understand that when I go through the really tough stuff, it only makes me stronger. That's hard to keep in mind when someone is busting your chops, but some of the people who have had perfect childhoods are the most insufferable adults who think they are God's gift to the world.

My DH had a very unfair and tough childhood and he's great about saying that they just didn't realize what they were doing and that they were a product of their own upbringings. He doesn't hold a grudge, fortunately. But then he doesn't spend much time around them these days either.

[anonemouse 1]

laurend: Gawd that is so unfair!!

I try really hard to make myself understand that when I go through the really tough stuff, it only makes me stronger. That's hard to keep in mind when someone is busting your chops, but some of the people who have had perfect childhoods are the most insufferable adults who think they are God's gift to the world.

My DH had a very unfair and tough childhood and he's great about saying that they just didn't realize what they were doing and that they were a product of their own upbringings. He doesn't hold a grudge, fortunately. But then he doesn't spend much time around them these days either.

It's definitely made me a LOT more aware of how I treat other people. Probably too aware, to be honest. That's one of the reasons that I tend to be run over, figuratively, in real life. I haven't held it against my brother, but I do recognize his actions as being the basis of a lot of my problems.

[Alfie 58]

The other day I told my friend that I was going to be banded and she said, Wow, I didn't want to tell you but your stomach, wow, it's huge:cry. I guess she felt that it was okay to say since I'm about to lose weight. That really made me feel crummy.

[L!NDS@Y 0]

One day, my husband and I were waiting at a red light. I had my window down and heard a woman's voice yell out, "Damn, that bitch is fat!!". Of course, I turned to look and it was 2 woman sitting at the bus stop. They were pointing and laughing. I looked away and pretended that it didn't bother me. My husband insisted they were not speaking about me. But I know they were. I don't know why this bothered me so much. It just hurt that these girls didn't even know me. They don't know why I'm fat, they don't know my past. Even though it happened 2 weeks ago, I still think about it. It's also annoying if you make a mistake while driving and the person you piss off yells something mean like, "You fat bitch, look where you are going!!" It's like, me being fat has nothing to do with my driving abilities. I guess it's just easy to point out an obvious flaw in a person when trying to hurt them. It's not right!

[madfroglady 0]

I once had a new doctor who I had never seen before walk into the room, scrawl "morbid obesity" across my chart (even though my BMI was probably only 35 ish at the time) and tell me to eat diet bread. What?! B*tch.

But my all time stinger was from my aunt. I am 5ft 4in and often need new pants shortened as they are too long for me. So after a shopping trip, my aunt sits down to shorten one pair while I do another. So I put the pants on, and she folds the legs up, then looks at me and says "Now, not to be rude, but are you planning on gaining any *more* weight? because if you are <sigh, shaking her head>, we should leave them a little long so they won't ride up too much when you fill them out." My jaw hit the floor.

the mad frog lady.

[L!NDS@Y 0]

oh god i almost forgot about this one. when i was getting married, i brought my dress to be altered by a seamstress my m-i-l uses. she's an old italian lady. as she was measuring and pinning she says to me, "you no eat for 2 weeks." (that's when i had to return for my final fitting). so when i returned 2 weeks later, she looks at me and says, "you been eating!". my m-i-l wanted to die of embarassment. i thought it was funny. did she really expect me not to eat for 2 weeks? sheesh!